My SN came today. Now I have a lot to contemplate.

[OldGod]

It's funny, the hesitation that comes when you're staring death in the face. I don't have to take it right now, I have a couple weeks. Maybe I should just get it over with. I'm really not sure. I've been hoping for a miraculous turn of events but lately I've just been getting a barrage of disappointments. There is a deep pain within me. I really wish things didn't turn out like this, I wish I could change something, I wish I had the knowledge I have now. Yet here I am, in my current situation that will not change unless to become worse.

I'm hoping that when I take it, I do it right. I'm not worried about someone saving me because I live alone and nobody really checks up on me. I guess all that's left to do is wait and prepare.

 

[WEASEL1234]

It's funny, the hesitation that comes when you're staring death in the face. I don't have to take it right now, I have a couple weeks. Maybe I should just get it over with. I'm really not sure. I've been hoping for a miraculous turn of events but lately I've just been getting a barrage of disappointments. There is a deep pain within me. I really wish things didn't turn out like this, I wish I could change something, I wish I had the knowledge I have now. Yet here I am, in my current situation that will not change unless to become worse.

I'm hoping that when I take it, I do it right. I'm not worried about someone saving me because I live alone and nobody really checks up on me. I guess all that's left to do is wait and prepare.

Hope you find some solace

 

[Mr2005]

I've had mine for a bit and it's strange, I don't feel it changes anything.

 

[Ghost2211]

No rush. I did the same thing. Just having it feels good.

 

[WEASEL1234]

I've had mine for a bit and it's strange, I don't feel it changes anything.

Me too

 

[OldGod]

I really want to go out and do something ridiculous before I go. A crazy party, another concert, bring a girl or two or three home, waste a whole bunch of money, etc. Yet I also don't want to be stuck with the consequences if for some reason it doesn't work.

 

[one4all]

I also don't want to be stuck with the consequences if for some reason it doesn't work.

AMEN

 

[Mr2005]

Why have you only got two weeks?

 

[OldGod]

Why have you only got two weeks?

I'm on leave for work for two weeks. I was going to take it during this time in case it didn't work or I got found out then I'd have a buffer to sort things out with work. I don't want to do it if I have immediate responsibilities.

 

[HorribleFeelings1]

It's funny, the hesitation that comes when you're staring death in the face. I don't have to take it right now, I have a couple weeks. Maybe I should just get it over with. I'm really not sure. I've been hoping for a miraculous turn of events but lately I've just been getting a barrage of disappointments. There is a deep pain within me. I really wish things didn't turn out like this, I wish I could change something, I wish I had the knowledge I have now. Yet here I am, in my current situation that will not change unless to become worse.

I'm hoping that when I take it, I do it right. I'm not worried about someone saving me because I live alone and nobody really checks up on me. I guess all that's left to do is wait and prepare.

It fucking sucks for me because I've had SN for a long time but I'm waiting for my CTB for reasons. I worry about my damn problems and pain more than suicide so I don't always think about it and it sucks, however the closer my CTB gets the more I feel it

 

[OldGod]

It fucking sucks for me because I've had SN for a long time but I'm waiting for my CTB for reasons. I worry about my damn problems and pain more than suicide so I don't always think about it and it sucks, however the closer my CTB gets the more I feel it

You're saying you're distracted by life? Could be a blessing in disguise.

 

[HorribleFeelings1]

You're saying you're distracted by life? Could be a blessing in disguise.

Lol nope life doesn't distract me at all, my problems to why I want to CTB do. My life is falling apart completely and that's another reason why I want to CTB

 

[Melkus2020]

Make sure you send an advanced notice like a delayed text to the police. You do not want to be found a week or two later. It would devastate your loved ones. You want to have an open casket service.

 

[OldGod]

Make sure you send an advanced notice like a delayed text to the police. You do not want to be found a week or two later. It would devastate your loved ones. You want to have an open casket service.

Actually I don't have any loved ones. My family is... estranged, to put it simply. I do have something planned to let authorities know but that's just my own preference. I don't want to be rotting in my home. I want to be buried with some dignity.

 

[one4all]

Make sure you send an advanced notice like a delayed text to the police.

I've heard that can back fire on you. Of course depending on the service etc etc etc

 

[TAW122]

Glad you got your method and can check out anytime. I would suggest taking a while to think thoroughly and not rush into it because one of the worst things is changing your mind mid-attempt and risk failure along with potentially permanent damage. CTB'ing is one of the most important decisions and not something that should be done without careful consideration of ALL variables, factors, and planning. Whatever you end up doing, I wish you peace and well in your decision.

 

[OldGod]

I just opened the package. Hope this is right, it says "Sodium Nitrite" and it was listed as 99% online.

 

[Despondent]

If it's something that you find that you should get over with, maybe it's not the right time friend.. I hope you find peace with whichever decision you choose ❤

 

[the_inbetween]

That's the same one arriving for me today! Good luck whatever you choose to do.

 

[justfloating]

It's funny, the hesitation that comes when you're staring death in the face. I don't have to take it right now, I have a couple weeks. Maybe I should just get it over with. I'm really not sure. I've been hoping for a miraculous turn of events but lately I've just been getting a barrage of disappointments. There is a deep pain within me. I really wish things didn't turn out like this, I wish I could change something, I wish I had the knowledge I have now. Yet here I am, in my current situation that will not change unless to become worse.

I'm hoping that when I take it, I do it right. I'm not worried about someone saving me because I live alone and nobody really checks up on me. I guess all that's left to do is wait and prepare.

just make sure that you are certain its the right choice when you do it, you'll find a sense of peace if it is and that is how you'll know its your time.

I too am waiting for a turn of events but there is only so much longer I can last.

From what I hear SN is very effective if done correctly so I wouldn't worry too much about suffering the consequences if it doesn't work

 

[OldGod]

I was trying to figure out how long it takes and the Moonicide story seems to be about 20 mins till unconsciousness and another 20 mins or so until death, but Stan's guide says it could even take up to four hours?

 

[Melkus2020]

I was trying to figure out how long it takes and the Moonicide story seems to be about 20 mins till unconsciousness and another 20 mins or so until death, but Stan's guide says it could even take up to four hours?

When I take it I will sit on a recliner. Watch some Highlander reboots on Pluto. And just wait for the vasodilation to sweep me away.

 

[Ringoooooo]

I was trying to figure out how long it takes and the Moonicide story seems to be about 20 mins till unconsciousness and another 20 mins or so until death, but Stan's guide says it could even take up to four hours?

Depends on how much SN you take, your health, the amount of water used, body mass etc

 

[xBrialesana]

I understand completely. I look at my bottle longingly every few hours tbh. There's just shit I HAVE to do and I'm currently physically too injured. So I'm waiting waiting waiting

 

[OldGod]

When I take it I will sit on a recliner. Watch some Highlander reboots on Pluto. And just wait for the vasodilation to sweep me away.

I'm not sure what my plan is yet. Probably music, Sopranos clips, something along those lines. I'm certainly going to spoil myself beforehand.

Depends on how much SN you take, your health, the amount of water used, body mass etc

Is there any way to calculate that?

 

[NotOfThisEarth]

I really want to go out and do something ridiculous before I go. A crazy party, another concert, bring a girl or two or three home, waste a whole bunch of money, etc. Yet I also don't want to be stuck with the consequences if for some reason it doesn't work.

Yea I get it. I've been racking up cc debt and had quit my job and now have to care for my elderly kitty. I'm still a social outcast-I sleep all day & just drink, eat to excess at night.