My time is coming

[isam]

Hey everybody,

First of all, thanks a lot for this website. It helped me a lot to choose my 2nd way to go (1st one failed with 80 pills, mix of benzos, antidepressant and tramadol, i just slept 3,5 days, awesome -.- (which was actually the best 3,5 days of my life)), wich is SN.

I ordered it 1 and half week ago from a well known website, the estimated delivery time was yesterday, but i hope it will arrive soon anyway... Just in case i also ordered from a second one, but i hope the first one will be there before. I don't want to wait 'till the second one. I hope to be gone before Christmas.

I also get my meto by the doc today. Have to pick it up to the pharmacy tomorrow.

All i miss now is the antacid but it will be easy to obtain.


So now, here few of my questions.

- When is the best moment to start meto? For example, can i start to take it the morning and during the day for SN the evening?
- My Xanax is 0.25mg. How much should i take? and how much time before?
- I sould stop eating like 8 hours before drinking SN, right? (is that also true for the 48h regiment?)


And to conclude.. well. I would to have sex one last time. But i don't know how to find that Do you think tinder is a good option?


Thanks !!

 

[Jean4]

Here you go

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/stans-guide-to-sn.27535/

 

[Ark]

Best SN guide ever. Which is now in the resources link also. Spend some time reading everything there, it is a ton of invaluable info. Also, if you want anyway, mind sharing why your wanting to CTB and so quickly? If not that's ok of course.

 

[isam]

Haha yeah i know

But i mean, i don't know when i will recieve it. For example, if i have it tomorrow morning, can i start to take meto at this moment, 'till the evening? like, idk 1x10g at 10:00, 1x10g at 18:00 and one more 45mn before drinkng?

Xanax also acts quick, so if i take it 1 hour before i'm afraid to fall alseep too soon..

 

[Jean4]

Haha yeah i know

But i mean, i don't know when i will recieve it. For example, if i have it tomorrow morning, can i start to take meto at this moment, 'till the evening? like, idk 1x10g at 10:00, 1x10g at 18:00 and one more 45mn before drinkng?

Xanax also acts quick, so if i take it 1 hour before i'm afraid to fall alseep too soon..

Everything is in Stan's guide. :)

 

[isam]

Best SN guide ever. Which is now in the resources link also. Spend some time reading everything there, it is a ton of invaluable info. Also, if you want anyway, mind sharing why your wanting to CTB and so quickly? If not that's ok of course.

Yeah this guide is awesome. My questions are just details to be sure to not fail again.

I would like to tell my story but this is long and complicated as hell. it would be a book. All i know is that i always wished to die. I did my first attempt 1 year ago and failed like crap. It was already shit before, but it became worse. I'm exhausted of everything. Nothing suits to me. I have nobody. I know nothing else than pain. I can't enjoy anything without having a death shadow on it. I can't stop overthink.

I would like to go before Christmas, to not have to see my family one more time. Else, I will have to go there, and do like everything is fine in front of them. The other thing is that i have 2 weeks holidays for Christmas and NYE, wich mean nobody would notice i'm missing after a moment, as i am alone in my place. That's why I would like to do it during a week i work, like this my colleagues can notice i'm not here the day after, etc etc.
And I don't want to go to an other year.

 

[Jean4]

Everything is in the guide. It's the protocol Stan used on Saturday.

 

[Ark]

I am sorry for the pain you are experiencing. And I know how you feel, I had a date that got pushed back. I and many others here are always willing to talk. I hope you find peace no matter how you have to.

 

[TimeToBiteTheDust]

The Stan's SN Guide is the Holy Bible for the ones who choose dying by SN.

 

[realjunes]

Yeah this guide is awesome. My questions are just details to be sure to not fail again.

I would like to tell my story but this is long and complicated as hell. it would be a book. All i know is that i always wished to die. I did my first attempt 1 year ago and failed like crap. It was already shit before, but it became worse. I'm exhausted of everything. Nothing suits to me. I have nobody. I know nothing else than pain. I can't enjoy anything without having a death shadow on it. I can't stop overthink.

I would like to go before Christmas, to not have to see my family one more time. Else, I will have to go there, and do like everything is fine in front of them. The other thing is that i have 2 weeks holidays for Christmas and NYE, wich mean nobody would notice i'm missing after a moment, as i am alone in my place. That's why I would like to do it during a week i work, like this my colleagues can notice i'm not here the day after, etc etc.
And I don't want to go to an other year.

Isam,..
First, welcome to the forum, I see you joined us just today. You said you can't stop over-thinking, but I think it has paid off here, and I am impressed your with your thinking and the details of the plan you have in place, what with the timing through the holidays. If I thought I would have to go through holidays with the family I once had, I would do anything to avoid that too. There is an enormous amount of information as in Stan's guide, but also in the brains and experience of the more experienced members, so have at them, if you wish. In any case, we want what is best for you, and we are here for you,

Isam,..
First, welcome to the forum, I see you joined us just today. You said you can't stop over-thinking, but I think it has paid off here, and I am impressed your with your thinking and the details of the plan you have in place, what with the timing through the holidays. If I thought I would have to go through holidays with the family I once had, I would do anything to avoid that too. There is an enormous amount of information as in Stan's guide, but also in the brains and experience of the more experienced members, so have at them, if you wish. In any case, we want what is best for you, and we are here for you,

Oh, also Isam, I wish you felt you had time to write the book of your life. I am sure, since you are on this forum, that it would be fascinating, terrifying, sad, and poignant, and have many themes in common with many of our members. Would love to know whatever you feel like sharing, but if you don't "Just say no" because we can be all over things sometimes. LOL

 

[isam]

I am sorry for the pain you are experiencing. And I know how you feel, I had a date that got pushed back. I and many others here are always willing to talk. I hope you find peace no matter how you have to.

I would love to talk to all of you guys but i reached to point where i don't want to anymore. it would take me hours, it would be painfull af, and it wouldn't change anything anyways, as my decision is taken. This is just now a matter of time 'till i receive my SN.

If smth could really change my mind would be to find someone like all of you close to me. Someone I can see whenever i need it. Someone who could hug me when i need it. But this someone is just a dream.

 

[realjunes]

I would love to talk to all of you guys but i reached to point where i don't want to anymore. it would take me hours, it would be painfull af, and it wouldn't change anything anyways, as my decision is taken. This is just now a matter of time 'till i receive my SN.

If smth could really change my mind would be to find someone like all of you close to me. Someone I can see whenever i need it. Someone who could hug me when i need it. But this someone is just a dream.

 

[Ark]

I am sorry. If I could do that for you I would but I do not plan to be here much longer. I really do hope you find the peace you deserve very soon.

 

[realjunes]

I totally understand, sometimes talking is just to exhausting for some, and maybe just too depressing. What we can do is keep our ears and eyes open for you if you need anything, and I will be first to send you a virtual hug at a minimum. We are glad you are with us in any capacity.

 

[Dazedandconfused32]

Everything is in Stan's guide. :)

I miss Stan

 

[isam]

I totally understand, sometimes talking is just to exhausting for some, and maybe just too depressing. What we can do is keep our ears and eyes open for you if you need anything, and I will be first to send you a virtual hug at a minimum. We are glad you are with us in any capacity.

Yes. And i did it too many times now, with always the same result. People running away. I'm tired to try, to say the truth, to hide it. I understood well by many ways that the problem is me. I'm not for this world. That's why i have to disappear.

 

[Jean4]

I miss Stan

We all do.

 

[isam]

Well, I finally have my meto. But still no SN in the mailbox

The lady at the pharmacy told me that the metoclopramide can make feel sleepy, is that right? Because I saw nothing about that here


And while i'm waiting for it i'm fckn sick
I feel like everything is made to make suffer as long as possible I can't stand that anymore
I start to wonder if i ever will receive it
Or if life will also take that back from me to play with me more and more

 

[zherhk]

If things are unfixable talking with others about those issues is like cutting water flow with a knife.

 

[isam]

If things are unfixable talking with others about those issues is like cutting water flow with a knife.

It's not that this is unfixable, but i'm just tired. I tried too many times. Maybe i finally found here the best place here for it, but it's too late, I can't do that anymore. And as i said, what I need is a physically presence.

But what I can do is that.
I already wrote a while ago what happened to me in 2018, in big lines.
I can share it here.
But I don't want to talk about 2019. It's way too painful.
So if you want to :

"OK, let's go for my story.
In March last year, my ex boyfriend cheated on me after 7 years together. I broke up with him, but so hard.. We lived together, so I had to find a new place and a car, in only one week because of my job. But he were still on my mind, and I tried everything to have him back. During one month he never said yes or no because he was afraid to regret, to maybe one day come after me.. Few weeks later I had him on phone, may 10, and our conversation just destroyed me for real. I made a "burn-out", and I've been sent in sanity hospital, 3 weeks.
In there I met someone. He was here for suicide attempt. We get closer fast, really fast. Too fast. 33 years old, a wife, 3 kids... But we didn't care, we felt free. He broke up with his wife, stayed at my place 3 weeks in June, and went away to do some work for friends and family. During 4 months, all things went less good, he went away, came back with me.. And he definitely quit me, because he was still thinking about his wife, and felt guilty about his kids, to be with someone else.
2nd hammer strike.
I always had dark mind, and often thought about my suicide. This time I was in a very good way to do it. So, in October, I choose to do it the day of my birthday, 23. Everything was planned : 80 pills, 5 kind different. At midnight. A message were planned to arrive to friends and family 9 hours later, to let me time to die.
And I did it.
I woke up 4 days later at hospital, and my first words were "fuck it", for this huge fail. I don't know, even today, how I failed like that. As I woke up, they put me to the sanity hospital. Again. I remember almost nothing about the following week.
So now everyone is scared about me, if one day I'll do it again. And with my parents, they try to be closer but I don't know, I don't like it, that feel strange to me.
Some weeks after, in November, I saw on Facebook a picture, with few words like "please don't leave us, we need you"... My "summer guy" tried to suicide again, hanging himself. And succeed. I went to his funerals, saw his kids.. I went more deeper.
But it's not finished. At the same time of all of this, I had a job in a farm for ten months, March to January, the worst ever. Sometimes I worked 40 hours per week instead of 24, I had to work one time 19 days WITHOUT any rest (explode after 17), my boss were always saying awfull things about me, tons of physical work.. You cannot imagine. I had so many hours, I finished 7 weeks earlier. Seven FUCKING weeks.
This is the reasons of my second tattoo, to remember this year, for all the rest of my life. "

 

[Dazedandconfused32]

Well, I finally have my meto. But still no SN in the mailbox

The lady at the pharmacy told me that the metoclopramide can make feel sleepy, is that right? Because I saw nothing about that here


And while i'm waiting for it i'm fckn sick
I feel like everything is made to make suffer as long as possible I can't stand that anymore
I start to wonder if i ever will receive it
Or if life will also take that back from me to play with me more and more

I actually started my 48 regime yesterday. It does make you a little bit sleep. It nothing unmanageable. I went ahead and took Benadryl today with it to combat any possible EPS side effects and so far so good. I got a cold yesterday too.... :(. A sore throat of all things. And I'm CTB tmrw. So just the right timing for everything. Ugh. I wish you the best with your SN

 

[isam]

I actually started my 48 regime yesterday. It does make you a little bit sleep. It nothing unmanageable. I went ahead and took Benadryl today with it to combat any possible EPS side effects and so far so good. I got a cold yesterday too.... :(. A sore throat of all things. And I'm CTB tmrw. So just the right timing for everything. Ugh. I wish you the best with your SN

Hum that's interesting. So that + benzos can indeed help to let SN do its job without feel any bad effect.
And I also tell myself that the cold can be a good thing, as I don't have any taste anymore, so it could hide the SN one. But for that i need to have it while I'm still sick

I wish you the best with ctb. Be in peace. Maybe we'll meet on the Other side.

 

[Moonicide]

I'm glad SS was able to provide you with a comforting method of your choice.
I wish you nothing, but love and peace.

 

[isam]

I'm glad SS was able to provide you with a comforting method of your choice.
I wish you nothing, but love and peace.

Pff love is definetly not existing for me, after all what happened i know it now. But yeah, peace is what i need. Freedom. For good.