Venting My trauma isn't traumatic enough?

[Neon Grave]

I've been attempting therapy over the last month or so due to current circumstances not allowing me to CTB. I figured that if I'm going to be stuck here waiting to die anyway, I might as well make the effort to see if I can make things "better" in the meantime.

I thought I was doing okay with this therapist. He wasn't particularly helpful in terms of developing coping skills or resolving issues, but it was alright to just be able to tell someone about all the shit I've been through in my life, some of which include physical and psychological abuse from childhood. He specializes in trauma, allegedly.

So color me shocked when he suggested I be referred to another therapist because, for some reason, he felt the need to reiterate that he "specializes in trauma," and apparently attributes all of my problems to being autistic. How the fuck does me being hit and screamed at from the ages of 8 to 16 have anything to do with my autism???

Even now it feels like he was trying to tell me that my trauma is so insignificant that he doesn't find it worth his time to work with me. I'm frustrated and angry because I KNOW that mental health care is fucked, but I feel stupid for even wasting the time and money trying only to be turned away because this guy is scared of working with a neurodivergent person.

 

[AbsentMindedHuman]

Im sorry you had to go through that. Despite the fact that I despise the mental health system, you deserve better. They are professionals who you rely on to help you in desperate times and all they can do is shrug you off like every other person who can't handle your troubles. They are supposed to be the ones who help us get through the darkest times but they have no idea what its like really and they are ill prepared to deal with it. I think every therapist should have battled some sort of mental health issue personally before teaking on like minded patients because when its all said and done, they have no idea how to handle our feelings, regardless of the "education" they have received.

It always comes down to raw dogging our illlness and dealing with the pain ourselves because at the end of the day, they dont care if you are happy, the only thing they care about is that you dont kill yourself under their leadership. everything else is a ruse to boost their ego and moral high ground and make money off our suffering. Sorry if I sound harsh but im calling it what it is.

 

[Neon Grave]

at the end of the day, they dont care if you are happy, the only thing they care about is that you dont kill yourself under their leadership. everything else is a ruse to boost their ego and moral high ground and make money off our suffering. Sorry if I sound harsh but im calling ti what it is.

I don't think you sound harsh at all, it's absolutely true. They directly benefit from other people feeling hopeless and desperate. Give them just enough to keep going... But not enough that they have the strength to stop utilizing the service.

I know that realistically he doesn't give a shit about my problems. He's being paid to listen to them.

 

[ninfanatic]

Well if you've grown older with SI/thoughts, I would think your trauma was both very existent and had an impact on you. Doctors can be insensitive, but try to trust your gut instinct, at the end of the day you know yourself better.