My SO died and I hate my life

[Nerozero]

Several month ago my SO died of cancer. I took care of her and her treatments for a year, it was a lot of hard work for us.

Due to pandemics, she became the only person I talked to

I started working weeks after she died, I can't handle working 9 hours a day. I feel very tired and I have no energy to do anything else than working

I am depressed and often thinking about suicide, but I won't be able to do that, I am not brave enough, and I still have some piece of hope (I am in late 20s)

I have gone to see 2 psychologists and a psychiatry. None of them helped me

I wish I had someone who hugs and comforts me, like I did with my SO. But I am alone, and I know I probably will never find someone like her, and for sure I won't even find ANYBODY because I am too depressed and tired to do something about it

I don't know what to do

 

[happy?1270]

I'm sorry for your loss

 

[theboy]

SO?

 

[happy?1270]

Significant other

SO?

 

[theboy]

Hugs
I hope you feel better soon

 

[Julgran]

Several month ago my SO died of cancer. I took care of her and her treatments for a year, it was a lot of hard work for us.

Due to pandemics, she became the only person I talked to

I started working weeks after she died, I can't handle working 9 hours a day. I feel very tired and I have no energy to do anything else than working

I am depressed and often thinking about suicide, but I won't be able to do that, I am not brave enough, and I still have some piece of hope (I am in late 20s)

I have gone to see 2 psychologists and a psychiatry. None of them helped me

I wish I had someone who hugs and comforts me, like I did with my SO. But I am alone, and I know I probably will never find someone like her, and for sure I won't even find ANYBODY because I am too depressed and tired to do something about it

I don't know what to do

You are strong for still being alive, I think, and there's probably not much that may make you happy at this time, and I won't try to cheer you up needlessly. However, do you believe that you can divert your thoughts somewhat, by getting together with friends, or similar...?

I wish you good luck!

 

[Nerozero]

I don't have energy for hanging out with friends, I feel very tired because of working. I think I see them once every month or 2 now, but it doesn't make me feel better

 

[The Eeyorish One]

I'm very sorry for your loss. I haven't lost someone I love yet so I can't even imagine what you're going through. That being said my encouragement would be to seek out some kind of support group for people who've lost someone to cancer, or some kind of generalized grief support group, assuming you haven't already tried. I say this so you can have a support network of people who truly understand what you're going through. All that being said, ultimately it's your decision, and I hope whatever happens you're able to find at least some small comfort and peace.

 

[lionetta12]

Several month ago my SO died of cancer. I took care of her and her treatments for a year, it was a lot of hard work for us.

Due to pandemics, she became the only person I talked to

I started working weeks after she died, I can't handle working 9 hours a day. I feel very tired and I have no energy to do anything else than working

I am depressed and often thinking about suicide, but I won't be able to do that, I am not brave enough, and I still have some piece of hope (I am in late 20s)

I have gone to see 2 psychologists and a psychiatry. None of them helped me

I wish I had someone who hugs and comforts me, like I did with my SO. But I am alone, and I know I probably will never find someone like her, and for sure I won't even find ANYBODY because I am too depressed and tired to do something about it

I don't know what to do

I'm so sorry. It is always tough to lose a loved one, especially permanently.

 

[Nerozero]

I'm very sorry for your loss. I haven't lost someone I love yet so I can't even imagine what you're going through. That being said my encouragement would be to seek out some kind of support group for people who've lost someone to cancer, or some kind of generalized grief support group, assuming you haven't already tried. I say this so you can have a support network of people who truly understand what you're going through. All that being said, ultimately it's your decision, and I hope whatever happens you're able to find at least some small comfort and peace.

From the beginning of her illness I talked everyday to a lot of cancer-associations to help her

Then I ask them and my therapist to find me a grief-group. But they only found virtual groups and I am tired of remote meetings

Now you remind me to google it, it took me a while but I found some more groups, I hope they are not virtual and I can assist when I am not at work

 

[makethepainstop]

Loss of a SO is devastating, did that before. Love and hugs for you.

 

[Nerozero]

Loss of a SO is devastating, did that before. Love and hugs for you.

What did you do?

 

[makethepainstop]

Cried a lot.

 

[Rounded Apathy]

Loss is horrible. I agree with others here saying group support could really be of help. Humans aren't equipped to be able to deal well with this kind of thing on their own; for the vast majority of our existence we have been in tighter knit communities and death and grieving would be a collectively shared struggle...not that it would affect everyone the same, but still. I get you about the inadequacy of virtual stuff though, that's just another thing most of us require for wellbeing. Closeness. Touch. Ugh

Was she expected to last longer, or was the end in sight? How about her family? I take it from your post you weren't really close with them but I'm expect they are grieving as well. Obviously this aspect can be very tricky so anyone else close to her might be a good point of connection. Wishing you healing

 

[Nerozero]

Loss is horrible. I agree with others here saying group support could really be of help. Humans aren't equipped to be able to deal well with this kind of thing on their own; for the vast majority of our existence we have been in tighter knit communities and death and grieving would be a collectively shared struggle...not that it would affect everyone the same, but still. I get you about the inadequacy of virtual stuff though, that's just another thing most of us require for wellbeing. Closeness. Touch. Ugh

Was she expected to last longer, or was the end in sight? How about her family? I take it from your post you weren't really close with them but I'm expect they are grieving as well. Obviously this aspect can be very tricky so anyone else close to her might be a good point of connection. Wishing you healing

I will try to contact support groups, I don't have too much hope on them, but I don't have too many options

She was beating it. Chemotherapy was eliminating the tumor, but then she had to be internalised. She died from an infection she catched there

I was not close to her family, but I visit them once a week or two. It's kind of awkward for me to be there and I don't feel they are grieving as hard as I am. Unlike me, they have their own life

They treat me nicely since she died. I think because they feel pity for me, and to thank me for helping her

 

[ph0enix]

sorry 4 u

 

[LookingOverTheEdge]

I am so sorry this has happened to you. The sheer strength it must take to even get out of bed in the morning. You're stronger than I am that's for sure

 

[Ashu]

She was beating it. Chemotherapy was eliminating the tumor, but then she had to be internalised. She died from an infection she catched there

This is just such an unspeakably cruel fate.

 

[LONE WOLF.]

Several month ago my SO died of cancer. I took care of her and her treatments for a year, it was a lot of hard work for us.

Due to pandemics, she became the only person I talked to

I started working weeks after she died, I can't handle working 9 hours a day. I feel very tired and I have no energy to do anything else than working

I am depressed and often thinking about suicide, but I won't be able to do that, I am not brave enough, and I still have some piece of hope (I am in late 20s)

I have gone to see 2 psychologists and a psychiatry. None of them helped me

I wish I had someone who hugs and comforts me, like I did with my SO. But I am alone, and I know I probably will never find someone like her, and for sure I won't even find ANYBODY because I am too depressed and tired to do something about it

I don't know what to do

@Nerozero, l am so sorry for your loss, l wish I could physically reach out and give you a Hug

 

[Made4TV]

I just want to affirm what others have said and also remind you that caregiving is exhausting just on its own. So you were possibly already emotionally and physically exhausted even before she died. Even that would take time to recover. I also can vouch for support groups. But you also need time to rebuild and replenish. I'm so sorry.

 

[Nerozero]

I just want to affirm what others have said and also remind you that caregiving is exhausting just on its own. So you were possibly already emotionally and physically exhausted even before she died. Even that would take time to recover. I also can vouch for support groups. But you also need time to rebuild and replenish. I'm so sorry.

Oh yes, I was really anxious everyday dealing with hospitals, medications, taxes, burocracy, cancer assosiations, posting on the internet asking for help, donations, talking to people who might help, googling and reading so much, her suffering. I was too afraid of losing her from the first day

I still was happy being with her

Now I only feel tired of work, and depressed. Really different from before she died, much less exhausted/anxious but unhappy and hopeless

 

[Someone123]

Several month ago my SO died of cancer. I took care of her and her treatments for a year, it was a lot of hard work for us.

Due to pandemics, she became the only person I talked to

I started working weeks after she died, I can't handle working 9 hours a day. I feel very tired and I have no energy to do anything else than working

I am depressed and often thinking about suicide, but I won't be able to do that, I am not brave enough, and I still have some piece of hope (I am in late 20s)

I have gone to see 2 psychologists and a psychiatry. None of them helped me

I wish I had someone who hugs and comforts me, like I did with my SO. But I am alone, and I know I probably will never find someone like her, and for sure I won't even find ANYBODY because I am too depressed and tired to do something about it

I don't know what to do

I am very sorry foir your loss. Psychologists and psychiatrits rarely help, the whole system is set up to maximize profit, and they do this by keeeping you sick sadly- not necessarily deliberately, but the whole system is so incompetent this is this effect. YOU can dig out of this though by building up a network of family and friends who care- that's the real solution. Once you have this you can find someone else in time and fall in love again. Just spending time with family and friends can heal you- sharing meals, wat6ching tv together, just having company can help a lot.

 

[Nerozero]

I am very sorry foir your loss. Psychologists and psychiatrits rarely help, the whole system is set up to maximize profit, and they do this by keeeping you sick sadly- not necessarily deliberately, but the whole system is so incompetent this is this effect. YOU can dig out of this though by building up a network of family and friends who care- that's the real solution. Once you have this you can find someone else in time and fall in love again. Just spending time with family and friends can heal you- sharing meals, wat6ching tv together, just having company can help a lot.

No, I clearly do NOT feel better by being with family and friends

 

[Someone123]

No, I clearly do NOT feel better by being with family and friends

Ok, I was just trying to help. You may want to consider being nicer to people who reach out to you with caring and good intentions.

 

[whywere]

OMG! My heart shattered when I read your post. I am beyond sorry for you and the old saying of one day at a time is bull. At least for me through over 66 years when I have been faced with a huge sorrow, loss, list goes on, I always do a task at a time and when I am comfortable then I expand to a longer time frame.

I always take time to grieve, as it is both a way of comprehending and renationalize not only the situation but life in general.

I had gall bladder cancer back in 2014, and chemo was hell.

Sending you so, so many huge hugs, tons of love and kindness, caring and thoughtful understanding.

Always feel free to pm me.

Walter

 

[gomenasai]

I am sorry for your loss. Now it's time for healing that will last a very, very long time. Don't rush the process and take care of yourself