raindrops
Someday, eventually
- Mar 29, 2020
- 447
TL;DR I'm depressed, wanna die, no boyfriend, no big family, just wanna die, no close close friendships, should I jump or will it get better, tbh I just wanna die.
Just want to sit here, cry and type my crap out.
I want to die there's nothing going for me, I've lost so much, my partner left me even though we had a home, my father he's shit, my mother died, my sisters live a million miles away from me, I have no friends & I hate the thought of pretending to be okay around people. Every day I'm getting closer and even though I speak too none of you, I'll say goodbye to you all that's if I find the courage to go...
I'm too scared that I'll survive if I jump from a 341ft cliff. I'm balling my eyes right now because SI is pissing me off.
I'm almost jealous of those who get cancer or an illness that kills. I want to die so badly that I wish for cancer, I wouldn't get treatment. Idc if it would be painful, I'd smile, I would literally make every fucker feel guilty for never seeing me for my real self, then they would be around me like flies around shit, "I love you oh bla bla bla" fk off.
It's constant judgement, I can't take it. I'm scared to integrate because of the weird nasty bastards out there that cause rumours or shit. I'm normal to some extent, I'm no liar, I have no want to ruin someone's life though rumours or heartache or whatever...
I feel so sorry for all of those that are ill but want to carry on life, I'd take it away from them in an instant if I could. I'm sorry but this is how I feel.
PLEASE WILL THE UNIVERSE JUST LET ME GO, LET ME BE AT PEACE. FUK U SI.
No energy to carry on because there's no one to carry on with. Why should I watch the person who I love & who loved me for 11 years flirt with someone else, they got so close it makes my stomach sick. She lives in Poland, we're in the UK so I'm sure I have a chance with him because I meet my ex-partner for ya know intimacy and I feel used doing what I do with him. He says he's not using me but you should see how close he's got with this other girl. Emotionally close. I told her we meet up for ya know and then she blocked him on Facebook, I want it to end between them, I believe it will, but it will it, when? Do you think it sounds like I'm being used or he meets me to see me not just a fk?
IM SO LONELY. Every day I'm more positive about jumping then the weathers bad it's been windy lately. I just WANT to jump of a cliff.
I wish I had someone to look at the cliff with me and make an assumption but I know that's against the rules here.
I'm sorry guys, hopefully I'll find the courage soon to fk off or does it get better. Without him I don't want life, sounds silly doesn't it, killing yourself over a guy but there's more to it than that.
Just want to sit here, cry and type my crap out.
I want to die there's nothing going for me, I've lost so much, my partner left me even though we had a home, my father he's shit, my mother died, my sisters live a million miles away from me, I have no friends & I hate the thought of pretending to be okay around people. Every day I'm getting closer and even though I speak too none of you, I'll say goodbye to you all that's if I find the courage to go...
I'm too scared that I'll survive if I jump from a 341ft cliff. I'm balling my eyes right now because SI is pissing me off.
I'm almost jealous of those who get cancer or an illness that kills. I want to die so badly that I wish for cancer, I wouldn't get treatment. Idc if it would be painful, I'd smile, I would literally make every fucker feel guilty for never seeing me for my real self, then they would be around me like flies around shit, "I love you oh bla bla bla" fk off.
It's constant judgement, I can't take it. I'm scared to integrate because of the weird nasty bastards out there that cause rumours or shit. I'm normal to some extent, I'm no liar, I have no want to ruin someone's life though rumours or heartache or whatever...
I feel so sorry for all of those that are ill but want to carry on life, I'd take it away from them in an instant if I could. I'm sorry but this is how I feel.
PLEASE WILL THE UNIVERSE JUST LET ME GO, LET ME BE AT PEACE. FUK U SI.
No energy to carry on because there's no one to carry on with. Why should I watch the person who I love & who loved me for 11 years flirt with someone else, they got so close it makes my stomach sick. She lives in Poland, we're in the UK so I'm sure I have a chance with him because I meet my ex-partner for ya know intimacy and I feel used doing what I do with him. He says he's not using me but you should see how close he's got with this other girl. Emotionally close. I told her we meet up for ya know and then she blocked him on Facebook, I want it to end between them, I believe it will, but it will it, when? Do you think it sounds like I'm being used or he meets me to see me not just a fk?
IM SO LONELY. Every day I'm more positive about jumping then the weathers bad it's been windy lately. I just WANT to jump of a cliff.
I wish I had someone to look at the cliff with me and make an assumption but I know that's against the rules here.
I'm sorry guys, hopefully I'll find the courage soon to fk off or does it get better. Without him I don't want life, sounds silly doesn't it, killing yourself over a guy but there's more to it than that.
