Need to end tonight, would love support, tips, encouragement. Not well prepared

[aloyo]

Hi all,

I am new here, but joined because I've attempted many times and tonight is sort of the last attempt I think.

Really fucked up my life, and have become burdensome on people I love and support. I have run out of time before things start to get really unbearable, and so tonight sort of feels like the best time or an inflection point.

I don't really want to go, but take my word for it, it really is time to. I am sure many people say everyone will be better off without me, and I can see the other side of argument that it's painful etc and traumatic to do this to those I leave behind. But the worst part is that over last 4 years I have tried different times and while I've also been able to have great times, ultimately I feel regretful I haven't left earlier. I can also see a path forward for my loved ones.

I have a lot of things to say to the world, and felt like there were things to do, but now I'd love if I can just have some support in finishing this.

I don't have the right materials but a deep bath tub and will try the shallow water drowning by hyper ventilating and passing out in order to drown. I actually have semi tried a couple times this past week but didn't push the limit because was scared.

Any last minute tips to pass out faster would be welcome or whatever.

I hope you all find what you're looking for

 

[DeadHead]

Not being properly prepared is the worst mistake you can make, you will only make things worse for yourself.



Take a step back and plan properly.

 

[dinosavr]

Not being properly prepared is the worst mistake you can make, you will only make things worse for yourself.



Take a step back and plan properly.

I agree. I know you can feel like you regret not having done it sooner, but this is the actual act you might regret and not be able to reverse it in any way. If you can, please reconsider doing it

 

[aloyo]

I know definitively I need to do it, I am struggling to do it this way. Previously I did an exit bag but chickened out because of the noise. I do not have access to those materials otherwise I believe I'd do that this time for real. I wish I could fall asleep in this tub and just not wake up man, Whys this shit so hard

 

[permanently tired]

Hi all,

I am new here, but joined because I've attempted many times and tonight is sort of the last attempt I think.

Really fucked up my life, and have become burdensome on people I love and support. I have run out of time before things start to get really unbearable, and so tonight sort of feels like the best time or an inflection point.

I don't really want to go, but take my word for it, it really is time to. I am sure many people say everyone will be better off without me, and I can see the other side of argument that it's painful etc and traumatic to do this to those I leave behind. But the worst part is that over last 4 years I have tried different times and while I've also been able to have great times, ultimately I feel regretful I haven't left earlier. I can also see a path forward for my loved ones.

I have a lot of things to say to the world, and felt like there were things to do, but now I'd love if I can just have some support in finishing this.

I don't have the right materials but a deep bath tub and will try the shallow water drowning by hyper ventilating and passing out in order to drown. I actually have semi tried a couple times this past week but didn't push the limit because was scared.

Any last minute tips to pass out faster would be welcome or whatever.

I hope you all find what you're looking for

I heard that swb is a very short period of unconsciousness. The breathing quickly aspect just ended up giving me a headache, but if you persist longer it could make you lose consciousness momentarily. Of the cases I've read about drowning some people tether a heavy object (but this is only applicable in a much larger body of water), drink, take sleeping medication, etc. I'm not sure how well any of these work as I have not tried nor is it intended as advice.

 

[just_a_guy]

If you're not prepared don't do it. The likely failure will make you feel worse

 

[pole]

I'm sorry about what you're going through.

I get it hurts, but don't force your hand. we want to escape this pain and suffering badly, but don't let how you're feeling at this moment influence a permanent decision. It's okay to step back and think it through. If you're indecisive, even a little, it isn't best to force it.

at the same time, only you will know when the time is right. we respect your choice to want to end your life. however, no one on this forum will give you encouragement to CTB and help push you towards the edge. that's against forum rules and it isn't a function of this site.

nonetheless, I hope you find peace.

 

[FuneralCry]

I hope that you find the freedom you search for, I certainly hate how it's so unnecessarily difficult to die on our own terms, we really shouldn't have to struggle so much to voluntarily leave this existence.

 

[aloyo]

I have tried a few nights in a row, think I am getting closer but it's more my mind giving up than my lungs, so I think the method does work for what it's worth. Like people have said I think matter of knowing it's time, which is obviously tough. Thanks all for the words. I realize now I cannot ask for support or encouragement for ctb so apologize for that

 

[UKscotty]

Encouragement is not allowed and is illegal in most places.

However, I would say, do your preparation and research and you can find plenty of quick, reliable and cheap methods in most western countries. Don't listen to people who tell you it's hard or impossible to find methods.

 

[ScubaCTB]

I really hope and pray that you didn't try it. They say buying a house is the biggest investment that 90% of people in the US and Europe will ever have. Well, CTB is bigger than that. If you're unprepared and, in your own words, "I don't really want to go," you should not be doing this. Sounds like a whimsical thing, which is never good. Wait a while, please.

 

[Abyssal]

Don't do it without prep.

 

[magicalsarcoma]

Yo! Sorry if my question is somewhat inappropriate. Are you still alive? It's just that I'd like to talk to you and change your mind
(it probably sounds bad and selfish, hah)
(I'd just like to say that I don't think we'd be better off without you, you're wrong. Sorry for my crooked English! Maybe you can share your situation with me in messages? It's just that for some reason I don't think you should die. Maybe I could influence your opinion a little bit.... what happened?)

 

[aloyo]

I cannot be influenced in terms of my decision, though I appreciate the notion. It's not whimsical but I understand it can seem that way because of a lack of prep and my desire to still live. In reality like I said this is probably my 4th or 5th real attempt (some half assed attempts when I didn't really know what I was doing as well).

I think I will drink more, and commit tonight. Hopefully this is my last day on earth.

 

[NowhereCabin]

If you are 100% determined to follow through on this, definitely be aware of the potential risks of failure. Longer-term medical problems like brain damage from oxygen deprivation, maybe pneumonia, the possibility of waking up mid-attempt, SI kicking in, and getting out only to potentially start dry-drowning a couple hours later due to your body reacting to any small amount of water having gotten into your lungs, which might retrigger SI, cause panic, and compel you to seek medical help and possibly get institutionalized once you get it, etc. Research on methods, supplies, and risks of survival is always going to be more helpful than a botched impulse attempt and living with its consequences.

Whatever happens, I hope the guilt and suffering you're dealing with knock it off. Best of wishes to ya, holmes.