...and it doesn't make me feel relieved. And I think it's because I can't get past the fact that my death will absolutely devastate my family. I hate this so much. I was hoping for the same feeling of peace that other members here have expressed when they receive their SN. I wish I could just GO and no one would be hurt by it.
I am so sorry for your dilemma. For me I have no family ,no friends, nobody, and when and if I ctb no one will know or care, whicjh is fine by me. Love and peace to you!
BPD Barbie
Visionary
- Dec 1, 2019
- 2,361
Sorry to hear that you feel like this. It's a hard decision to come to, knowing what we will leave behind and how it will impact those. I felt a great sense of relief when mine came and its always close to me. I hope you get some peace of mind soon.
I know exactly the dilemma you mean, almost wishing to be in some kind of accident because then you could ctb without the guilt of devastating your family. It's a very difficult situation knowing how you'll affect the lives of people you leave behind. If you want to talk anything through my DMs are always open
PJFord
Student
- Jul 27, 2020
- 143
If you're planning to leave a note, you can express that you know your action will be devastating and if there was any way to take away that pain you would. If you give some details for your reason, that could help them understand and accept. Also you Could say this was solely your decision and that there was nothing they could do or say that would have prevented this.
I feel for you. I wanted to postpone CTBing uNeil my parents passed because I knew it would hurt them. They both passed in 2018.
I feel for you. I wanted to postpone CTBing uNeil my parents passed because I knew it would hurt them. They both passed in 2018.
I would call the suicide hotline. I felt the same way many times and everytime I'm relieved I called.
grungeCat
Awkward & weird
- Jul 5, 2020
- 1,110
I don't wanna be mean but death of a family member is a devastating feeling and it certainly ruins life. My mother passed away lately so now I know how painful and sad it is. It can't be denied my dear. However, there will be 2 people that will grief after my death. I feel terribly sorry for them. Oh well, nevermind. Anyway, I wish you a peaceful and painless journey. See you on the other side!
Deathbydemo
Mage
- Feb 15, 2020
- 518
I know what you mean. I'm completely 50/50 on this one. I feel an amazing sense of relief knowing my SN is on its way, and that when I hold it in my hands, it's my way out. On the other hand, I know I will devastate my family and that is beyond heartbreaking. All our feelings are completely valid and normal. I guess, when it comes down to it, we have to let it all go and try and focus on our reasons why we want/need out and not the aftermath.
