My suicide note/letter is 9,000 words

[Rhizomorph1]

And I haven't even finished writing it...

Just wanted to share because I've put a lot of work into it

Nothing better to do while I await my SN's glorious arrival...

I plan to upload it to archive.org and use a FutureMe message to send it out to all my friends, family, colleagues, and anyone else to wants to read it after I die. If there's a way I can share it on here without risking doxxing myself in the event of ctb failure I will do so.

 

[lebrodude]

That's a lengthy note.

Don't think I'd come anywhere close when the time comes to compose mine, you must have had a lot to say !

 

[Ducksauce6]

I've wrote like twenty ...,3 page notes... Looking back on them now they literally are stained.w.tears etc. That helps no one ... I'm going to CTB and not leave a note.... Gunna send a.few.vauge texts then turn off and bury my.phone before I CTB .... I'm kinda using Facebook rn.... To paint a false...really happy picture of me..... I don't want anyone to feel this way .....I'm putting.photos and good memories of me.so.people will try to remember me...and.usimg.fb as a.time.cspsule.

 

[voyager]

And I haven't even finished writing it...

Just wanted to share because I've put a lot of work into it

Nothing better to do while I await my SN's glorious arrival...

I plan to upload it to archive.org and use a FutureMe message to send it out to all my friends, family, colleagues, and anyone else to wants to read it after I die. If there's a way I can share it on here without risking doxxing myself in the event of ctb failure I will do so.

That's a lot of effort. Always go back and forth on length, sometimes even on writing one at all. But what you suggest about linking it on archive, sending it out to people you know and this forum is the most likely way of getting people to focus their anger on here again, because a simple search of the sentences will put it all together.

Don't get me wrong, we shouldn't have to hide and we have every right to be heard, but it's a thing to consider before posting.

 

[Archness]

Maybe set up a timed post here to the link of that note, a long time after that attempt, 3 months, 6 months, 1 year? If you can't cancel it in that time you'd likely be dead, veggie, or otherwise probably won't be effected even if DOXed.

Honestly 9,000 words isn't too much. Any ct notes I would write would be like 1-4 pages long and prob still be a very reduced tl;dr version. A proper "comprehensive" suicide note would be a whole suicide book, including citations to whatever media contributed to my thoughts on the matter.

I find making a singular and comprehensive work just for my suicidallity is alot of effort, hard and painful, and probably not worth it given I'll be fucking dead. That basic rundown of a note should be enough, with whatever I did as "Archness".

It's alot easier having a seperate identity just for being suicidal. Creating it over time, as I continue onwards, building on this gravemarker naturally as I move forward to the choice. A note won't even be needed, with my exsistance as Archness being recorded, that's enough for me to be content with.

 

[Rhizomorph1]

what you suggest about linking it on archive, sending it out to people you know and this forum is the most likely way of getting people to focus their anger on here again, because a simple search of the sentences will put it all together.

Don't get me wrong, we shouldn't have to hide and we have every right to be heard, but it's a thing to consider before posting.

Hmmm, this is a good point... I've made ti fairly clear in my letter that my death was an active, autonomous, & individual decision I made on my own terms but I suppose others may not see it the same way.

I'm going to consider not connecting the letter to this site in that case. Albeit I'm sure whoever goes through my devices post-ctb will find my account activity regardless.

 

[voyager]

Hmmm, this is a good point... I've made ti fairly clear in my letter that my death was an active, autonomous, & individual decision I made on my own terms but I suppose others may not see it the same way.

I'm going to consider not connecting the letter to this site in that case. Albeit I'm sure whoever goes through my devices post-ctb will find my account activity regardless.

Depends on the people you know of course and how they might react. Only you can judge that. Am sure you made your reasons clear and anyone here would understand, but then again, so did Callie and a lot of others. The documentary on Callie Lewis "life" for instance simply omitted her well reasoned and eloquent suicide letter on why she took her life. Am not even sure they'd respect one's wishes not to be used as a statistic at this point. It's ridiculous.

But as mentioned, we shouldn't have to hide and be heard. Do whatever you feel comfortable with.

 

[iDontKnowWhat]

When you finish your suicide note, please, share it with us

I wrote 3 very short letters. The first talking about why I did it, the second asking my parents not to blame each other and the third exempting my psychologist and psychiatrist from any blame.

 

[KillerIsMe]

Don't be a Rodge.

 

[Rhizomorph1]

Don't be a Rodge.

?

 

[KillerIsMe]

?

Elliot Rodger

 

[Rhizomorph1]

Elliot Rodger

Googled him. Guy seemed to have some serious cognitive distortions and was probably narcissistic. A shame :(

Rest assured my letter is in good faith. It mostly just details some things I want family/friends to know, some evidence-based recommendations on how we can avoid reproducing debilitating mental health problems such as my own in the next generation, and my perspective on some existential, philosophical, moral, and spiritual questions.

It's also got some poetry and music I wrote scattered throughout :D

 

[passivethought121]

Your note sounds very pleasing. Mine was about 2.5k, in present tense, and oddly worded. I also find the futureme post really smart.

 

[Rhizomorph1]

Your note sounds very pleasing. Mine was about 2.5k, in present tense, and oddly worded. I also find the futureme post really smart.

I'm intrigued. If anyone wants to share their notes to satisfy my curiosity or for feedback let me know. I'd also love feedback on my note.

We would need to ensure they were thoroughly de-identify prior so we don't dox ourselves of course!

 

[oneeyed]

I don't mean this with any disrespect, just as a joke to being a smile to you but...
I hope you site your sources in your bibliography in mla style and include a table of contents.

 

[Rhizomorph1]

I don't mean this with any disrespect, just as a joke to being a smile to you but...
I hope you site your sources in your bibliography in mla style and include a table of contents.

Teehee, I haven't been citing my sources but maybe I should o.o

I've make a few quotes from some prominent authors but I should add at least a few citations to at least show for the fact that my thoughts are not just an isolated think tank

Also I would way sooner cite in APA than MLA... I'd kill myself before I had to use MLA ;)

This forum is way too ripe for suicide jokes

 

[Rhizomorph1]

16,000 words and counting now (36 pages)...

Pretty sure by the time it's finished it will have around 20,000 words.

It could be a short book lmao.

Hope y'all enjoy it once it is released. I've decided I will share it on here as transparency and authenticity are values I discuss at length in it; I think it's important that people are able to read it if it's going to have any impact on others - my hope/intention of writing the letter is to reduce suffering for those who come after me.

There's also really no way it won't get connected to this site given the abundance of data on my computer, the content of the note, etc. etc. which will likely be thoroughly examined by family after I ctb.

 

[MeowTheFlemishCat]

Googled him. Guy seemed to have some serious cognitive distortions and was probably narcissistic. A shame :(

Rest assured my letter is in good faith. It mostly just details some things I want family/friends to know, some evidence-based recommendations on how we can avoid reproducing debilitating mental health problems such as my own in the next generation, and my perspective on some existential, philosophical, moral, and spiritual questions.

It's also got some poetry and music I wrote scattered throughout :D

"evidence-based recommendations avoid reproducing debilitating mental health problems such as my own" ... like?

 

[Rhizomorph1]

"evidence-based recommendations avoid reproducing debilitating mental health problems such as my own" ... like?

Youth-focused education that teaches youth about trauma, adverse childhood experiences, etc. so they can self-advocate within abusive or otherwise insecure families.

A mental health curriculum that incorporates psychoeducation for both children and caregivers alike.

A lot more honest and transparent education essentially. People like to politicize it and say "don't teach my kids that stuff" because it goes against their personal cultures, but I argue it shouldn't matter when we have research in psychology showing who and what is harmful by which types of cultures/values.

We can't ethically tell poorly-adjusted adults to abandon their cultures, but we can certainly start educating children to question the problem cultures they are raised in.

It won't solve everything, but it's miles further than the current education children mostly just receive from unmediated exposure to their friends and family doing fucked up shit without context.

It would also help for early identification and prevention of mental illness production among high-risk youth by having psychoeducators periodically engaging with kids, rather than just an on-site counselor that deals with symptoms post-traumatization

 

[Worndown]

Wow. That is more manifesto than note. Finish writing it. When done, write a note. Consider it a cover letter. One page. Hit the high and low points. Explain why. If needed, the larger document can support your statements. If you want it to be read and understood, make it usable for them. Don't hope they read the entire thing and get the point.
Best wishes.

 

[lunchbox]

Whatever you decide to share with us, I would love to read it! I think it would make a nice keepsake for those whom it is intended for.

Try make sure it stays personable and doesn't give off any manifesto vibes!

 

[UKscotty]

I doubt anyone will read all that, it might be worth making it more concise.

More than a couple of paragraphs and people will start to zone out.
I doubt anyone will read all that, it might be worth making it more concise.

More than a couple of paragraphs and people will start to zone out.

 

[kilowatt]

I haven't actually put together a final note yet, but I'm about to this week. I didn't keep track of the amount of words but there's well over 50 pages in my phone's notes app regarding what I want to say. Tho I consider it's better if I don't make it very lengthy.

 

[Orange Cat]

Your note sounds interesting. It reminds me of Mitchell Heismann's suicide note. He spent 5 years writing a 19,000 word suicide note before shooting himself. His note was later published as an online book.

 

[Rhizomorph1]

Wow. That is more manifesto than note. Finish writing it. When done, write a note. Consider it a cover letter. One page. Hit the high and low points. Explain why. If needed, the larger document can support your statements. If you want it to be read and understood, make it usable for them. Don't hope they read the entire thing and get the point.
Best wishes.

Hmmm this is a good idea actually. I will definitely try to make a cover letter for it.

Thanks for the tip!

Whatever you decide to share with us, I would love to read it! I think it would make a nice keepsake for those whom it is intended for.

Try make sure it stays personable and doesn't give off any manifesto vibes!

It has personable sections

And manifesto sections

I'm okay with both lol