Venting Need to CTB but don’t know how.

[RedFruit]

It's not just about the method. It's the mental aspect. As bad as the pain is right now, I don't know how to go through with it. I'm scared to die but I'm scared to live. I'm sure that a lot of us deal with this, but it's just so hard. I know I have a strong will. At the same time, it's also tatinted. If I was truly strong; I wouldn't want to die so bad. Life is just too painful. I don't know how to go or what will happen after. I just want it to be over. I'd be happy if I died in some sort of accident or cancer. I'm sorry to everyone who has had people die accidentally or anything with cancer. I just need something to take me out at this point. I don't know how I'm going to do it myself. It needs to happen, though, and soon.