Venting My session today :(

[BitterlyAlive]

After last week, I didn't want to go back to therapy. The things that were said still hurt. Last week, my therapist seemed exasperated with me. Today they just seemed annoyed and fed up with me. Some things that were said...
• "You're brilliant, but you don't know everything." I was telling them what my insurance says about coverage.
• "You're too negative." I was telling them my worries about my job, the potential of not being able to get disability so I'm still getting paid while I'm not working.
• "What have you diagnosed yourself with?" I don't diagnose myself, I worry about having conditions and have been like this since I was in high school. Also it was said in a tone like I'm a bother.
• "You can think of a future, you just choose not to." I was telling them I can't imagine an actual future - this has been a problem since I was a child. People ask what I want, what my dreams are...and there's just nothing. It gives me a headache to try and imagine anything. I think it's related to anhedonia, but I don't know...
• I told them I have a hard time trusting other people, the response I got was similar to the "you don't know everything" answer. I get really scared. I know I don't know everything.
• They said I'm "not successful at work, not successful at home, not successful in life." I was shocked. And then felt awful because it's true.

I feel horrible. I feel like a bad person. I felt like I couldn't even express myself because whatever I think is wrong and would be used against me. My thoughts aren't really my thoughts, my feelings aren't valid, my experiences mean nothing.

 

[Deleted member 1496]

I haven't been in therapy for years, and only now am I accepting and not running away from the idea that therapy is not always the right thing to do, with help from people who know more about therapy than I do. Society promotes this pleasant idea that seeking professional help is a highly successful panacea, but they rarely reveal when therapy doesn't help, causes more problems than it solves, or destroys or undermines patients.

You're not a bad person or a bad patient. Your therapist may be incompetent to meet your needs. My last therapist said I was too smart for him. He couldn't counter my arguments, so he would say whatever he initially believed and ignored whatever I said. When I would cite an independent source (i.e., I wasn't creating ideas in my head), he would look out the window, then move onto a different topic instead of actually discussing it. Looking back, he was a lousy therapist. If he can't discuss a topic, refer me to someone who can. If I am smarter than him, why am I seeking him for help? Show me why I shouldn't be worried instead of simply telling me I shouldn't worry. I want to see someone who can help me grow from where I'm at, not someone who minimizes what I think because they said so. A doctorate doesn't guarantee they're god, and if they're knowledgeable enough to proclaim something as a therapist, they should be capable enough to discuss or explain it to their patient. Otherwise, their therapy is the slogan "Just Do It". But I'd rather have the t-shirt. Their "you don't know everything" argument is a cop-out when they can't--or don't want spend the effort--to discuss your point.

One presentation I watched showed that there were two key factors that determined if therapy helped: (1) a positive relationship with your therapist and (2) hope. It didn't matter what type of therapy it was (CBT, DBT, etc.). Your current therapist isn't helping you with either, so IMHO, you should drop this therapist. You can't have a voice if they don't want you to talk. If you are forced to see this particular therapist, I wouldn't view them as guidance or help anymore because it's causing you problems; I'd make make the sessions superficial. Maybe if they realize you're not investing in them, maybe you're even messing with them, they'll drop you if you can't drop them. :)

 

[Frew]

Your therapist sounds like they lack empathy, I don't think you should go back. Ugh way to kick someone when they're down. Can't believe they said those things to someone in such a bad place.

 

[BitterlyAlive]

I haven't been in therapy for years, and only now am I accepting and not running away from the idea that therapy is not always the right thing to do, with help from people who know more about therapy than I do. Society promotes this pleasant idea that seeking professional help is a highly successful panacea, but they rarely reveal when therapy doesn't help, causes more problems than it solves, or destroys or undermines patients.

You're not a bad person or a bad patient. Your therapist may be incompetent to meet your needs. My last therapist said I was too smart for him. He couldn't counter my arguments, so he would say whatever he initially believed and ignored whatever I said. When I would cite an independent source (i.e., I wasn't creating ideas in my head), he would look out the window, then move onto a different topic instead of actually discussing it. Looking back, he was a lousy therapist. If he can't discuss a topic, refer me to someone who can. If I am smarter than him, why am I seeking him for help? Show me why I shouldn't be worried instead of simply telling me I shouldn't worry. I want to see someone who can help me grow from where I'm at, not someone who minimizes what I think because they said so. A doctorate doesn't guarantee they're god, and if they're knowledgeable enough to proclaim something as a therapist, they should be capable enough to discuss or explain it to their patient. Otherwise, their therapy is the slogan "Just Do It". But I'd rather have the t-shirt. Their "you don't know everything" argument is a cop-out when they can't--or don't want spend the effort--to discuss your point.

One presentation I watched showed that there were two key factors that determined if therapy helped: (1) a positive relationship with your therapist and (2) hope. It didn't matter what type of therapy it was (CBT, DBT, etc.). Your current therapist isn't helping you with either, so IMHO, you should drop this therapist. You can't have a voice if they don't want you to talk. If you are forced to see this particular therapist, I wouldn't view them as guidance or help anymore because it's causing you problems; I'd make make the sessions superficial. Maybe if they realize you're not investing in them, maybe you're even messing with them, they'll drop you if you can't drop them. :)

Ah, so my therapy is Nike therapy. Lmao. Gotta remember that one. That therapist does sound lousy. I like being challenged, not ignored/invalidated/shut down. My therapist states that they "meet the client where they're at", but the sessions have shown otherwise. I feel like such a fool; they seemed really nice and empathetic at first but...something changed two weeks ago. They got too casual. Made comments like "you can roll your eyes", which I hated because my parents say that when they're mad. Then last week happened, and then today happened.

I still can't help but feel like it's because of me. I don't want to waste my time or put up with shit, and I've dropped so many therapists this year because of it. But maybe I'm the one with a bad attitude. After all, I don't really trust therapists at this point, I don't think they can help me, I'm just going to appease people. It's going to be interesting if I'm able to go to a PHP. I really don't try to be oppositional, I try to go along with it. But at the same time, I'm fed up and tired.

Anyway, thanks for the comment. It was interesting and gave me some things to think about. You're spot on about a positive relationship with the T and hope. Those are the key to effective therapy.

Your therapist sounds like they lack empathy, I don't think you should go back. Ugh way to kick someone when they're down. Can't believe they said those things to someone in such a bad place.

I can't believe it either, that's why I feel shitty about it all. They seem to have basically done a 180. I don't think I'll be going back, I dunno. Things are too confusing and overwhelming just living day by day.

 

[Ghost2211]

You really need someone better to talk to. There is no point to therapy if the person doesn't empathize or care. It might be a whole different and better experience for you if you find someone good to talk to.

 

[woxihuanni]

These comments are clearly by a sociopath/psycopath. They didn't even try to coat the poison with sugar.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

A good therapist should not tell you what to think or feel or tell you that you are wrong.
A good therapist should be there to listen and to give you a non-judgemental environment in which to safely explore your issues and concerns, so you can explore your own views. Any conclusion arrived at is utterly worthless unless it comes from you. If it comes from them, then they are shit and you need a better therapist.
It's one of the reasons people come here (at least in recovery), because there is a higher chance of people listening and not imposing their views.

 

[BitterlyAlive]

You really need someone better to talk to. There is no point to therapy if the person doesn't empathize or care. It might be a whole different and better experience for you if you find someone good to talk to.

Yeah, I agree. I don't want to try finding someone else though, because I'm just exhausted and tired of trying.

These comments are clearly by a sociopath/psycopath. They didn't even try to coat the poison with sugar.

Oh, this therapist has appeared to be thoughtful and compassionate. I still don't know if it's something I said or did, because I know I'm a difficult client. But something seemed to change a few weeks ago and then comments like these started happening. I don't want to demonize them or pretend that I'm not responsible, but it does seem...odd.

A good therapist should not tell you what to think or feel or tell you that you are wrong.
A good therapist should be there to listen and to give you a non-judgemental environment in which to safely explore your issues and concerns, so you can explore your own views. Any conclusion arrived at is utterly worthless unless it comes from you. If it comes from them, then they are shit and you need a better therapist.
It's one of the reasons people come here (at least in recovery), because there is a higher chance of people listening and not imposing their views.

I agree, honestly. But someone I trusted has pointed out that I need to let the therapist be the therapist and listen to their suggestions, that even if I don't agree with what they say it doesn't mean that the suggestions won't help. I also agree with what this person said. But I don't want a therapist to just give me the answers, I really prefer to come to my own conclusions and help myself. I dunno...

 

[OopsIdidntwanttodie]

After last week, I didn't want to go back to therapy. The things that were said still hurt. Last week, my therapist seemed exasperated with me. Today they just seemed annoyed and fed up with me. Some things that were said...
• "You're brilliant, but you don't know everything." I was telling them what my insurance says about coverage.
• "You're too negative." I was telling them my worries about my job, the potential of not being able to get disability so I'm still getting paid while I'm not working.
• "What have you diagnosed yourself with?" I don't diagnose myself, I worry about having conditions and have been like this since I was in high school. Also it was said in a tone like I'm a bother.
• "You can think of a future, you just choose not to." I was telling them I can't imagine an actual future - this has been a problem since I was a child. People ask what I want, what my dreams are...and there's just nothing. It gives me a headache to try and imagine anything. I think it's related to anhedonia, but I don't know...
• I told them I have a hard time trusting other people, the response I got was similar to the "you don't know everything" answer. I get really scared. I know I don't know everything.
• They said I'm "not successful at work, not successful at home, not successful in life." I was shocked. And then felt awful because it's true.

I feel horrible. I feel like a bad person. I felt like I couldn't even express myself because whatever I think is wrong and would be used against me. My thoughts aren't really my thoughts, my feelings aren't valid, my experiences mean nothing.

Your therapist is horrible :( Surely not all of them are like that. Do you plan on finding someone else?

 

[BitterlyAlive]

Your therapist is horrible :( Surely not all of them are like that. Do you plan on finding someone else?

Really trying to give them the benefit of the doubt. But "bad therapists" has been a trend for me all year. I've gone through so many, people are frustrated with me for it. It makes me wonder if there's just something wrong with my personality. Idk if I'll find someone else. Just wanna give up.

 

[mahakaliSS_MahaDurga]

Really trying to give them the benefit of the doubt. But "bad therapists" has been a trend for me all year. I've gone through so many, people are frustrated with me for it. It makes me wonder if there's just something wrong with my personality. Idk if I'll find someone else. Just wanna give up.

How old are you, if you don't mind me asking, and for how long have you been feeling like this?

 

[BitterlyAlive]

How old are you, if you don't mind me asking, and for how long have you been feeling like this?

I'm 23. I've struggled with anxiety for about 20 years, and everything else seems to be about 11 years? The trauma seems to be a literal lifelong thing.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

I've gone through so many, people are frustrated with me for it.

Maybe they could try considering how frustrating it is for you?

Imagine if you had a physical condition and you saw a string of doctors, and none of them could figure it out, and everyone kept getting frustrated with you for not getting "fixed" and for trying new doctors, not listening to the ones you went to, being oppositional because, authority. Then you finally found a doctor who figured out the issue and you healed. Then who had the frustrating attitude?

Not saying you have to keep searching for a therapist if you don't want to, just offering an outside perspective.

 

[mahakaliSS_MahaDurga]

I'm 23. I've struggled with anxiety for about 20 years, and everything else seems to be about 11 years?

How did it all start, if you remember and if you are comfortable talking about it? I've had anxiety since childhood, but I think that has a lot to do with the fact that my country was at war. I would spend weekdays at my grandmother's place, not interacting with peers, and I would just go on walks with her or spend time in the basement of her building during air raids. I had a constant feeling of unease and sadness back then, and the feeling just stayed with me, I guess.

 

[BitterlyAlive]

Maybe they could try considering how frustrating it is for you?

A very good point. I said something similar to someone the other say, asked "Well how do you think I feel?" I think they followed that asking me "Is this the way you want to live for the rest of your life?" Mm. It would be a fair question if I had any sort of hope or future. Or really even a choice.

And you're perfectly fine. Maybe I'm just being stubborn and will change my mind. But I'm still planning to kill myself soon, so...

How did it all start, if you remember and if you are comfortable talking about it? I've had anxiety since childhood, but I think that has a lot to do with the fact that my country was at war. I would spend weekdays at my grandmother's place, not interacting with peers, and I would just go on walks with her or spend time in the basement of her building during air raids. I had a constant feeling of unease and sadness back then, and the feeling just stayed with me, I guess.

I don't feel comfortable talking about it publicly. Too much info. Are you okay PMing? Then you can talk more as well.

 

[mahakaliSS_MahaDurga]

I don't feel comfortable talking about it publicly. Too much info. Are you okay PMing? Then you can talk more as well.

Sure. Just sent you a PM.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

Well I agree that it's always worth listening, but that doesn't mean you have to agree. It should really be about what you think and what you need. You can't be led to any action or even a different attitude until you are ready.

 

[BitterlyAlive]

Well I agree that it's always worth listening, but that doesn't mean you have to agree. It should really be about what you think and what you need. You can't be led to any action or even a different attitude until you are ready.

The therapist that I was complaining to them about was focused on a superficial issue and was talking from a rigid, rather privileged point of view. I feel that if I am to be successful in therapy, I need someone I can talk to about my deeply rooted issues. I need someone who will listen to what I have to say, what I think, and not talk down to me or try to instantly solve my problem.

 

[Sherri]

After last week, I didn't want to go back to therapy. The things that were said still hurt. Last week, my therapist seemed exasperated with me. Today they just seemed annoyed and fed up with me. Some things that were said...
• "You're brilliant, but you don't know everything." I was telling them what my insurance says about coverage.
• "You're too negative." I was telling them my worries about my job, the potential of not being able to get disability so I'm still getting paid while I'm not working.
• "What have you diagnosed yourself with?" I don't diagnose myself, I worry about having conditions and have been like this since I was in high school. Also it was said in a tone like I'm a bother.
• "You can think of a future, you just choose not to." I was telling them I can't imagine an actual future - this has been a problem since I was a child. People ask what I want, what my dreams are...and there's just nothing. It gives me a headache to try and imagine anything. I think it's related to anhedonia, but I don't know...
• I told them I have a hard time trusting other people, the response I got was similar to the "you don't know everything" answer. I get really scared. I know I don't know everything.
• They said I'm "not successful at work, not successful at home, not successful in life." I was shocked. And then felt awful because it's true.

I feel horrible. I feel like a bad person. I felt like I couldn't even express myself because whatever I think is wrong and would be used against me. My thoughts aren't really my thoughts, my feelings aren't valid, my experiences mean nothing.

Your not a bad person, don't take everything your therapist says as a norm. Only you know who you really are hun. Hugs

 

[BitterlyAlive]

Your not a bad person, don't take everything your therapist says as a norm. Only you know who you really are hun. Hugs

Well they're not the only person who says these things to me. That's why it gets to me. Thank you for your kind reply though. I appreciate it.

 

[Sherri]

After last week, I didn't want to go back to therapy. The things that were said still hurt. Last week, my therapist seemed exasperated with me. Today they just seemed annoyed and fed up with me. Some things that were said...
• "You're brilliant, but you don't know everything." I was telling them what my insurance says about coverage.
• "You're too negative." I was telling them my worries about my job, the potential of not being able to get disability so I'm still getting paid while I'm not working.
• "What have you diagnosed yourself with?" I don't diagnose myself, I worry about having conditions and have been like this since I was in high school. Also it was said in a tone like I'm a bother.
• "You can think of a future, you just choose not to." I was telling them I can't imagine an actual future - this has been a problem since I was a child. People ask what I want, what my dreams are...and there's just nothing. It gives me a headache to try and imagine anything. I think it's related to anhedonia, but I don't know...
• I told them I have a hard time trusting other people, the response I got was similar to the "you don't know everything" answer. I get really scared. I know I don't know everything.
• They said I'm "not successful at work, not successful at home, not successful in life." I was shocked. And then felt awful because it's true.

I feel horrible. I feel like a bad person. I felt like I couldn't even express myself because whatever I think is wrong and would be used against me. My thoughts aren't really my thoughts, my feelings aren't valid, my experiences mean nothing.

You have no idea the exercises mine gave me last week to do at home. To scream at a mirror everyday in front of a mirror for 5 seconds and 40 minute walk and I will be healed in 6 months. Pathetic.

Well they're not the only person who says these things to me. That's why it gets to me. Thank you for your kind reply though. I appreciate it.

I've seen your interactions with others, you're a great person, bet my life on it!

 

[BitterlyAlive]

You have no idea the exercises mine gave me last week to do at home. To scream at a mirror everyday in front of a mirror for 5 seconds and 40 minute walk and I will be healed in 6 months. Pathetic.

I've seen your interactions with others, you're a great person, bet my life on it!

Did your therapist explain why they recommended those exercises? And thank you, you guys on here are very kind.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

The therapist that I was complaining to them about was focused on a superficial issue and was talking from a rigid, rather privileged point of view. I feel that if I am to be successful in therapy, I need someone I can talk to about my deeply rooted issues. I need someone who will listen to what I have to say, what I think, and not talk down to me or try to instantly solve my problem.

I agree with you and I think your attitude appears to be a healthy and realistic one.

 

[Sherri]

Did your therapist explain why they recommended those exercises? And thank you, you guys on here are very kind.

He said depressed peoples mouth tend to be downwards, so by doing that I would alter my face and look more happy. Silly guy he is.

 

[BitterlyAlive]

I agree with you and I think your attitude appears to be a healthy and realistic one.

Aww, thank you :)

He said depressed peoples mouth tend to be downwards, so by doing that I would alter my face and look more happy. Silly guy he is.

What. Uh, I was hoping for more...valid reasons than that.