Venting my stupid idea

[exhausted froggy]

i have $10 so buying most things is not an option for me rn. but i'm really desperate to speed this process up, and i'm not too afraid of moderate pain...

if i had extra money, i would buy SN without the drug that's not OTC, and hopefully that'd be good enough to kill me; but i don't have enough for that.

instead, i'm thinking of taking all my antidepressants and whatever else is in the medicine cabinet, and then getting hit by a train. i'm pretty sure this is a very idiotic attempt, but it's nowhere near as bad as saying i want to die and never succeeding at all.
at least i'd permanently damage myself.

 

[Stan]

Stay with the title of the thread. Horrible to involve someone else in your suicide - the train driver

 

[Castles]

I tried the train, its a lot harder than it sounds. That jump is not easy. Trust me i spent over twelve hours telling myself "the next one is the one"

 

[k75]

Why on earth do you want to permanently damage yourself?? Ask yourself, do you really want to live with the consequences of a disastrous attempt? Will that make your existence better somehow?

I just don't think this is a good plan at all. Please spend a little time reading the resources and do some research. There are better ways that are cheap or free. This kind of thing really is not something you want to rush or cut corners on.

 

[exhausted froggy]

Stay with the title of the thread. Horrible to involve someone else in your suicide - the train driver

i'm struggling to care at this point. i didn't ask to be born but i'm expected to live. i don't want to live---now i'm expected to want to help myself. i don't want to help myself, now i'm completely on my own.

Why on earth do you want to permanently damage yourself?? Ask yourself, do you really want to live with the consequences of a disastrous attempt? Will that make your existence better somehow?

I just don't think this is a good plan at all. Please spend a little time reading the resources and do some research. There are better ways that are cheap or free. This kind of thing really is not something you want to rush or cut corners on.

i certainly haven't rushed it.
the reason i want to do something permanently damaging is because my attempts up to this point have given me no kind of success.
i'm completely done with trying to suppress my neck, it just isn't working.
when it comes to methods that don't require money, i don't have a lot of options.
and i'm tired of considering consequences and stuff...i'm feeling impulsive and i know i'm an idiot. but i can't stand this anymore

edit: to clarify, i mean "i haven't rushed it" because i've said i was gonna kill myself for years now. i know i'm rushing it right now...

 

[k75]

and i'm tired of considering consequences and stuff...i'm feeling impulsive and i know i'm an idiot. but i can't stand this anymore

I'm sorry, but this is the definition of rushing it.

 

[exhausted froggy]

I'm sorry, but this is the definition of rushing it.

i don't know if i made it sound that way or not, but i'm not trying to sound like the reasonable one; i know i'm not

 

[k75]

Ultimately, it's your choice, but I really think you need to give it a little more time and thought. From an outside perspective, it's just never going to end well.

 

[Stan]

I would give yourself a gift right now. That gift would be time. Use this forum to either help you through this moment or to look at better options for you.

 

[blackflag1]

You must end it in a way that you won't survive and won't be a vegetable. Do it the right way and you are clinically dead at the ER. Most families we not push to keep you alive at all costs when they are told brain damaged is the only outcome. Think your method through.

BTW, your idea is not stupid, better that you present it and find out ways for it to succeed.

 

[drake4871]

I mean it could work, but personally i'd avoid scarring other people because then you're making them feel the same way you do (Train suicides are traumatic). There are better ways if you look through "https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/list-of-resources.3/" (list of resources). As easy as it sounds now, the SI will kick in (not saying you're weak)

 

[ArtsyDrawer]

Two issues with this idea:
1) your medical cabinet is not an antiemetic. It probably will indeed produce something volatile, yes, but it will also make you vomit.

2) you will scar train guy. My first idea was to jump on a train, but that didn't work out because there are no good hiding spots near the tracks, and then I read about a lot of train guys traumatized by people jumping under the train. At least one committed suicide afterwards.

Tldr: you're very unlikely to succeed. You're going to produce an unknown substance with unknown properties, and if you actually manage to keep it in long enough, you're going to hurt someone else. Hard.

I know you're in a fucked up place, man, but please give yourself some time. You can always catch the next bus.

 

[Ruffian]

Yeah, the train thing is real; you'd have to be a complete psychopath to not feel something. I think some sensitive passengers might be bothered, unless it's New York City. Where my friend explained you jyst get annoyed someone's messing your day up.

 

[Stan]

You must end it in a way that you won't survive and won't be a vegetable. Do it the right way and you are clinically dead at the ER. Most families we not push to keep you alive at all costs when they are told brain damaged is the only outcome. Think your method through.

BTW, your idea is not stupid, better that you present it and find out ways for it to succeed.

So you are condoning jumping in front of a train as a good method to cbt?

 

[blackflag1]

No I am not. Less traumatic methods are available to do it. Thanks for clarifying though.
Contrary to popular belief, trains can stop faster than what alot of people believe. They can turn into a way to be apprehended and sent to a psych ward in the US.

 

[BPD_LE]

Yeah, the train thing is real; you'd have to be a complete psychopath to not feel something.

Disagree. Someone can be so desperate and distressed that their cognitive function is impaired.

 

[Stan]

Disagree. Someone can be so desperate and distressed that their cognitive function is impaired.

I think he meant the train driver

 

[BPD_LE]

I think he meant the train driver

Ahhh apologies @Ruffian. I haven't woken up yet.

 

[Stan]

Contrary to popular belief, trains can stop faster than what alot of people believe. They can turn into a way to be apprehended and sent to a psych ward in the US.

Stand in front of an express train travelling at over 100mph and weighing 3,000 tonnes if you believe that statement

 

[blackflag1]

They generally travel much slower than that here (cargo trains). Do that with a passenger train and you are dead.

 

[ArtsyDrawer]

Stand in front of an express train travelling at over 100mph and weighing 3,000 tonnes if you believe that statement

Mate, he said "faster than what a lot of people believe", not "at a drop of a hat". The monster you're talking about will stop in about 500 meters if it slams the breaks. Assuming I'm picturing 500 meters properly. It's probably twice the length of what I'm picturing.
To quote George Carlin, "Take the average human, and then realize most people are about half as smart."
Most people will see a dot in the distance, recognize it as a train, and then take their sweet time making themselves comfy on the tracks. And then they promptly bail about half a minute in. What you're describing is a cargo train doing transport train speeds. That's not going to happen. That WOULD turn you into hamburger meat, yes, but only in some futuristic world where that actually happens. Then again, I'm probably also picturing 100mph wrong.

 

[dmsdnd18]

I feel like every time i see a news story that someone walked in front of a train they died instantly. Unfortunately it would be traumatic for any witnesses

 

[Skathon]

getting hit by a train

...which would be rather painful. The "train method" is actually a form of decapitation, not... mutilation/dismemberment(?).

 

[Sweet emotion]

Why on earth do you want to permanently damage yourself?? Ask yourself, do you really want to live with the consequences of a disastrous attempt? Will that make your existence better somehow?

I just don't think this is a good plan at all. Please spend a little time reading the resources and do some research. There are better ways that are cheap or free. This kind of thing really is not something you want to rush or cut corners on.

My thoughts exactly.
I have a commuter train right across the street from my house. Don't think I haven't thought about just lying on those train tracks and being just torn to pieces. I can't imagine the force that thing packs behind it. And it runs throughout the night to so no one would see me there. But you don't want to do something that would put you in a worse situation. That I don't understand. If you're miserable and you're physically healthy and have no limitations why would you want to? I'm physically sick and let me tell you it's beyond awful. You don't want pain for the rest of your life. I have constant pain and it's not ordinary pain. It's the highest ranking pain condition in medical history called Complex Regional Pain Syndrome. Please don't do anything to yourself that would make you worse. Don't rush into anything. I'm not saying don't CTB but I wouldn't want you to be suffering.

 

[Ruffian]

Ahhh apologies @Ruffian. I haven't woken up yet.

No problem. No ones on their best behavior here. Plus I have BPD and Bipolar, I get the impulsivity. Sometimes I get overwhelmed with the urge to take my own life. It's almost like all my thoughts that are racing turn in on me at once, especially after a mania.

 

[Can'tStandAnymore]

Your idea is not stupid, nagatoro.

But I would rather choose some antipsychotics instead. SSRI overdose will put you on serotonin syndrome, which is very horrible.

 

[Ruffian]

Your idea is not stupid, nagatoro.

But I would rather choose some antipsychotics instead. SSRI overdose will put you on serotonin syndrome, which is very horrible.

Ew. Antipsychotics are hard to OD on and aren't pleasant.

 

[Can'tStandAnymore]

Ew. Antipsychotics are hard to OD on and aren't pleasant.

Yea, I mean, take some antipsychotic to blunt stress response, not OD on it.
Train will kill you anyways. At least if you give up, you won't be have to deal with serotonin syndrome.

 

[Ruffian]

Yea, I mean, take some antipsychotic to blunt stress response, not OD on it.
Train will kill you anyways. At least if you give up, you won't be have to deal with serotonin syndrome.

Did you ever get that? I can't believe I never did.

 

[Can'tStandAnymore]

Did you ever get that?

Serotonin syndrome? No. I have never taken that much SSRI. Actually half a dose of fluoxetine was enough to fuck me up. It disturbed the balance at my adrenals, neurotransmitter receptors, etc.