Discussion My thoughts on how Autistic (and Neurodivergent) Children are treated

[Jorvak]

There is a channel i sometimes watch called "I'm Autistic, Now What?" and early in december last year they released this video titled STOP FORCING this Christmas Tradition on Autistic Kids

Her videos are very good and typically hit all the right points.My thoughts on this video, but also on the topic in general are as follows.

Forcing any kid, yet alone an autistic child to 'Be engaged' in something that interest the parent, but does not interest the child, is simply wrong to begin with. But it takes it to a whole new level of evil when the caretaker of a child decides to use that child's Neurodivergence, in this case autism, or any specific disability they possess, as a convenient scapegoat to blame for that child's disinterest in a holiday or event, is an inherently prejudiced and deeply disgusting attitude. It's fundamentally fallacious bigotry.

It's acknowledged in every society that Neurotypical people generally have a wide range of different personality types, even in specific cultures. People have to learn to respect each others differences and personality quirks. Whenever there is a personality conflict or a lack of common interest between two people, they either have to settle their differences or hang around different people.

However, when it comes to Autistic people, who tend to have very different and specific interest from the norm, they are not allowed to be 'different', because apparently if your difference is due to a significant enough difference in the wiring of the brain and has a label, like 'autism', then it can be turned into a convenient scapegoat by bigots. Why then is a kid not allowed to be different from their parents if they are neurodivergent, and develop their own unique interest, regardless of how much it means they are disinterested in holidays? Why is shyness or lack of interest deemed _more acceptable_ if its from a neurotypical child and the difference is granted acceptance and respect of theiur disinterest because its due to more common personality traits?

The reason for this double standard could not be simpler, it's due to parents or caretakers who have blatant prejudices against their own child, who then want to psychologically manipulate and abuse their child for having a personality and interest so radically different from their own and then turn the childs neurodivergence into an object of dehumanization and demonization. These disgusting parents strip away the individuality from their own child and turn their different wiring of the brain into a monster of stereotypes to be scapegoated so that they can act like pathetic 'victims' because their child has their own independent interest and way of seeing the world. To a bigoted parent, especially a narcissistic parent, a childs neurodivergence having a label applied to it becomes a convenient scapegoat to not respect the childs independent interest or personality and to always use it against them, to force the child to live by a much higher standard than other people, and minimize their own blame for refusing to understand and respect their childs personality and interest.

That about concludes my immediate thoughts. I thought i would share my thoughts here, because i imagine many people on this forum who are autistic, and also neurodivergent, have suffered greatly by having their autism or other neurodivergent condition become objectified with stereotypes, demonizations and having it consistently used to blame you or put the spotlight on you in particular, even if in reality you did nothing wrong or to warrant blame for having your own interest and your own way of percieving and analyzing the reality we live in. This would have no doubt caused many of us to effectively develop in such a way to become rejects of the profoundly prejudiced society we live in, unable to thrive, or make friends, due to being rejected for simply being different, even if that difference is not offensive or hostile in any way. The feeling of being chronically alone, rejected and unable to develop a purpose within society due to that sheer rejection, has certainly driven many autistic, and neurodivergent people in general to extreme depression and suicide.

The only thing i can offer when it comes to a solution in the immediate term, develop a purpose that best suits you. your purpose does not have to be tied to serving a prejudiced society, but can go to better aims. Even helping downtrodden people, many of whom could be 'rejects' as well, can in itself be a purpose you craft for yourself. The main reason this can be difficult for many people to grip with though, is due to years of conditioning that your life only has meaning relative to how much you participate in society. Life has no inherent meaning to begin with, it's what you make of it, so a society can't just shove what meaning it wants to impose upon your life. That is for us to decide according to our interest.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I think it may sometimes depend on what the person is interested in. If their interests are solitary, their parents or caregivers may be concerned that hiding themselves away from the world (which is understandable,) may only make it harder for them if they need to interact with it in the future. They may also worry that the isolation may induce things like depression.

I don't believe I have autism but I do struggle with social anxiety. I hated a lot of the things I was pushed to do as a child because it was seen as 'good for me'. Including big family get togethers over the holidays. Now that I'm middle aged, I get to do what I want. Which has meant isolating myself to the point that now, I'm willing to pass on career development opportunities because they would mean having to work around others again. So- were they right in the end? I don't know. I don't really see being isolated and disinterested in a lot of things as being core reasons I'm suicidal but- it also means there aren't really reasons for me to want to stay alive either. So, seeing as life is difficult, there's nothing really that makes me think it's diffucult but worth it.

Of course, I don't think you can force someone to be interested in something and, you shouldn't berate them if they're not interested. However, sometimes we avoid things without even knowing if we'll enjoy them. Maybe because we are pandering to our own fears eg. social anxiety. But, I can confirm from experience- that when we don't face these fears, they can fester to the point where they inhibit us from doing things we might actually want to do or sometimes- have to do. Go to college or work at some stage.

Also, while some parents may indeed be doing it maliciously, I think others are just massively concerned about how their child is going to survive in the world. They may see it as being cruel to be kind, forcing them to do more 'normal' things in the hopes they will start to enjoy them some day. Fit in with others and mostly- not be ostracized. Of course, it may well not work at all. It may well just lead to the child feeling even worse but, I don't think the intentions are always necessarily unkind.

 

[blackpillhopeless]

I feel this way even as an adult, my mother demands I visit her for Christmas but my autism makes this whole journey, changing my daily habits/diet and everything just to be there with her extremely difficult for me and ends up harming me a lot. This is an interesting channel, will check it out more later.