Venting My time is coming!

[WorthlessTrash]

Haven't posted much on the forum lately, because I feel my venting has gotten stale, but I guess I should say that it's looking like the end is near for me. I have my sn in hand and will hopefully catch the bus and cease to be sometime within the next 2 weeks. There is no way for me to live a happy life under these circumstances. The envy I feel when I see attractive women irl, TV, music videos, or even when women call each other "beautiful" is too much. Virtue signaling by calling me a girl or a woman all because I desire to be one doesn't change what my assigned sex is, realizing that any hobby I could have taken up, I could have done as an attractive cis woman weighs extremely heavily on it. Women who flaunt their sexuality and looks (not gonna lie, if I was an attractive woman, I would be prideful of my appearance too) just bother me. There is no escaping my triggers except suicide, which I am sure is the best course of action for me.

I'm not content living as a wage slave when I cannot be in the body I want. Also, if I was an attractive cis female, I would still CTB in my 40s, but at least being one, I would have been relatively happy in my young life and not dysphoric. Just coping so I can live a few more years doesn't seem worth it. We all die eventually anyways, and there's no benefit in growing extremely old and decrepid, especially when your entire young life has been nothing but misery.

A lot of people have and will continue to implore that I transition, take E, become a femboy etc, but no thank you. I have declined those unsolicited suggestions and will continue to do so until my last and final breath. I wanted to have been female right out of the gate, and since that did not happen, my suicide is my response to my terrible life circumstances. Over the next week or so, I should be working on my suicide note. My family needs to know that this could not have been prevented. I was dead the minute I was assigned the wrong sex. I'm just surprised I lasted this long, but even that was way too long.

I no longer have any romantic or sexual desire so even less of a reason to stick around. There is nothing that can make tolerating this dysphoria even remotely worth it. I cannot wait until I am at peace finally!

 

[jodes2]

Sorry you'll be leaving us, I hope you find peace

 

[temporary]

I've wanted to say hello before but didn't. I'm sorry transitioning isn't an option for you, I think I would've been too scared to if I hadn't when I was younger.
Even if I had all the money I could need for hormones and surgery, it's never gonna change that I was born in the wrong body and will never have grown up doing shit like running around with my shirt off or playing basketball with boys my age. Every experience I could ever imagine is ruined by the fact I won't be a cis guy. I wish at least my family would see that I'm unhappy living like this, binding every day and worrying about rib damage, wanting to cry as soon as I speak and never wanting to hear my own voice, feeling and being told I'm wrong, envying other guys to the point it's obsessive. I had to rewrite this once or twice cause I'd like to express understanding while giving some people an insight of part of what some people who are trans deal with without dumping my childhood trauma.
This isn't something we deal with for a year or two then get to be whatever we want, no one wants to live like this. Most people having a shitty view on trans people is just weight ontop of everything that makes us what we aren't.
I hope your bus journey is painless and you're free from this on the other side.

 

[makethepainstop]

Haven't posted much on the forum lately, because I feel my venting has gotten stale, but I guess I should say that it's looking like the end is near for me. I have my sn in hand and will hopefully catch the bus and cease to be sometime within the next 2 weeks. There is no way for me to live a happy life under these circumstances. The envy I feel when I see attractive women irl, TV, music videos, or even when women call each other "beautiful" is too much. Virtue signaling by calling me a girl or a woman all because I desire to be one doesn't change what my assigned sex is, realizing that any hobby I could have taken up, I could have done as an attractive cis woman weighs extremely heavily on it. Women who flaunt their sexuality and looks (not gonna lie, if I was an attractive woman, I would be prideful of my appearance too) just bother me. There is no escaping my triggers except suicide, which I am sure is the best course of action for me.

I'm not content living as a wage slave when I cannot be in the body I want. Also, if I was an attractive cis female, I would still CTB in my 40s, but at least being one, I would have been relatively happy in my young life and not dysphoric. Just coping so I can live a few more years doesn't seem worth it. We all die eventually anyways, and there's no benefit in growing extremely old and decrepid, especially when your entire young life has been nothing but misery.

A lot of people have and will continue to implore that I transition, take E, become a femboy etc, but no thank you. I have declined those unsolicited suggestions and will continue to do so until my last and final breath. I wanted to have been female right out of the gate, and since that did not happen, my suicide is my response to my terrible life circumstances. Over the next week or so, I should be working on my suicide note. My family needs to know that this could not have been prevented. I was dead the minute I was assigned the wrong sex. I'm just surprised I lasted this long, but even that was way too long.

I no longer have any romantic or sexual desire so even less of a reason to stick around. There is nothing that can make tolerating this dysphoria even remotely worth it. I cannot wait until I am at peace finally!

My problem is somewhat similar, I'm unhappy because I don't have greater size, muscles from hell, blond hair and blue eyes. I want to be even more masculine. I'm not big enough, and I didn't get those super cool,(to me), masculine traits, man fur,(furry arm pits, chest hair and a happy trail on my stomach). So like you I positively hate being me! Love to you and all here.

 

[FuneralCry]

I find the concept of life to be so horrifying, how people are forced into enduring lives that they have no control over what circumstances they are born into, it's all incredibly unfair. In my opinion, enduring a life that is just constant suffering could never be worth it, I mean some people may want to but the fact should be accepted that life is not for everyone. Old age sounds beyond awful to me and that is certainly one of the reasons as to why the option of ctb is necessary. I wish you freedom.

 

[leeloosnow]

thank you for talking abt ur dysphoria and struggles. things you said helped me to understand better things i thought i did, and hopefully be a little better person to others. i wish it weren't such a struggle. there were times, when i first met you that i didn't really know how to view things you said, but over the weeks i see a little more clearly that its just pain, and for that i'm sad for you, friend. i'll miss seein' ya but if i ctb similar time you better save me a seat lol. hugs.