Now that I have it, I don't feel the pressure of trying to obtain it and plan it out. I've planned it, I have it, the hardest work is done, at least as far as preparation. It's there when and if I need or want it. I don't cuddle with it or anything, it's just accessible and therefore one less thing to stress about.
I've been reading Five Final Acts, written by the head or one of the heads of Exit out of Scotland (not Exit International, which publishes the PPH). The author describes how Exit does workshops for preparing for a self-determined death, attended mostly by older people who have or who (realistically) anticipate having health problems. They learn methods in the workshops and practice them so that they'll be prepared and relaxed when the time comes that they determine for themselves, and recommend periodically reviewing and practicing afterward.
I'd prefer another method, but I feel comfortable with the process of SN, as far as knowing the regimen, having all my supplies organized, having practiced with measurements, tested dissolving the SN and propanolol, etc. I don't anticipate a pleasant death if I go that route, but I won't be stressed by the preparation for it, so that's brought me a sense of having calm and control.
