For reference I'm a 31/m. For ad long as I can remember I've wanted to take my own life. I remember singing to myself in the basement of the house at 7 yrs old. "Nobody likes me, every body hates me, guess I should go eat worms". Even while writing this I contemplating if today will be the day. I got married young (20) and was divorced with 2 yrs. She found someone else and wanted nothing to do with me. That was my when my only full attempt came. Left in the after math and not knowing at all how I was going to keep on in life I tried to kill myself. I grabbed a handle and a bottle of jack Daniel's, a gun and set out in to the night. At this point in time she hadn't moved out and neither did I. Just found out she was sleeping with someone else for months. I stumbled through the woods in t shirt and jeans and was reading reddit on my phone while adding some liquid courage to finally pull the trigger. Well wouldn't you know I fail at this too. I ended up panicking after drinking half a bottle or whiskey and buried the gun and have never gone back for it. Was found by police drunkenly wandering on the side of a road miles from home. He called the ambulance, went to hospital and they kept me overnight. Almost lost a couple fingers.
Anyway to the present. I lay in bed writing this thinking today may be the day and the only thing stopping me is not being successful and ending up a pity party victim again. I want to makesure I succeed and I dont even have the ability to end my own life. Sorry for the rambling non sense but I'm in a haze and I really wish I could make sure I do it right.
Anyway to the present. I lay in bed writing this thinking today may be the day and the only thing stopping me is not being successful and ending up a pity party victim again. I want to makesure I succeed and I dont even have the ability to end my own life. Sorry for the rambling non sense but I'm in a haze and I really wish I could make sure I do it right.
