mittymittens
let's make it quick, ok?
- Jun 11, 2023
- 70
context: we were in a trio with him me and our best friend who SA'ed me. i never acknowledged that it was nonconsenual at the time to avoid more drama that the trio tended to have already. due to other factors, we both decided to cut her off and he even told me that their personalities clashed and it was for the best.
fast forward i distanced myself from everyone including him because i was depressed after the falling out. i ended cutting him off impulsively because of this telling him i don't really want to be friends with him due to bad memories and he let me go obviously but i think i still hurt him a lot since we were really close before this whole thing happened.
2 months later i had another impulsive urge to contact him again the conversation was alright and i ended up confessing to him that our best friend had SA'ed me in the summer and he confirmed it was SA and he seemed shocked as i saw them kind of talking to eachother when i told him. but due to either him not believing me, or not wanting to or just plain old he was still hurt from the instance that i cut him off like i was because we both didnt want to continue the conversation after that day. but i see him still associating with my SA'er and invited her back into his circle again after months.
which in a way i understand as they probably forgave eachother after i cut him off and maybe he didn't want to do anything more to destroy that
(I don't think he told her though because i was very close to someone she's possibly dating and he never said anything about SA and he's not the type to confront her about that or ask her about it)
but that was 6 months ago, he's been looking at me in the halls when he's usually alone that aren't bad gazes or anything and even my friend told me he glanced at me twice when he was with a friend so i've been thinking of him more lately and what said gazes mean
some people tell me that those looks could mean he misses me or something i don't really know
in the case he misses me and since a mutual friend is willing to help out fix things between us and in the occasion he wants to try and be friends again, i guess what i'm asking is:
how do i word that i'm uncomfortable, felt unsafe, very sad and angry at the fact i've told him him that she SA'ed me yet it just seemed like he didn't care and made me feel like he was one of those people who doesn't really care about the topic and only care for when it only happens to them.
because it feels like i'm tryna be like "you can't be friends with her!" because i don't wanna choose his friends either or make it sound like i'm controlling
and in a way i feel weird for after acknowledging she SA'ed me months after it happened and only now i'm getting triggered by people knowingly associating with her because honestly if i wasn't triggered it'd be something i'd be able to deal with but after telling my SA'ers boyfriend or close friend, even though he said it was terrible he continued to associate with her, match pfps, put her in his statuses sometimes knowing it made me upset and put me in the worse place again and he'd only remove these things/hide them when it was obvious i was hurt by it.
fast forward i distanced myself from everyone including him because i was depressed after the falling out. i ended cutting him off impulsively because of this telling him i don't really want to be friends with him due to bad memories and he let me go obviously but i think i still hurt him a lot since we were really close before this whole thing happened.
2 months later i had another impulsive urge to contact him again the conversation was alright and i ended up confessing to him that our best friend had SA'ed me in the summer and he confirmed it was SA and he seemed shocked as i saw them kind of talking to eachother when i told him. but due to either him not believing me, or not wanting to or just plain old he was still hurt from the instance that i cut him off like i was because we both didnt want to continue the conversation after that day. but i see him still associating with my SA'er and invited her back into his circle again after months.
which in a way i understand as they probably forgave eachother after i cut him off and maybe he didn't want to do anything more to destroy that
(I don't think he told her though because i was very close to someone she's possibly dating and he never said anything about SA and he's not the type to confront her about that or ask her about it)
but that was 6 months ago, he's been looking at me in the halls when he's usually alone that aren't bad gazes or anything and even my friend told me he glanced at me twice when he was with a friend so i've been thinking of him more lately and what said gazes mean
some people tell me that those looks could mean he misses me or something i don't really know
in the case he misses me and since a mutual friend is willing to help out fix things between us and in the occasion he wants to try and be friends again, i guess what i'm asking is:
how do i word that i'm uncomfortable, felt unsafe, very sad and angry at the fact i've told him him that she SA'ed me yet it just seemed like he didn't care and made me feel like he was one of those people who doesn't really care about the topic and only care for when it only happens to them.
because it feels like i'm tryna be like "you can't be friends with her!" because i don't wanna choose his friends either or make it sound like i'm controlling
and in a way i feel weird for after acknowledging she SA'ed me months after it happened and only now i'm getting triggered by people knowingly associating with her because honestly if i wasn't triggered it'd be something i'd be able to deal with but after telling my SA'ers boyfriend or close friend, even though he said it was terrible he continued to associate with her, match pfps, put her in his statuses sometimes knowing it made me upset and put me in the worse place again and he'd only remove these things/hide them when it was obvious i was hurt by it.
