Help Need help getting mental health help

[cyclicism]

Hiii, I'm just having a terrible day and need help with a few things. Need to make some decisions.

I want to get MH support, but I don't know how I should go about it.

Background info (questions at the bottom):
I'm in university. I live at home with my parents and commute to school.

I've been suicidal for a long time, but this winter break it got bad. Really bad out of nowhere. One day I was fine, and the next I lost all motivation, all good habits I've built up, and I got further along in my plans to ctb then I ever have before. Since then, I've been stuck in a loop half a day I'm hopeful and trying to press on, while the other I'm near caratonic fighting for my life to just do daily shit I always do (technically I've been stuck in this loop for years, but the cycle is so fast now I cannot handle it).

As much as I wish I could just impulsively ctb, that's not me. I need to have 'earned' it. So, I'm setting a date for once the semester ends. I have to make it through these shitty classes and finish 2nd year, and if I still feel like ctbing after all that effort then I'll truly deserve it. (there's more to it ofc but it doesn't rlly matter)

But, no matter if I'm ctbing or not when that deadline arises, I'm not getting there in the first place without outside help. Hence my want for a therapist.

Anyways, right now I've skipped all my classes and have just been driving around. Wallowing. Thinking. My plan is to spill my guts to my parents (NOT about suicidal thoughts/tendencies) once I get home and enlist their help in getting MH help, or at least ask if they have insurance for it.

Im terrified. What do I even say? I really don't want them to know, and also they are not the best support for this stuff. Also I don't want my whole extended family to know about my mental either. Although begging my mother (she's a gossiper) to keep it a secret makes me want to throw up (tbf all of this does).

Or should I even involve them at all? I could just find help on my own and pay for it out of pocket.

I'd have to use my savings (and usually I'm extremely obsessive about money, but I don't care anymore, what does saving for the future matter if you're drowning all the time), but I could manage paying all on my own.

Any thoughts/advice? I'd appreciate anything right now cause my mind's just going in the same terrible circles.

 

[LostLily]

Proud of you for reaching out , i know that is hard to do.

Have you check to see if your university has any counselling or mental health service?

 

[cyclicism]

Have you check to see if your university has any counselling or mental health service?

They do, I'll (ideally) be calling or going in-person tomorrow to set up an appointment.

And thank you, it means a lot

 

[CatLvr]

That's good. You've taken that first step. Something a lot of folks here do is start a thread of their own to vent in. Get shit off their chest. Kinda like a journal of sorts, I think. Maybe that would help?? If you didn't want to do that here then maybe start your own journal on paper??

I used to just drive endlessly when I was in school. I didn't realize it at the time but that was my time to decompress from everything I was going through.

If, for some reason, you aren't happy with the way things go with the university's program, don't give up. It seems to me that it takes a bit to find a therapist you can connect with so don't get discouraged. And of course, we are always here if you need to vent. Or ask questions. Or just to visit.

 

[Overwhelmed52]

They do, I'll (ideally) be calling or going in-person tomorrow to set up an appointment.

And thank you, it means a lot

I think school is the best place for you to start.

 

[human909]

I think the best thing for you is to go to the mental health services or counseling at your university like LostLily said. hope that helps.

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

Depending on where you live, you can likely go to your city's Health Department and tell them you are in mental distress. Just don't tell them you are suicidal, unless you want to end up in the ward.

A nurse practitioner will write you scrips to get meds.

 

[needthebus]

I would call up your insurance and see what is covered. If there is a college mental health services and they pay for stuff, you can just do that.

If you are doing anything beyond that, I would also speak with a financial planner about your mental health.

You are probably thinking: "Why would I want to speak with a financial planner about mental health?"

Mental health can be expensive and a lot of times there are slogans like "Put Mental Health First" or "Your wellness needs to be the number 1 priority" but actually, sometimes suicidal people don't die and they end up in a lot of debt and enrich doctors and hospitals.

If running each morning and taking a low dose of Prozac from a general doctor costs $60 a year, and an in-patient stay costs $40,000 and you're insurance covers $25,000 and then they put you on a medication that isn't generic and you end up paying $5000 in psychiatric meetings and pills and then you get $5000 in therapy bills, it's one of those things that may not make a difference between life and death but will make life a lot harder if you live.

https://www.plannersearch.org/ - for financial planners

Mental health specialists, doctors, and those in the mental health industry will NEVER care about your financial wellness. It makes sense to look into help, but please please please get some financial advice about managing the cost of this and the financial impact it will have. Please see exactly what insurance does and doesn't cover.

If you are not jogging each morning for 30 minutes and are capable of doing it, please please try this too.

If you college has a mental health center, you can just ask them about costs there. You don't have to involve your parents if you don't want to. I think it's better not to involve them and figure out the financial aspect on your own, see if you can get free stuff, and only involve them if it's needed.

If you have mental health issues, it's almost always better to keep it to yourself. People discriminate against those with mental health issues, and that includes job discrimination and people also just personally being put off by it. Keep it as hidden as possible, but also try to get treatment, if you can. It's never a good idea to tell friends or family because people will say things, even if they promise at first not to do so.

Also know that if you are in the US, and you get mental health help, you will get a diagnosis for insurance purposes (it's how they do billing) and the diagnosis will make it illegal for you to own guns, become a pilot, and will prevent you from doing anything that requires a security clearance. You become a different type of person after.

Please try running every morning for 30 minutes for 1 week if possible if you've never tried that. If you can get better that way, it will make your financial situation better and won't require a diagnosis. If that doesn't work, or if you've tried it, get help.

a keto diet sometimes can help too, the modern diet causes inflammation which leads to depression.

i hope things go well for you, if this is too much info and you need help right now, just go get it from the college health center first

 

[onthefence]

Were you able to reach out to the counseling option at school?