Narcissism

[Miserious]

Are narcissists usually self aware? I know my family has generation after generation of not mentally well+narcissistic people, and I'm afraid I'm one of them sometimes. I don't want to be, as the oldest and scapegoat of the family, but sometimes I realize I do some things+manipulate situations to seem like the victim. And then second guess myself. Am I really manipulative? Is this just my imposter syndrome talking? I'm not telling you all to call me a narcissistic, but I've been wondering if you all think of the same things sometimes.
As in...maybe they're right. Maybe I am the problem, and not them. Maybe I am the abusive one, and not them, like they say, despite others reassuring me I'm not the problem, with years of being close to those who say I am, maybe, and sometimes definitely, I really am.
It sounds odd, and it is, but as I've said, with the same people I live with every day telling me I'm the problem and a horrible person and that I'm using everyone, sometimes if not all the time I think I am.

 

[angel31]

I have similar feelings sometimes, I think u might just be "overreacting", if u know what I mean… <3

 

[Miserious]

I have similar feelings sometimes, I think u might just be "overreacting", if u know what I mean… <3

I understand, haha. I tend to do that a lot bc of my audhd
But especially nowadays since mother has gotten worse and thinks screaming and telling me I am awful will magically make me not depressed and useless anymore

I know I'm useless right now, but I can't be expected to heal. It's like tearing healthy leaves off of a dying plant, in anger that it isn't blooming

 

[angel31]

I am sure u arent useless… if u are rlly concerned about maybe being narcissistic, then u could maybe talk to a psychiatrist about it… I wish u all the best and hope ull feel better soon:) if u ever want to chat a bit, u can always PM me, im sending u a rlly big hug

 

[Miserious]

I am sure u arent useless… if u are rlly concerned about maybe being narcissistic, then u could maybe talk to a psychiatrist about it… I wish u all the best and hope ull feel better soon:) if u ever want to chat a bit, u can always PM me, im sending u a rlly big hug

Tysm <3 can't afford a psychiatrist rn but when I could a year ago they said I had cptsd+possible DID bc of it aaaa is not fun lol
Sending hugs back, thank you for the reassurances!

 

[Pluto]

Everyone is at least a little bit narcissistic. I have CPTSD due to a narcissistic family, too. I definitely have issues but I still feel able to care about others and feel love.

I'd recommend learning about the ways that Npeople manipulate others. There are various tactics. It will help you identify when the family is messing with your mind.

 

[Miserious]

Everyone is at least a little bit narcissistic. I have CPTSD due to a narcissistic family, too. I definitely have issues but I still feel able to care about others and feel love.

I'd recommend learning about the ways that Npeople manipulate others. There are various tactics. It will help you identify when the family is messing with your mind.

Ive done my research and I know when they are but I can't help but feel they are right sometimes haha, even when I know they're wrong? It's hard to explain but its probably a form of narcissistic conditioning or something that I can't shake myself of

 

[The anhedonic one]

I had a narcissistic Mother. Narcissistic types are self aware and know exactly what they are doing. They are evil, cold and calculating and deserve to be culled from society, along with all the other trash like paedophiles and psychopaths.

 

[nerve]

when someone with narcissism is aware that they're a narcissist, they usually don't care, think people are just too dumb/weak/jealous to appreciate them, or celebrate it and think it makes them special or proves how strong they are.

you have manipulative traits and so do i. so does everyone. babies figure out that they can manipulate people by crying at around 6 to 9-months-old. to some extent, it's just part of being human, but it's also something that can be addressed if you really think it's getting in the way of relationships you value.

if your family has a history of using you as a scapegoat, it means theyre engaging in a lot of confirmation bias and actively looking for reasons to keep using you as an excuse for their problems. people outside of your family will probably have a more objective point of view on what kind of person you are.

c-ptsd complicates things because you genuinely were a victim at some point. trauma does the thing where it can lock a big part of someones psyche in those moments and emotions of being abused and victimized, especially if they feel theyre in danger of being hurt again.

tl;dr: you're probably not a narcissist c:

 

[thornyrose]

There's a YouTube channel by a self-aware narcissist who goes by the alias "H G Tudor". He claims that the vast majority of narcissists are not self-aware. This is definitely true with my abusive parent, and helps me both deal with it emotionally and predict their behavior better. He also says that if a person is a narcissist, they wouldn't be concerned that maybe they're a narcissist. Either they'd be not self-aware and in strong denial, or self-aware and not care about it, thinking that the problem is still other people. What you're experiencing, the self-doubt, sounds like the effects of gaslighting. It just keeps gnawing at you in waves of emotion because the narcissist is so certain in declaring that you're the problem. Manipulation tactics tend to rub off on you when you're exposed to them as a child, it's normal to naturally communicate a bit like the narcissist when you've grown up and have to work your way out of that. There's such a thing as reactive abuse: when a narcissist riles you up until you explode with emotion, saying things to them that you wouldn't normally say, which a narcissist then uses to play the victim. It's a human thing to get riled up that way, but in essence, it then becomes the victim's responsibility to avoid the narcissist, so that the victim can avoid doing anything that they wouldn't otherwise do. Because the narcissist isn't going to stop. The true test of whether someone is a narcissist is do they have emotional empathy for even friends and family. Hope this helps.

 

[SoftWorries]

Yes they are aware. If they weren't they wouldn't have layers and layers of justification.

But even if you were a narcissist now it isn't like being a werewolf. You could change your thought patterns and behaviors. Likely though you are not a narcissist

Like some people said everyone is self focused to some degree. Which is good because we need to take care of ourselves and protect ourselves. No one else will or is able to. Your first priority should be your well being and right below that the well being of others

 

[Miserious]

Yes they are aware. If they weren't they wouldn't have layers and layers of justification.

But even if you were a narcissist now it isn't like being a werewolf. You could change your thought patterns and behaviors. Likely though you are not a narcissist

Like some people said everyone is self focused to some degree. Which is good because we need to take care of ourselves and protect ourselves. No one else will or is able to. Your first priority should be your well being and right below that the well being of others

Thanks for the kind words everyone. Forgot if I said this before, but I'm moving in with a friend this month later on and bc of my entire family wanting me to stay to keep babysitting and cleaning for them I'm going to have to do it in secret. Thankfully I have all my documents in order so I know where they are. I feel awful for leaving but I know it has to be done or I'm going to end up going insane with my moms tactics and triangulation to the point i might hurt myself more than I have already

 

[SoftWorries]

Thanks for the kind words everyone. Forgot if I said this before, but I'm moving in with a friend this month later on and bc of my entire family wanting me to stay to keep babysitting and cleaning for them I'm going to have to do it in secret. Thankfully I have all my documents in order so I know where they are. I feel awful for leaving but I know it has to be done or I'm going to end up going insane with my moms tactics and triangulation to the point i might hurt myself more than I have already

That's going to be so great. I'm excited for you!

 

[SpaceEngineer]

Are narcissists usually self aware? I know my family has generation after generation of not mentally well+narcissistic people, and I'm afraid I'm one of them sometimes. I don't want to be, as the oldest and scapegoat of the family, but sometimes I realize I do some things+manipulate situations to seem like the victim. And then second guess myself. Am I really manipulative? Is this just my imposter syndrome talking? I'm not telling you all to call me a narcissistic, but I've been wondering if you all think of the same things sometimes.
As in...maybe they're right. Maybe I am the problem, and not them. Maybe I am the abusive one, and not them, like they say, despite others reassuring me I'm not the problem, with years of being close to those who say I am, maybe, and sometimes definitely, I really am.
It sounds odd, and it is, but as I've said, with the same people I live with every day telling me I'm the problem and a horrible person and that I'm using everyone, sometimes if not all the time I think I am.

I can relate to this a lot, my Ma is a textbook narcissist and there's some times I do something like her or feel like I'm becoming her. Terrible feeling when you're set up to fail but all we can do is try to be better than you those before us. You are most likely not the problem, it's just a heart stopping fear of turning out to be like the bane of your own existence. You got this buddy :)

 

[flyingrabbitt]

A lot of these people are demonising NPD which is a disorder primarily caused by trauma and some genetic factors. Narcissists can be self aware, I'm a narc in recovery and with everything I have going on I doubt I will ever go into remission with this disorder like I did with my BPD. Being a narcissist doesn't mean you're a bad person, just that you haveba disorder.

That being said it's very common for people not to be aware they have NPD and going untreated with a personality disorder for a long time can cause symptoms to turn into abuse, and that is the fault of the person because it's their responsibility to seek out treatment and do what they can to avoid hurting others. I've also found a lot of people call non NPD people narcissists which is pretty harmful because it's not a synonyms for abuser.

My advice for you OP is to look at resources for NPD, I'm talking diagnostic criteria and support groups for people with the disorder. They have accurate information on this disorder and its presentations without the demonisation that a lot of other spaces have. They usually also offer resources for getting better.

 

[wristcutangel]

npd can be caused by childhood trauma, so just being a narcissist on its own isn't an inherently bad thing. if you do happen to be a narcissist, that doesn't inherently mean you're an abuser, you're just disordered. same as any other illness. what matters is how you choose to handle your symptoms.

 

[romeinjuly]

when someone with narcissism is aware that they're a narcissist, they usually don't care, think people are just too dumb/weak/jealous to appreciate them, or celebrate it and think it makes them special or proves how strong they are.

you have manipulative traits and so do i. so does everyone. babies figure out that they can manipulate people by crying at around 6 to 9-months-old. to some extent, it's just part of being human, but it's also something that can be addressed if you really think it's getting in the way of relationships you value.

if your family has a history of using you as a scapegoat, it means theyre engaging in a lot of confirmation bias and actively looking for reasons to keep using you as an excuse for their problems. people outside of your family will probably have a more objective point of view on what kind of person you are.

c-ptsd complicates things because you genuinely were a victim at some point. trauma does the thing where it can lock a big part of someones psyche in those moments and emotions of being abused and victimized, especially if they feel theyre in danger of being hurt again.

tl;dr: you're probably not a narcissist c:

Thanks for this comment. The point about actually having been a victim at some point and your brain re-enacting that was really insightful! I never thought of it that way.

 

[Celerity]

when someone with narcissism is aware that they're a narcissist, they usually don't care, think people are just too dumb/weak/jealous to appreciate them, or celebrate it and think it makes them special or proves how strong they are.

you have manipulative traits and so do i. so does everyone. babies figure out that they can manipulate people by crying at around 6 to 9-months-old. to some extent, it's just part of being human, but it's also something that can be addressed if you really think it's getting in the way of relationships you value.

if your family has a history of using you as a scapegoat, it means theyre engaging in a lot of confirmation bias and actively looking for reasons to keep using you as an excuse for their problems. people outside of your family will probably have a more objective point of view on what kind of person you are.

c-ptsd complicates things because you genuinely were a victim at some point. trauma does the thing where it can lock a big part of someones psyche in those moments and emotions of being abused and victimized, especially if they feel theyre in danger of being hurt again.

tl;dr: you're probably not a narcissist c:

This, OP. As someone who has had similar self-doubts in this arena, I would recommend reading up on CPTSD. I have not been active in a year or so, but I found the CPTSD subreddit friendly. I would also consider the Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Families website.

Pete Walker, M.A. Psychotherapy

Pete Walker M.A., MFT Therapy for and recovery from childhood trauma, abuse and/or neglect, in the East Bay

www.pete-walker.com

Welcome - Adult Children of Alcoholics & Dysfunctional Families

adultchildren.org

 

[Miserious]

A lot of these people are demonising NPD which is a disorder primarily caused by trauma and some genetic factors. Narcissists can be self aware, I'm a narc in recovery and with everything I have going on I doubt I will ever go into remission with this disorder like I did with my BPD. Being a narcissist doesn't mean you're a bad person, just that you haveba disorder.

That being said it's very common for people not to be aware they have NPD and going untreated with a personality disorder for a long time can cause symptoms to turn into abuse, and that is the fault of the person because it's their responsibility to seek out treatment and do what they can to avoid hurting others. I've also found a lot of people call non NPD people narcissists which is pretty harmful because it's not a synonyms for abuser.

My advice for you OP is to look at resources for NPD, I'm talking diagnostic criteria and support groups for people with the disorder. They have accurate information on this disorder and its presentations without the demonisation that a lot of other spaces have. They usually also offer resources for getting better.

I'm 99% sure my mom is a narcissist due to her own childhood trauma tbh. I try not to blame her for it, but its a generational trauma thing I suppose, that I myself am trying to pull out of. I understand your pain about people demonising NPD, but I also believe calling someone narcissistic( e.g "gosh that person is acting so narcissistic right now") is okay as long as you aren't labelling them with the disorder. People can exibit narcissistic traits without having it- And I've done my research and I don't think I have it. I think I might have cptsd and major imposter syndrome haha.
I don't condone armchair diagnosis whatsoever, but when it comes to my mom I've been a victim of her and had to be her therapist for so long I don't think I can shake my thoughts about her off. She'd completely deny being a narcissist anyway, lol. I'm glad you're self aware and recovering, though! I have a friend with NPD and he's a really chill guy, most of the time we just have to talk things out if something comes up lol. I wish you the very best, friend!

 

[Namensjemand]

The way I understand and expierenced narcissism it is all about a lack of self-awareness. You replace yourself with a grandious idea of yourself, to some extend, in some way, and you have to constantly interpret reality in a way fitting that narrative/image of yourself. The whole point really is to be less self-aware but have the confidence/comfort whatever of being superior.

 

[LadyOfLight]

Are narcissists usually self aware? I know my family has generation after generation of not mentally well+narcissistic people, and I'm afraid I'm one of them sometimes. I don't want to be, as the oldest and scapegoat of the family, but sometimes I realize I do some things+manipulate situations to seem like the victim. And then second guess myself. Am I really manipulative? Is this just my imposter syndrome talking? I'm not telling you all to call me a narcissistic, but I've been wondering if you all think of the same things sometimes.
As in...maybe they're right. Maybe I am the problem, and not them. Maybe I am the abusive one, and not them, like they say, despite others reassuring me I'm not the problem, with years of being close to those who say I am, maybe, and sometimes definitely, I really am.
It sounds odd, and it is, but as I've said, with the same people I live with every day telling me I'm the problem and a horrible person and that I'm using everyone, sometimes if not all the time I think I am.

Narcissists are not self aware, if you are writing this it already shows that you aren't one. People with this disorder lie so convincingly to the point of making you think that you have gone mad and you are the bad one. These people are highly manipulative and create a perfect image for themselves, sadistic, crave control, attention and a narcissist is more terrifying than any other disorder. Sorry you have to deal with one, the only option is to move out of that house, because others won't believe you, most people are too stupid to realize the lies they are being fed. I escaped two narcissists but they did their damage, I cannot forget the nightmare I had gone through and I cannot live with the memories of my early life.

 

[Miserious]

Narcissists are not self aware, if you are writing this it already shows that you aren't one. People with this disorder lie so convincingly to the point of making you think that you have gone mad and you are the bad one. These people are highly manipulative and create a perfect image for themselves, sadistic, crave control, attention and a narcissist is more terrifying than any other disorder. Sorry you have to deal with one, the only option is to move out of that house, because others won't believe you, most people are too stupid to realize the lies they are being fed. I escaped two narcissists but they did their damage, I cannot forget the nightmare I had gone through and I cannot live with the memories of my early life.

Unfortunately I've been manipulated into coming back since my mom threatened to off herself, put the cats up for adoption, AND make sure my siblings never saw me again if I didn't go back to her.
I at least got her to say she'll let me have a job so I can move out to be with my girlfriend in illinois...but if she goes back on her word whatsoever I'm going to probably leave again, and this time cut her off completely.

 

[olearius]

Unfortunately I've been manipulated into coming back since my mom threatened to off herself, put the cats up for adoption, AND make sure my siblings never saw me again if I didn't go back to her.
I at least got her to say she'll let me have a job so I can move out to be with my girlfriend in illinois...but if she goes back on her word whatsoever I'm going to probably leave again, and this time cut her off completely.

I'm so sorry to hear that. I hope you are safe.

 

[flyingrabbitt]

I understand your pain about people demonising NPD, but I also believe calling someone narcissistic( e.g "gosh that person is acting so narcissistic right now") is okay as long as you aren't labelling them with the disorder. People can exibit narcissistic traits without having it-

Wow I'm really late with this reply but you can't seperate narcissistic from NPD the same way you can't seperate autistic from ASD. Traits are also a diagnosis, you can be diagnosed with NPD traits when you don't meet the full criteria.

In regards to your mother people with NPD are responsible for their own mental health and to make sure no one gets hurt as a result of their symptoms, it's fully her fault if she hurt you.