Venting My thoughts on giving up on your "dreams" + my frustration with being seen as "the art kid" my whole life

[Jon Arbuckle]

I might end up regretting posting this as it might be a bit revealing about my personal life. I just need to put my feelings down and see if I can hear a second opinion on this.

So, my previous choice in 'career' was artwork/animation. that was always what I saw myself doing as a child, I always liked drawing as a kid. But its slowly dawned on me that it is just not happening, for a lot of reasons

1. I simply do not have the sufficient skills to work in the animation field professionally. everyone in my family always insists that my art is "so amazing", and I don't doubt that they're not lying, but literally the only reason they like my art is because it is art that a family member drew. I guess I'd say I'm better at drawing than someone who doesn't draw at all, but that's about it, really. This lack of skill wouldn't be terribly demotivating if it weren't for the following point:
2. My skills have completely stagnated. I had a brief spurt of improvement when I was a teenager, and I have not improved AT ALL since I was 16, in fact I may have been a little better at drawing when I was 16. Every fucking time an artist tries to encourage other artists to 'never give up' they'll just be like "oh just keep practicing and you'll get better!!" but what the fuck are you supposed to do if you've been "practicing" for five years straight and still have not fucking improved?
3. I have zero creativity and have nothing new to offer. It dawned on me today that I have basically never had an original thought in my entire life. I've looked all the way back at my childhood and I've found nothing. every single project I was assigned in art class I just ripped off someone else or just did exactly what the teacher did, and whenever I've tried drawing for myself it's always just fandom shit and meaningless doodles. the most 'creative' ideas ive ever come up with amount to "what if this fictional character wore clothes they didn't usually wear?"
4. I just don't feel confident I'll be happy working in the field of animation. look anywhere online and you'll all see a bunch of pretentious california yuppies who only talk about how miserable it is to work in the field of animation.
What is especially frustrating about this recent disillusionment is that my entire family just sees me as "the artist" of the family. I feel like if I try to give up and move on to greener pastures, for the rest of my life there is going to be this constant hanging feeling of "she gave up on her dream :( she was so talented" that I can't see myself living with. So now I'm attending community college, wasting my poor parent's money on a worthless degree that I don't want, because it's what they want, because I'm so "talented." I don't know what I'm going to do after I graduate, and even though some people say "oh it's worth it just to exist and live" I think that's bullshit, not having a purpose as to what you want to do with your life is genuinely horrible and eats away at you. Would like to hear other's thoughts and if they've gone through similar experiences. thank you for reading me whine for 500 words through to the end.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I originate from a similar creative field to you. I work in a slightly different one now but, still freelance creative.

Honestly, I think it's reasonable to worry. It is extremely difficult and competetive. That doesn't mean you should give up though. At the moment, it seems like you're worrying about what might or might not happen- which is natural but, not helpful.

The only way you're truly going to know is to start approaching companies to see whether they like your style. Whether they have any work experience programmes. I don't think colleges and universities are always very good at supporting that side of it but, I think it's really important. Ask your tutors whether they know of any companies your style suits. The summer break is the obvious time to try and get work experience somewhere. To an extent, I think there is truth in the saying: 'It's not what you know, it's who you know.'

But, in terms of technical ability, all sorts of people get work. At all sorts of levels of ability. Sometimes, it's just that a certain style fits a certain thing. Think of how many different types of art there are.

I'm not sure whether concerns over lack of creativity will necessarily be a problem either. Obviously, there are Artists who create original characters and worlds. There are also teams of people who then draw those characters in those worlds. I imagine, to be able to do that, work as a team and all that is also important and needed.

It probably is realistic to be concerned (in truth) but, that's the same for anyone wanting to work in a creative job. But- you are right- that you won't know unless you try. I've had similar thoughts in the past. I'd wish I'd learned a practical trade that led to a stable job. I don't think I'd be happier though. In fact, I think that would have made me extremely unhappy. Unfortunately, I think people who have a drive to create tend to be miserable when they can't. I think it's a curse as much as a gift in a way. I wish you the very best of luck though. I'm happy to PM if you like also.

 

[Jon Arbuckle]

The only way you're truly going to know is to start approaching companies to see whether they like your style. Whether they have any work experience programmes. I don't think colleges and universities are always very good at supporting that side of it but, I think it's really important. Ask your tutors whether they know of any companies your style suits. The summer break is the obvious time to try and get work experience somewhere. To an extent, I think there is truth in the saying: 'It's not what you know, it's who you know.'

To be honest this is more discouraging than anything and something ive been pretty disillusioned with, this idea that you have to make and have connections in order to go anywhere in creative/entertainment fields and that your actual talent doesn't even matter, only your connections.
I've always had a tremendously hard time making friends/getting along with people because of my horrendous personality, It seriously feels like pulling teeth, so I know "making connections" is just gonna be horrendously difficult for me.

One specific fucking case that has made me completely lose hope is Kyle carrozza. a fucking pedophile with 600 images of cp who willingly let people suck up to him because hed lie about being able to get others a job in animation. I don't want to have to suck up to a bunch of talentless sex pests and child molesters just to "make it" in the industry. I would genuinely rather just take a fucking office job or whatever.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

2. My skills have completely stagnated. I had a brief spurt of improvement when I was a teenager, and I have not improved AT ALL since I was 16, in fact I may have been a little better at drawing when I was 16. Every fucking time an artist tries to encourage other artists to 'never give up' they'll just be like "oh just keep practicing and you'll get better!!" but what the fuck are you supposed to do if you've been "practicing" for five years straight and still have not fucking improved?

From what I've heard, this is pretty common. Usually, you start off noticing huge improvements in your skills but at some point, you start to notice little to no improvement. I've also gone through this before and am currently going through it now. I haven't noticed much improvement in my art for years.

3. I have zero creativity and have nothing new to offer. It dawned on me today that I have basically never had an original thought in my entire life. I've looked all the way back at my childhood and I've found nothing. every single project I was assigned in art class I just ripped off someone else or just did exactly what the teacher did, and whenever I've tried drawing for myself it's always just fandom shit and meaningless doodles. the most 'creative' ideas ive ever come up with amount to "what if this fictional character wore clothes they didn't usually wear?"

Ha, I have the same issue. My drawings are usually strongly based on shit I find online, especially on Pinterest. I rarely have any original ideas when it comes to my drawings. I also have trouble with drawing from my imagination, so I have to rely heavily on images to work off of. Sometimes I'll add slightly different details but that's about it.


Maybe you could look into becoming an art teacher instead?

 

[Forever Sleep]

To be honest this is more discouraging than anything and something ive been pretty disillusioned with, this idea that you have to make and have connections in order to go anywhere in creative/entertainment fields and that your actual talent doesn't even matter, only your connections.
I've always had a tremendously hard time making friends/getting along with people because of my horrendous personality, It seriously feels like pulling teeth, so I know "making connections" is just gonna be horrendously difficult for me.

One specific fucking case that has made me completely lose hope is Kyle carrozza. a fucking pedophile with 600 images of cp who willingly let people suck up to him because hed lie about being able to get others a job in animation. I don't want to have to suck up to a bunch of talentless sex pests and child molesters just to "make it" in the industry. I would genuinely rather just take a fucking office job or whatever.

Yeah, I sympathise. I struggle with social anxiety I would say so, it was no picnic for me. It probably is good to have lots of connections but, I haven't worked enough on that side of it.

Obviously- it's like anything else though. You likely will have to seek out work at some stage. Apply to companies etc. Either in animation or, office work. Either way- sadly, we'll be applying to people. I hate it too. I also prefer to work alone so- I suppose you could aim for freelance work from the start.

We actually did have 'careers advice' at one point. They started with a fairly obvious question- 'Do people know you exist?' Obviously- they won't even consider employing you if they've never seen your work.

I guess I've known of some people who wormed their way in to things via their connections. I'm not sure they can last as long in a job though- if they can't do it to an acceptable standard.

 

[KuriGohan&Kamehameha]

Is there any way you can get some more education on the side as a back up plan if you want a break from art from a little while? I know that's not always a choice, but if it's available to you I think it can be a good way to avoid burning out and losing your passion for creating.

Off the top of my head, I know there are a great deal of stale, for lack of a better word, corporate design jobs floating around out there, where you'd usually be given direction by other people in the office on what they want you to create rather than being expected to come up with it all on your own. I imagine animation skills are a bonus in that respect too, as a lot people who specialize in graphics designs and illustration may not necessarily be trained in animation. If you just want to save up money while figuring out what to do next, it might be worth trying for one of these jobs even though they are pretty competitive.

When it comes to feeling like you've betrayed your dream and the expectations of others, I can definitely relate. Not being able to identify a purpose for yourself or know if what was your dream has become a nightmare is an awful sort of emptiness. I really hate you're going through it.

While I pursued STEM over a creative or humanities field, I have never been good in any of the subjects. It was imposed on me from an early age that I had to do something STEM related as a career, and make money. Now, I do genuinely love learning about science and medicine, but my skills in these disciplines are abysmal. And I've tried for years, gotten a degree, tried to train in labs only to constantly make mistakes and mess up, time after time again and not be at the level that I needed to be.

There were really high expectations placed on my shoulders and when I couldn't fulfill them I truly lost everything. The worst part is knowing you can have drive and passion, but for whatever reasons the accompanying skills just don't emerge. Ever since I graduated university I have felt so lost. You're not alone with this.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

My experience with dropping my dreams for the animation field is nearly identical to yours though they likely happened far earlier in the past.

All my life from when I was five years old I was always encouraged and praised for even attempting to draw. I had teachers who saw me doodling instead of paying attention to the material and they assumed this must have meant I was some kind of art genius. This kind of talk really excited me because the shows I enjoyed were all animated and I wanted so very much to be a part of this field myself. As I grew older I thought surely I must have so many unique things to tell the world if I was given my own chance to make my own shows.

Fast forward to 18 years old. I'm attending a Public university that has a prestigious animation program. A crippling realization dawns on me: I can't draw. At least not to the degree that actual artists can. Illustrating for animation requires so much skill and patience that I just don't have. Eventually I dropped out of the major. I lost my sanity one day realizing I was rushing to draw for an assignment and I realized that no matter what I'm doing, I'm going to hate it if I'm required to do it. I would also never be able to catch up to my peers. I was one of the worst drawers in my entire class in every class. I too also felt very little solidarity in the culture other artists typically had. Socializing has never been my strong suit but it seemed even more difficult to do with people who were far superior to me in the one thing I wanted to do.

I took a few years off college altogether then eventually got a Business degree. It was pretty easy but ultimately didn't lead to me getting a good job so it's utter BS. I'm 30 now and not sure if this was the right decision for me but it certainly saved me the most school-related stress. When I was starting out in animation there was only one student who was worse at drawing than me. Unlike me though he was able to work his ass off and now has a career. He even married someone who was also in the same program as us. I'm pretty sure he even worked on some more recent Pixar movies. If I had any advice it would be to try to stick with it unless you can find anything else that makes you happy. If not, I guess trying to go for a stable office job might be better so you could at least enjoy the time outside of work. Sorry if that advice is really shitty and unhelpful though.

 

[particularrodent]

i have so much to say about this (in agreement and personal experience/feelings) but i do Not have the energy right now but i want to let you know i see you and i understand you. feel free to send a pm whenever if you'd like to talk about this (even though i do not have anything particularly positive to say about it, just fellow feelings). i also have a post that goes into a bit more detail than this that i aired on another thread if you want to search for it

just. The.. UUUUGGHHHHHHHHHHHHUIUHUHHHH i hate art (translation: i love art and wish there was a space for me and i could participate and express my feelings and ideas)