Venting My thoughts on giving up on your "dreams" + my frustration with being seen as "the art kid" my whole life

[Jon Arbuckle]

I might end up regretting posting this as it might be a bit revealing about my personal life. I just need to put my feelings down and see if I can hear a second opinion on this.

So, my previous choice in 'career' was artwork/animation. that was always what I saw myself doing as a child, I always liked drawing as a kid. But its slowly dawned on me that it is just not happening, for a lot of reasons

1. I simply do not have the sufficient skills to work in the animation field professionally. everyone in my family always insists that my art is "so amazing", and I don't doubt that they're not lying, but literally the only reason they like my art is because it is art that a family member drew. I guess I'd say I'm better at drawing than someone who doesn't draw at all, but that's about it, really. This lack of skill wouldn't be terribly demotivating if it weren't for the following point:
2. My skills have completely stagnated. I had a brief spurt of improvement when I was a teenager, and I have not improved AT ALL since I was 16, in fact I may have been a little better at drawing when I was 16. Every fucking time an artist tries to encourage other artists to 'never give up' they'll just be like "oh just keep practicing and you'll get better!!" but what the fuck are you supposed to do if you've been "practicing" for five years straight and still have not fucking improved?
3. I have zero creativity and have nothing new to offer. It dawned on me today that I have basically never had an original thought in my entire life. I've looked all the way back at my childhood and I've found nothing. every single project I was assigned in art class I just ripped off someone else or just did exactly what the teacher did, and whenever I've tried drawing for myself it's always just fandom shit and meaningless doodles. the most 'creative' ideas ive ever come up with amount to "what if this fictional character wore clothes they didn't usually wear?"
4. I just don't feel confident I'll be happy working in the field of animation. look anywhere online and you'll all see a bunch of pretentious california yuppies who only talk about how miserable it is to work in the field of animation.
What is especially frustrating about this recent disillusionment is that my entire family just sees me as "the artist" of the family. I feel like if I try to give up and move on to greener pastures, for the rest of my life there is going to be this constant hanging feeling of "she gave up on her dream :( she was so talented" that I can't see myself living with. So now I'm attending community college, wasting my poor parent's money on a worthless degree that I don't want, because it's what they want, because I'm so "talented." I don't know what I'm going to do after I graduate, and even though some people say "oh it's worth it just to exist and live" I think that's bullshit, not having a purpose as to what you want to do with your life is genuinely horrible and eats away at you. Would like to hear other's thoughts and if they've gone through similar experiences. thank you for reading me whine for 500 words through to the end.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I originate from a similar creative field to you. I work in a slightly different one now but, still freelance creative.

Honestly, I think it's reasonable to worry. It is extremely difficult and competetive. That doesn't mean you should give up though. At the moment, it seems like you're worrying about what might or might not happen- which is natural but, not helpful.

The only way you're truly going to know is to start approaching companies to see whether they like your style. Whether they have any work experience programmes. I don't think colleges and universities are always very good at supporting that side of it but, I think it's really important. Ask your tutors whether they know of any companies your style suits. The summer break is the obvious time to try and get work experience somewhere. To an extent, I think there is truth in the saying: 'It's not what you know, it's who you know.'

But, in terms of technical ability, all sorts of people get work. At all sorts of levels of ability. Sometimes, it's just that a certain style fits a certain thing. Think of how many different types of art there are.

I'm not sure whether concerns over lack of creativity will necessarily be a problem either. Obviously, there are Artists who create original characters and worlds. There are also teams of people who then draw those characters in those worlds. I imagine, to be able to do that, work as a team and all that is also important and needed.

It probably is realistic to be concerned (in truth) but, that's the same for anyone wanting to work in a creative job. But- you are right- that you won't know unless you try. I've had similar thoughts in the past. I'd wish I'd learned a practical trade that led to a stable job. I don't think I'd be happier though. In fact, I think that would have made me extremely unhappy. Unfortunately, I think people who have a drive to create tend to be miserable when they can't. I think it's a curse as much as a gift in a way. I wish you the very best of luck though. I'm happy to PM if you like also.