Venting My WORST and last Christmas

[WornOutLife]

I wrote some words today explaining that this would be my last Christmas because I'll ctb in a few months.

I really wanted this day to be nice but unfortunately, it wasn't.

My mother has schizophrenia and is verbally agressive 24/7. My dad and I want to send her to a psych ward but that's really hard to do in Argentina.

We had strong arguments just when it was cheers time. She even was about to call the police saying my dad and me want to kill her. This is ridiculous! Out of control!

I wanna leave this world at peace but life keeps making things tougher. I just want to help my dad because he will go through hell if I ctb and he is still in this situation with my mother.

Anyway, I really needed to vent. Thanks a bunch for reading me and btw...

Is anybody in a similar situation? Is this your worst Christmas just like mine?

Note: to make matters worse, I see "happy people enjoying Christmas" everywhere!

 

[Miss_Takes]

I am really sorry its been such a difficult day for you.
I have spent the day alone which is fine in itself and hasnt worried me for years but this tear has been harder.
I have been unable to bring myself to even send a text to my daughter. Shame is an horrible thing to live with but it is mine and I own it. Also, I think this is my last Xmas too and the realisation that I wont have the reconciliation I need means my daughter wont have any good adult memories of Xmas with me ... she has good childhood memories of some Xmas days at least. The sadness of that is overwhelming. And I feel guilty that my death will cause her pain ... but thats balanced by the pain I cause her in life.

Anyhow .... I have no understanding of the MH system in your country but if your mum was able to be committed to an inpatient situation would it make a difference to your plan?

Hugs to you

 

[Amumu]

I have severe insomnia but that's nothing compared to what you're going through.
Hugs bro, try to be kind with yourself though

 

[I screwed up]

Festive times are always the worst ... Here in India we have festivals every 2 months which is celebrated by all ... It makes my situation even worse .. My depression n suicidal feelings peaks... Wht makes it worse is inability to ctb

 

[Deleted member 22624]

Wow, very similar for me, just I don't live with my parents thankfully. My mum's destroying my dad though. I have promised my partner to try a few years of recovery at least before I ctb

 

[Hoarsewithnoname]

My husband is leaving me and our two kids to move to another country to start a new life with his mistress. But we have been stuck living together because of COVID. It's still Christmas Eve here but the pain of knowing this is our last Christmas as a family together, plus likely my last Christmas entirely, has been excruciating. My kids are so excited and I can barely muster the energy to fake even a smile for them. I've been struggling with holiday depression for the last several years already and I just want the season to be over.

 

[Tired_Tired]

Hoarsewithnoname. Hopefully your husband leaves enough money. Even money can't buy everything. At least your kids will not homeless.

 

[Hoarsewithnoname]

Hopefully your husband leaves enough money. Even money can't buy everything. At least your kids will not homeless.

If I don't ctb soon, I'm planning to take him for everything I possibly can in the divorce. Right now my rage and desire for revenge is probably the only thing still keeping me around. But I don't know if that will be enough, or for how much longer.