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dreamcatcher90
Member
- Aug 3, 2024
- 91
Hi lovely people,
hoping that your day is better than mine.
I just wanted to share my story so people get to know me and trust me more. Would be nice to unlock the personal messaging feature.
I am 34 years old female and consider myself lucky, my life was interesting and full of adventures.
I work in IT and used to travel a lot, lived in different countries. Once had a long relationship, some short term romantic flings.
Unfortunately, I have a history with recreational drugs and probably that is why I have been diagnosed with chronic mental illness - schizoaffective disorder. Some days are better, some days are worse. Sometimes I get very intense psychotic episodes and have to be closed off in a psych ward.
My life is in ruins since then. No partner, no friends. My career is ending and probably soon I will have to start working in a factory or similar. I live alone, most of the days I try to game or similar to distract my brain.
Due to medication, I gained 10kg, and my hair is falling out. I became ugly.
Each morning I wake up with panic and anxiety attacks. I wish I never experimented with recreational drugs. Maybe my life would be normal and happy now.
My father is an aggressive alcoholic, my mom has her own problems and disabilities too.
It is very difficult to admit that my life has no future left. I used to be positive and was trying my best to succeed. But now it's just over.
I am researching suicide methods daily. That's the only thing that gives me hope and reduces my anxiety. It feels nice to know that there are options to end the suffering, even though these methods aren't simple or easily accessible.
Sorry for the long post.
hoping that your day is better than mine.
I just wanted to share my story so people get to know me and trust me more. Would be nice to unlock the personal messaging feature.
I am 34 years old female and consider myself lucky, my life was interesting and full of adventures.
I work in IT and used to travel a lot, lived in different countries. Once had a long relationship, some short term romantic flings.
Unfortunately, I have a history with recreational drugs and probably that is why I have been diagnosed with chronic mental illness - schizoaffective disorder. Some days are better, some days are worse. Sometimes I get very intense psychotic episodes and have to be closed off in a psych ward.
My life is in ruins since then. No partner, no friends. My career is ending and probably soon I will have to start working in a factory or similar. I live alone, most of the days I try to game or similar to distract my brain.
Due to medication, I gained 10kg, and my hair is falling out. I became ugly.
Each morning I wake up with panic and anxiety attacks. I wish I never experimented with recreational drugs. Maybe my life would be normal and happy now.
My father is an aggressive alcoholic, my mom has her own problems and disabilities too.
It is very difficult to admit that my life has no future left. I used to be positive and was trying my best to succeed. But now it's just over.
I am researching suicide methods daily. That's the only thing that gives me hope and reduces my anxiety. It feels nice to know that there are options to end the suffering, even though these methods aren't simple or easily accessible.
Sorry for the long post.