I'm in Vancouver and living with horrible incurable genetic issues. It's been a terrible decade or 11 years from 18 until now—I'm 29. I was bedbound for a while from an autoimmune like illness during these terrible years. I tried tons of treatments for all my problems over the years and only the autoimmune issues stabilized a bit. No treatments made a difference for the problems I mention below.
I can't feel anything my whole life (pleasure, etc), have no typical human desires (money, status, fame, possessions, etc), I'm asexual, and I have a total inability to visualize in my mind (aphantasia). I feel like an awareness or observer just watching a movie play out in front of me my whole life that I'm not even in, like a ghost in a body. I kind of wish I had someone to exit this Earth with because I'm not sure I'll find the courage to leave alone.
Despite all my suffering, I have a very strong survival instinct so I'm still here, and if I'm exiting on my own terms the only way it will happen is painlessly, but it seems the painless methods are very hard if not impossible to access. The other part of the reason I'm still here is my fear of not knowing how the universe works like if my soul continues on or I reincarnate or just merge with the universe and disappear. I might not be able to hang on much longer so I'm trying to figure out if any painless methods are accessible to me. I just wish I knew how this universe works. I'm exhausted.
I can't feel anything my whole life (pleasure, etc), have no typical human desires (money, status, fame, possessions, etc), I'm asexual, and I have a total inability to visualize in my mind (aphantasia). I feel like an awareness or observer just watching a movie play out in front of me my whole life that I'm not even in, like a ghost in a body. I kind of wish I had someone to exit this Earth with because I'm not sure I'll find the courage to leave alone.
Despite all my suffering, I have a very strong survival instinct so I'm still here, and if I'm exiting on my own terms the only way it will happen is painlessly, but it seems the painless methods are very hard if not impossible to access. The other part of the reason I'm still here is my fear of not knowing how the universe works like if my soul continues on or I reincarnate or just merge with the universe and disappear. I might not be able to hang on much longer so I'm trying to figure out if any painless methods are accessible to me. I just wish I knew how this universe works. I'm exhausted.
