My second stimulus (us) just hit and I’m thinking of taking my permanent vacation with it

[perdredenord]

I've been trying to get away from these thoughts and feelings but I keep coming back to it. I'm doing my best to not ctb, but my greatest loves do nothing for me in my current state.
I put aside the money in such small amounts for ~ years ~ and finally got myself an okay setup to create music... but I haven't been able to create in months. Trying makes me feel sick my stomach. It's the only thing that I feel I can offer to the world that's worth anything, even though it's not much.
I think it's because I need to get away from where I am. I don't know how I can, and survive long term, though...

 

[Zenpurrz]

Creativity and art, like any love is something that cannot be forced. Perhaps you are making yourself sicker by trying too hard? I am sorry that you feel so bad right now. I think many of us can empathize with this. I hope the new year brings you peace and re-connection with your creative muse...

 

[SuicidallyCurious]

Here is a better idea for the people who are financially illiterate or just unaware: If you have poor to moderate credit and no credit card and need funds to assist with CTB or CTB related travel, you should take the stimulus to the bank and open up a secured credit card. Try to get a unsecured one if you can but even the inferior secured card - it might help you leverage your CTB, you might get lucky and get like 500-2000 secured credit line which surely is enough to provide the funds to CTB with better method/location.

 

[perdredenord]

Here is a better idea for the people who are financially illiterate or just unaware: If you have poor to moderate credit and no credit card and need funds to assist with CTB or CTB related travel, you should take the stimulus to the bank and open up a secured credit card. Try to get a unsecured one if you can but even the inferior secured card - it might help you leverage your CTB, you might get lucky and get like 500-2000 secured credit line which surely is enough to provide the funds to CTB with better method/location.

Appreciate the info, but personally, I'm not going somewhere to assist with CTB. I'm more thinking going and renting a cabin somewhere that makes my heart feel full and spending my last few days feeling peace, and taking SN - I can't feel peace where I currently live and I don't want to spend my last days here, if that makes sense

Creativity and art, like any love is something that cannot be forced. Perhaps you are making yourself sicker by trying too hard? I am sorry that you feel so bad right now. I think many of us can empathize with this. I hope the new year brings you peace and re-connection with your creative muse...

I've been trying to take it slow - listening to many of my favorite albums, watching analyses on my favorite composers and artists' works, just doing things like trying to come up with a melody or a chord progression, baby steps, yknow? But it's the only thing I really love, and it hurts that I can't even be helped by music anymore :(

 

[Meditation guide]

I've been trying to get away from these thoughts and feelings but I keep coming back to it. I'm doing my best to not ctb, but my greatest loves do nothing for me in my current state.
I put aside the money in such small amounts for ~ years ~ and finally got myself an okay setup to create music... but I haven't been able to create in months. Trying makes me feel sick my stomach. It's the only thing that I feel I can offer to the world that's worth anything, even though it's not much.
I think it's because I need to get away from where I am. I don't know how I can, and survive long term, though...

The checks will be only $600 and haven't arrived yet. It's not a lot but it's enough for a motel room.

 

[perdredenord]

The checks will be only $600 and haven't arrived yet. It's not a lot but it's enough for a motel room.

Mine hit earlier today! They're coming. I've been looking and I've found some things within an affordable amount, and I currently work full time as well, so this is pretty much just tucking this money in my pocket and being over halfway over my needed financial goal. It brings things a lot closer to happening

 

[Meditation guide]

. It brings things a lot closer to happening

I'm glad it's helping you reach your goal.