DoNotLet2
Wizard
- Oct 14, 2019
- 684
Hello
I need to be venting again lol.
The thing I care mostly in me is my knowledge, mind, cognitive skills etc. I don't care whether I'm ugly or not. I care whether I am wise/smart or not.
Soo let's be precise. My education system is 6 years of primary school + 3y of middle school + 3 or 4 of high school (some people have 2) + optionally University. Primary and middle have no specialization so you have all classes, no mater how hard you hate them. You are in a class with a 15-30 other people and you have all classes with them. One class lasts for 45 minutes and then is a break. Class can mean a group of people you study with everyday or lessons.
I have always been a good student, it's just natural for me, but I was in a normal class with 26 other people and just a few were as good as me. I was bored. The classes were run so slowly. Especially maths. We were doing a simple math topic for 3 classes (3*45 minutes). As a result we couldn't really do the advanced and more topics, which was really annoying to me. I didn't know how to learn maths apart from the school. At the age of 12-13 I promised myself "IN THE MIDDLE SCHOOL MY CLASSMATES WILL BE SMART AND WE WILL BE LEARNING ALL THE INTERESTING STUFF, NOT JUST THE BASICS".
Unfortunately the life decided to play with me. At the very ending I was diagnosed with Asperger syndrome, which is seen here as a complete retardation, extremely hard disability etc. There is a special kind of class. Max 20 children, 5 of them is disabled. There is a special teacher (suport teacher) that doesn't teach but takes part in most classes to help the disabled children/teenagers excract as much from the classes as possible (for example if you're Hard of Hearing and lipreading the main teacher, the suport teacher writes in your notebook for you and you lipread the main teacher). The rest (15 students) is able-bodied. There is just one problem. It's a class for stupid students. Both disabled and abled are stupid, they get low grades, have poor cognitive skills etc.
Psychiatrists/psychologists sent me to that kind of class in the middle school. I was broken… I had to be there… I was the smartest there and I was seen as the weird one, the classes were easy… Psychiatrists/Psychologists sent me there because such awful, broken, disabled people shouldn't be with precious children/teenagers? I shouldn't bother the good, worthy people, I should be isolated from tchem, shouldn't I?
It was awful apart from that. We had (mostly) worst teachers. Our educator could solve no problems. 5-6 students came from dregs of society and they did almost nothing but caused needless problems. But I couldn't be transferred to a regular class, because scums shouldn't be mixed with worthy people.
To make things worse I was forced to go to an additional class twice a week. It was really just for disabled people… It was called rehabilitation. I was drawing patterns, coloring… Preschool totally. Can you imagine what kind of insult it is for somebody who cares about their cognitive skills? HUGE.
Now I am in high school but I can't find myself worthy person. I feel like a scum.
I mean thanks for reading. I know most of you have suffered from much bigger traumas, but I said you didn't have to read if you didn't feel like reading.
I need to be venting again lol.
The thing I care mostly in me is my knowledge, mind, cognitive skills etc. I don't care whether I'm ugly or not. I care whether I am wise/smart or not.
Soo let's be precise. My education system is 6 years of primary school + 3y of middle school + 3 or 4 of high school (some people have 2) + optionally University. Primary and middle have no specialization so you have all classes, no mater how hard you hate them. You are in a class with a 15-30 other people and you have all classes with them. One class lasts for 45 minutes and then is a break. Class can mean a group of people you study with everyday or lessons.
I have always been a good student, it's just natural for me, but I was in a normal class with 26 other people and just a few were as good as me. I was bored. The classes were run so slowly. Especially maths. We were doing a simple math topic for 3 classes (3*45 minutes). As a result we couldn't really do the advanced and more topics, which was really annoying to me. I didn't know how to learn maths apart from the school. At the age of 12-13 I promised myself "IN THE MIDDLE SCHOOL MY CLASSMATES WILL BE SMART AND WE WILL BE LEARNING ALL THE INTERESTING STUFF, NOT JUST THE BASICS".
Unfortunately the life decided to play with me. At the very ending I was diagnosed with Asperger syndrome, which is seen here as a complete retardation, extremely hard disability etc. There is a special kind of class. Max 20 children, 5 of them is disabled. There is a special teacher (suport teacher) that doesn't teach but takes part in most classes to help the disabled children/teenagers excract as much from the classes as possible (for example if you're Hard of Hearing and lipreading the main teacher, the suport teacher writes in your notebook for you and you lipread the main teacher). The rest (15 students) is able-bodied. There is just one problem. It's a class for stupid students. Both disabled and abled are stupid, they get low grades, have poor cognitive skills etc.
Psychiatrists/psychologists sent me to that kind of class in the middle school. I was broken… I had to be there… I was the smartest there and I was seen as the weird one, the classes were easy… Psychiatrists/Psychologists sent me there because such awful, broken, disabled people shouldn't be with precious children/teenagers? I shouldn't bother the good, worthy people, I should be isolated from tchem, shouldn't I?
It was awful apart from that. We had (mostly) worst teachers. Our educator could solve no problems. 5-6 students came from dregs of society and they did almost nothing but caused needless problems. But I couldn't be transferred to a regular class, because scums shouldn't be mixed with worthy people.
To make things worse I was forced to go to an additional class twice a week. It was really just for disabled people… It was called rehabilitation. I was drawing patterns, coloring… Preschool totally. Can you imagine what kind of insult it is for somebody who cares about their cognitive skills? HUGE.
Now I am in high school but I can't find myself worthy person. I feel like a scum.
I mean thanks for reading. I know most of you have suffered from much bigger traumas, but I said you didn't have to read if you didn't feel like reading.
