Help Need help planning

[sohopelessandempty]

Please please someone help I need an escape if things don't get better. This doesn't mean anything is set a stone, I just need the plan so I have it if I truly decide to do it. But I don't even know where to start with methods and stuff. Someone please help. Here's some helpful info.
-can't be something I have to purchase
-I live with other people
-must be as painless as possible, this includes there won't be some sort of excruciating pain if I mess up
-can't be something that will give me serious physical damage and/or mental damage(besides the trauma of failing an attempt lol) if I survive, especially if it's permanent damage. That is my biggest fear.
-EDIT: this is stupid and if the time ever comes maybe I won't want this anymore, but I secretly kind of want to be saved sometimes. But it's all just fantasy. But basically, I'm torn between wanting something that knocks me out quick, vs something that even if it's been like 30 minutes there's still a chance to back out. If somebody found me. Maybe someone would care. But I only want such a thing if being saved means I have no damage from the attempt. Or maybe I want the chance to back out myself. But how could I do that if I was passed out? Passed out doesn't mean dead, I'd want to pass out quick to avoid pain but idk.
-can't involve knives/blood(I'm a coward)
-also I don't own a gun either
-can't be something that is easy to mess up because I fuck up everything
-has to be very likely to kill because I don't want failed attempts over and over. If I ctb it should be one and done.
-also I unfortunately have strong survival instinct, and also anxiety
-if it's pills it must be stuff I already own, I have adhd and sleep meds but I don't want to overdose, all I ever hear about overdose is that people fail most of the time
-also weigh like 160 if that's important for hanging. I can't find a good spot for full-suspension so partial is all I could do, but I am really worried it won't work.
-ALSO about partial hanging, I saw someone else post about having problems with it due to a short neck. I didn't even think about this. I'm not sure if my neck is considered short or normal, I think it's a little short. Let's assume so to be safe.
I used to try strangling myself as a kid, tying pants around my neck(I had no rope, and I still don't. There's a thin rope in the garage but idk if that would suffice). All of my attempts to strangle myself to death never worked, this will sound silly but I'd tie the pants around my neck and then put a bag over my head, hoping eventually I'd run out of oxygen to stay alive. But I always felt like my eyes would pop out. I have such bad memories of that as a child. So I'd always have to untie it due to that feeling. If partial hanging causes that same feeling, I just can't do it. Someone let me know, I'm really desperate.

 

[TheTwelthRootOfTwo]

Given everything you described, I'd say partial is the best. The idea is blocking blood flow via the carotid arteries, so IF done correctly, there should be no choking sensation. Blacking out is usually fairly quick. Must be a slip knot (or arbor knot) and NOT a hangman's noose. The reason is that it needs to be able to tighten easily. A hangman's noose is designed for dropping and snapping the neck. Position for partial, I'm still not 100% on because I've tried a couple different ones that seemed to work.

The anchor point must be strong. Test it by tying the rope to it and try to pull yourself up on. IF it holds, it should be good.

Someone can correct me if I've gotten anything wrong.

I do not aid or encourage suicide. I am only writing for educational purposes.

 

[sohopelessandempty]

Given everything you described, I'd say partial is the best. The idea is blocking blood flow via the carotid arteries, so IF done correctly, there should be no choking sensation. Blacking out is usually fairly quick. Must be a slip knot (or arbor knot) and NOT a hangman's noose. The reason is that it needs to be able to tighten easily. A hangman's noose is designed for dropping and snapping the neck. Position for partial, I'm still not 100% on because I've tried a couple different ones that seemed to work.

The anchor point must be strong. Test it by tying the rope to it and try to pull yourself up on. IF it holds, it should be good.

Someone can correct me if I've gotten anything wrong.

I do not aid or encourage suicide. I am only writing for educational purposes.

But I'm scared I won't compress the right arteries, how do I avoid doing it wrong and feeling like my eyes are gonna pop out like when I was younger??

Given everything you described, I'd say partial is the best. The idea is blocking blood flow via the carotid arteries, so IF done correctly, there should be no choking sensation. Blacking out is usually fairly quick. Must be a slip knot (or arbor knot) and NOT a hangman's noose. The reason is that it needs to be able to tighten easily. A hangman's noose is designed for dropping and snapping the neck. Position for partial, I'm still not 100% on because I've tried a couple different ones that seemed to work.

The anchor point must be strong. Test it by tying the rope to it and try to pull yourself up on. IF it holds, it should be good.

Someone can correct me if I've gotten anything wrong.

I do not aid or encourage suicide. I am only writing for educational purposes.

WAIT I'm gonna edit my post, this is stupid and if the time ever comes maybe I won't want this anymore, but I secretly kind of want to be saved sometimes. But it's all just fantasy. But basically, I'm torn between wanting something that knocks me out quick, vs something that even if it's been like 30 minutes there's still a chance to back out. If somebody found me. Maybe someone would care. But I only want such a thing if being saved means I have no damage from the attempt. Or maybe I want the chance to back out myself. But how could I do that if I was passed out? Passed out doesn't mean dead, I'd want to pass out quick to avoid pain but idk.

 

[TheTwelthRootOfTwo]

But I'm scared I won't compress the right arteries, how do I avoid doing it wrong and feeling like my eyes are gonna pop out like when I was younger??

WAIT I'm gonna edit my post, this is stupid and if the time ever comes maybe I won't want this anymore, but I secretly kind of want to be saved sometimes. But it's all just fantasy. But basically, I'm torn between wanting something that knocks me out quick, vs something that even if it's been like 30 minutes there's still a chance to back out. If somebody found me. Maybe someone would care. But I only want such a thing if being saved means I have no damage from the attempt. Or maybe I want the chance to back out myself. But how could I do that if I was passed out? Passed out doesn't mean dead, I'd want to pass out quick to avoid pain but idk.

That inner conflict is actually very common. There is this "I want to do this", but, "I want to be saved". I deal with it all the time and drives me nuts. I thought I was alone in that until I started reading this site.

 

[sohopelessandempty]

That inner conflict is actually very common. There is this "I want to do this", but, "I want to be saved". I deal with it all the time and drives me nuts. I thought I was alone in that until I started reading this site.

What do I do about it though?? What's the best method that could give me everything I desire without all the drawbacks?? Is it possible to back out from partial hanging? I assume not because I'd be passed out. But methods where you don't pass out quick sound painful.

 

[TheTwelthRootOfTwo]

Honestly, I don't know. I struggle with this all the time.

 

[sohopelessandempty]

Honestly, I don't know. I struggle with this all the time.

Do you think 18 is too young to quit or does it not matter? Sometimes I feel stupid and like I haven't suffered long enough. But it's been for almost my whole life. It feels like all I do is suffer. I know deep down it won't get better.

 

[TheTwelthRootOfTwo]

Do you think 18 is too young to quit or does it not matter? Sometimes I feel stupid and like I haven't suffered long enough. But it's been for almost my whole life. It feels like all I do is suffer. I know deep down it won't get better.

I mean, it does seem very young. I tried my first serious attempt at 19.