I read an interesting article on suicidality of young people. It was in German I will highlight only one short part.
The article said the following (I cannot guarantee it IS actually true): In concret almost always prior to a suicide attempt a narcissistic injury happened. The own self-perception collides/crashes brutally with the reality. Seemingly harmless lovesickness is the perfect example. But also an honorable teacher that humiliated the person. It is an experience of injury/ wound (the German word defined by Freud is "Kränkung" which has a connection to honor in my opinion) almost always plays a role. Such a pattern can be shown in therapies (to prevent them or to understand them)
I am pretty stunned it perfectly fits to my suicidality. It is one reason I was acute suicidal after my manias with psychosis which almost drove me over the edge and which probably let me beat my survival instict eventually. I have and had extreme pathological shame I am very sensitive towards that and at the same time I had extreme amounts of tshame. When I realized that this feeling is cyclic I started to be convinced I gonna kill myself eventually. And well after my breakdowns it became way more likely because my recovery attempts failed utterly. Currently I feel often shame because my crush considers me insane. And this narcisstic injury perfectly fits that phenomenon. By the way the name does not imply oen is a narcissist also other mental illnesses can be responsible for that. But before I go on and bore you further here are some texts from the internet.
"Narcissistic injuries can affect both narcissists and non-narcissists. Narcissistic injuries refer to both a specific behavior that inflicts injury and the experience of such injury. They can affect individuals, groups, or even nations. Narcissistic injuries serve a communicative function by attacking the narcissism and identity of the other person. They aim to undermine self-esteem, self-assurance, and self-confidence, as well as question self-respect and self-worth, thereby weakening them."
Means of injury can include humiliation, exposure, degradation, devaluation, humiliation, and ridicule. The experienced emotions can include fear, pain, shame, frustration, and anger. Reactions to narcissistic injuries can be adaptive regulation or pathological responses.
The term "narcissistic injury" was coined by Sigmund Freud and is used in various scientific disciplines.
"Injuries are ubiquitous."
"Since those affected perceive criticism as very threatening, even small conflicts often lead to major disputes."
"Pathological narcissists suffer from low self-esteem, pronounced sensitivity to criticism, and fear of failure."
"Narcissistic personality disorder is a profound personality disorder that often coexists with other mental disorders."
"People with narcissistic personality disorder are easily offended. Especially in women, a single 'no' can make them feel rejected in their entire person."
"Both individuals, groups or states can be affected by the offensive event. In this respect, the narcissistic injury has a communicative function."
"Narcissistic injury refers to both a specific behavior that inflicts injury and an experience in which it is felt."
Another source:
Narcissistic injury, also known as narcissistic wound or wounded ego, is emotional trauma that overwhelms an individual's defense mechanisms and devastates their pride and self-worth. In some cases, the shame or disgrace is so significant that the individual can never again truly feel good about who they are. This is sometimes referred to as a "narcissistic scar"
So here again me writing: It was kind of eyeopening reading that news article. I was delusional prior to my breakdowns. I was megalomaniac and believed women loved me and shit like that while afterwards I realized they laughed at me instead or at least ignored me. The humiliation almost killed me and if I have to experience that again I will kill myself. It is also an attack on my identity. The culprits are not really the women they could not care less about me. It is the pathology of my bipolar disorder. So many women dismissed me because of my insanity. If people really know me and my problems they call me self-aware and smart. Not insane. But due to the fact I become psychotic in the first interaction with my crushs (as it lately happened) they consider me insane. Sometimes I can do damage repair but the stigma is often too much. I also considered to make a thread with the title "Do you consider me insane?". But I was too scared about honest answers. It is really bad for my self-worth and self-hatred. I think compared to any person I met in college I despise myself a lot. I don't have self-confidence and I am an anxious awkward dude. Compared to the people in this forum my self-worth is higher and the self-hatred less. I think there are levels far lower and far higher in some people. If I think for example about David Foster Wallace. I think I have some pathologies like wanting to be seen as smart-ass (which sometimes works), my thin body (obsession about that due to bullying), and close friendships which provide me with some positive energy. But I really would not say I felt any self-love about myself.
I am very sad when these women think of me as insane and it hurts like hell. They don't even know me. I once had some deep conversations after such an incident with a crush and she was very positively surprised that I am such a reasonable, funny and smart guy. The stigmatization and maybe my (past) social-awkwardness were too much for her still. It was the girl from all my crushes where I think it really could have been a sustainable and positive partnership.
These incidents attacked my self-esteem, self-assurance and self-respect as it was described.
This is exactly me after my breakdowns: "Means of injury can include humiliation, exposure, degradation, devaluation, humiliation, and ridicule. The experienced emotions can include fear, pain, shame, frustration, and anger. Reactions to narcissistic injuries can be adaptive regulation or pathological responses." This will drive me to commit suicide when it happens again.
As I said I might be very sensitive. I had this extreme shame 24/7 for more than half a year. All the negative associations and words poured on me like I was in a storm. There was good description in Infinite Jest but I had to search for it. There was no defense. Nothing helped. There was only me and the pain. I was in a clinic with a very patient therapist. She barely had insights in myself but she was there for me and listened. She always thought I would be lonely and this was my main problem. Which was not the core problem. I had extreme insane existential pain mixed with extreme psychosomatic pain which was combined a 10/10 on the pain scale. This feeling is the reason why I plan to kill myself (inter alia). Why I am even forced to do it. I won't be able to cope with that shit another time. It is very hard to put it into words. Maybe it would be fitting comparing it to a person posted accidentally a nude in a chat with their whole school, you cannot delete and the peak of that shame lasted several months with no relief no matter what you do. However I think the traits of my mind how it is built makes the pain probably even way worse. Due to a very high sensitivty for shame. So there are many ways of humiliation. Insane shit happens. I once posted a thread where it said a woman in India was gang-raped. And then her head was shaved, she had to walk naked through her town while others filmed it and made fun of her. Maybe that fits. It is just a very nightmarish experience where all of my cells, neutrons, and particles screamed "Kill yourself you fucking disgusting piece of shit" I always had the anxiety to be a pervert or to be seen as a pervert who molests women. In fact and I was able to tell me that this was no true but it did not help. I did not molest these women. These women giggled about me, how weird I was and were kind of cringe. They had their fun. Though none of them was molested. Still I felt like a despicable human being that needs to be punished for it. I probably acted like someone drunk but nothing to kill yourself for. Well tell that to all this pathological shame it does not help.
Yeah that will likely happen prior to my suicide as it is described in the article. Do you have similar experiences to share?
The article said the following (I cannot guarantee it IS actually true): In concret almost always prior to a suicide attempt a narcissistic injury happened. The own self-perception collides/crashes brutally with the reality. Seemingly harmless lovesickness is the perfect example. But also an honorable teacher that humiliated the person. It is an experience of injury/ wound (the German word defined by Freud is "Kränkung" which has a connection to honor in my opinion) almost always plays a role. Such a pattern can be shown in therapies (to prevent them or to understand them)
I am pretty stunned it perfectly fits to my suicidality. It is one reason I was acute suicidal after my manias with psychosis which almost drove me over the edge and which probably let me beat my survival instict eventually. I have and had extreme pathological shame I am very sensitive towards that and at the same time I had extreme amounts of tshame. When I realized that this feeling is cyclic I started to be convinced I gonna kill myself eventually. And well after my breakdowns it became way more likely because my recovery attempts failed utterly. Currently I feel often shame because my crush considers me insane. And this narcisstic injury perfectly fits that phenomenon. By the way the name does not imply oen is a narcissist also other mental illnesses can be responsible for that. But before I go on and bore you further here are some texts from the internet.
"Narcissistic injuries can affect both narcissists and non-narcissists. Narcissistic injuries refer to both a specific behavior that inflicts injury and the experience of such injury. They can affect individuals, groups, or even nations. Narcissistic injuries serve a communicative function by attacking the narcissism and identity of the other person. They aim to undermine self-esteem, self-assurance, and self-confidence, as well as question self-respect and self-worth, thereby weakening them."
Means of injury can include humiliation, exposure, degradation, devaluation, humiliation, and ridicule. The experienced emotions can include fear, pain, shame, frustration, and anger. Reactions to narcissistic injuries can be adaptive regulation or pathological responses.
The term "narcissistic injury" was coined by Sigmund Freud and is used in various scientific disciplines.
"Injuries are ubiquitous."
"Since those affected perceive criticism as very threatening, even small conflicts often lead to major disputes."
"Pathological narcissists suffer from low self-esteem, pronounced sensitivity to criticism, and fear of failure."
"Narcissistic personality disorder is a profound personality disorder that often coexists with other mental disorders."
"People with narcissistic personality disorder are easily offended. Especially in women, a single 'no' can make them feel rejected in their entire person."
"Both individuals, groups or states can be affected by the offensive event. In this respect, the narcissistic injury has a communicative function."
"Narcissistic injury refers to both a specific behavior that inflicts injury and an experience in which it is felt."
Another source:
Narcissistic injury, also known as narcissistic wound or wounded ego, is emotional trauma that overwhelms an individual's defense mechanisms and devastates their pride and self-worth. In some cases, the shame or disgrace is so significant that the individual can never again truly feel good about who they are. This is sometimes referred to as a "narcissistic scar"
So here again me writing: It was kind of eyeopening reading that news article. I was delusional prior to my breakdowns. I was megalomaniac and believed women loved me and shit like that while afterwards I realized they laughed at me instead or at least ignored me. The humiliation almost killed me and if I have to experience that again I will kill myself. It is also an attack on my identity. The culprits are not really the women they could not care less about me. It is the pathology of my bipolar disorder. So many women dismissed me because of my insanity. If people really know me and my problems they call me self-aware and smart. Not insane. But due to the fact I become psychotic in the first interaction with my crushs (as it lately happened) they consider me insane. Sometimes I can do damage repair but the stigma is often too much. I also considered to make a thread with the title "Do you consider me insane?". But I was too scared about honest answers. It is really bad for my self-worth and self-hatred. I think compared to any person I met in college I despise myself a lot. I don't have self-confidence and I am an anxious awkward dude. Compared to the people in this forum my self-worth is higher and the self-hatred less. I think there are levels far lower and far higher in some people. If I think for example about David Foster Wallace. I think I have some pathologies like wanting to be seen as smart-ass (which sometimes works), my thin body (obsession about that due to bullying), and close friendships which provide me with some positive energy. But I really would not say I felt any self-love about myself.
I am very sad when these women think of me as insane and it hurts like hell. They don't even know me. I once had some deep conversations after such an incident with a crush and she was very positively surprised that I am such a reasonable, funny and smart guy. The stigmatization and maybe my (past) social-awkwardness were too much for her still. It was the girl from all my crushes where I think it really could have been a sustainable and positive partnership.
These incidents attacked my self-esteem, self-assurance and self-respect as it was described.
This is exactly me after my breakdowns: "Means of injury can include humiliation, exposure, degradation, devaluation, humiliation, and ridicule. The experienced emotions can include fear, pain, shame, frustration, and anger. Reactions to narcissistic injuries can be adaptive regulation or pathological responses." This will drive me to commit suicide when it happens again.
As I said I might be very sensitive. I had this extreme shame 24/7 for more than half a year. All the negative associations and words poured on me like I was in a storm. There was good description in Infinite Jest but I had to search for it. There was no defense. Nothing helped. There was only me and the pain. I was in a clinic with a very patient therapist. She barely had insights in myself but she was there for me and listened. She always thought I would be lonely and this was my main problem. Which was not the core problem. I had extreme insane existential pain mixed with extreme psychosomatic pain which was combined a 10/10 on the pain scale. This feeling is the reason why I plan to kill myself (inter alia). Why I am even forced to do it. I won't be able to cope with that shit another time. It is very hard to put it into words. Maybe it would be fitting comparing it to a person posted accidentally a nude in a chat with their whole school, you cannot delete and the peak of that shame lasted several months with no relief no matter what you do. However I think the traits of my mind how it is built makes the pain probably even way worse. Due to a very high sensitivty for shame. So there are many ways of humiliation. Insane shit happens. I once posted a thread where it said a woman in India was gang-raped. And then her head was shaved, she had to walk naked through her town while others filmed it and made fun of her. Maybe that fits. It is just a very nightmarish experience where all of my cells, neutrons, and particles screamed "Kill yourself you fucking disgusting piece of shit" I always had the anxiety to be a pervert or to be seen as a pervert who molests women. In fact and I was able to tell me that this was no true but it did not help. I did not molest these women. These women giggled about me, how weird I was and were kind of cringe. They had their fun. Though none of them was molested. Still I felt like a despicable human being that needs to be punished for it. I probably acted like someone drunk but nothing to kill yourself for. Well tell that to all this pathological shame it does not help.
Yeah that will likely happen prior to my suicide as it is described in the article. Do you have similar experiences to share?
