Venting My psychologist says it’s my own fault people treat me bad

[pulleditnearlyoff]

Feeling extremely bad. Been lying in bed crying all morning. It touches me so much that my psychologist said yesterday that it is my own fault that people have treated me badly. It's all because of my behavior. I don't know what to do with this. I do know that it triggers my suicidality enormously and I feel like I have nowhere to turn to about it now.

 

[Tesha]

Did they explain why they thought that about your behaviour? That's a particularly shitty thing if they didn't give more context.

Sorry you're feeling so low about it.

 

[Hvergelmir]

Always see if you can learn something useful from seeing things that way. Maybe there are behavioral changes that could benefit your social life, immensely?
Also be open to the fact that she might be wrong. Feeling bad about yourself will only be beneficial, if it's a catalyst for change.

 

[pulleditnearlyoff]

Did they explain why they thought that about your behaviour? That's a particularly shitty thing if they didn't give more context.

Sorry you're feeling so low about it.

she tells me not to be angry at people who have treated me badly, but to be angry at myself for behaving badly. I am angry that I have been given 10 diagnoses such as ADHD, autism, bipolar and borderline, all of which I later turned out not to have after psychological examination. I had to take various medications for this, otherwise I had to go back to the closed ward. I felt like a zombie because of the pills and indicated several times that I did not want them. I secretly stopped taking them and spit them out every time I received them from the nurse. I am now very angry that I have been misdiagnosed and that I have had to take pills that I did not need and that I have been blackmailed into taking them. I don't trust doctors anymore and don't want (and don't need) any pills. According to my psychologist they are just trying to help (which I understand) and I should just cooperate and not fight so much. Another example is that some time later I agreed to a voluntary admission for two weeks, solely to initiate new medication. My psychiatrist emphasized that extra, that it was not for my chronic suicidality but purely for starting medication. After two weeks I wanted to leave, but they told me I had to stay because I was still suicidal (duh, I'm chronically suicidal). I kicked the door, then two men grabbed me roughly and dragged me across the hallway, threw me onto the bed and held me down on the bed. I think they could have just talked to me instead of abusing me. They treated me as I was psychotic, but I absolutely wasn't. I just wanted out. I asume this is not how you would treat a family member or your own child for example.

Sorry if my english is bad….

Always see if you can learn something useful from seeing things that way. Maybe there are behavioral changes that could benefit your social life, immensely?
Also be open to the fact that she might be wrong. Feeling bad about yourself will only be beneficial, if it's a catalyst for change.

I am very aware of my behavior and its consequences. she now makes me feel like everyone who has treated me badly is because of my own fault. yet a little voice inside me tells me that no matter how I behave, it is no excuse for someone else to emotionaly or physicaly abuse me.

 

[Hvergelmir]

I am very aware of my behavior and its consequences. she now makes me feel like everyone who has treated me badly is because of my own fault. yet a little voice inside me tells me that no matter how I behave, it is no excuse for someone else to emotionaly or physicaly abuse me.

There certainly is a futility in harboring anger towards people of the past. Pick your fights and try to not let past things affect you longer than it has to. They can afford to do wrong. You cannot. It's not fair, but it's best to see reality for what it is, and act in accordance.
Turning the anger towards yourself just sounds destructive, though.

As soon as you no longer relies on that institution you can leave it behind. Doctors, like others, are a mixed bag of good and bad. I too, have been told some very discouraging things by careless mental health professionals.

 

[ClownWorld2023]

she tells me not to be angry at people who have treated me badly, but to be angry at myself for behaving badly.

How to enable abuse 101: A gaslighting special.

 

[Tesha]

With respect, I think you need to tell your psychologist to fuck off and find someone who actually wants to work with you rather than against you. From what you've written, I can completely understand why you feel so badly let down, don't want to take medications and mistrust them.

Telling you to get angry with yourself demonstrates that they have no idea what they're talking about. Please, don't beat yourself up - but use your anger to ask if you can be given a new psychiatrist/psychologist.

 

[pulleditnearlyoff]

With respect, I think you need to tell your psychologist to fuck off and find someone who actually wants to work with you rather than against you. From what you've written, I can completely understand why you feel so badly let down, don't want to take medications and mistrust them.

Telling you to get angry with yourself demonstrates that they have no idea what they're talking about. Please, don't beat yourself up - but use your anger to ask if you can be given a new psychiatrist/psychologist.

Thank you. I've been struggling long enough with her. I'm a bit afraid that she will say that there's no other therapist on short term and that she will wait me for several weeks or months, because I know she likes to keep me waiting (as a lesson). I'm also afraid that another therapist could be even worse.

 

[rebelnow111]

Feeling extremely bad. Been lying in bed crying all morning. It touches me so much that my psychologist said yesterday that it is my own fault that people have treated me badly. It's all because of my behavior. I don't know what to do with this. I do know that it triggers my suicidality enormously and I feel like I have nowhere to turn to about it now.

hes wrong. its more because of judgemental people like his behavior.

 

[untothedepths]

How to enable abuse 101: A gaslighting special.

This is so concerning to read if true. Makes me even more afraid of neurotypicals.

 

[amnesia999]

After two weeks I wanted to leave, but they told me I had to stay because I was still suicidal (duh, I'm chronically suicidal). I kicked the door, then two men grabbed me roughly and dragged me across the hallway, threw me onto the bed and held me down on the bed. I think they could have just talked to me instead of abusing me. They treated me as I was psychotic, but I absolutely wasn't. I just wanted out. I asume this is not how you would treat a family member or your own child for example.

(This is painful to read. Actually it does sound exactly like how some people would treat their own children.) Try to pick your battles until you can safely leave. If you're in a place where people will rough you up, then try not to give them a reason to, even though it pisses you off.

I am very aware of my behavior and its consequences. she now makes me feel like everyone who has treated me badly is because of my own fault. yet a little voice inside me tells me that no matter how I behave, it is no excuse for someone else to emotionaly or physicaly abuse me.

If you can't trust your psychiatrist, tell them you want a new one, no matter how long it takes.

 

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

This is awful. It's telling of the industry as a whole, the way it oversteps and works against people by diminishing their autonomy and blaming the individual. This is extremely common, unfortunately. Especially for someone in a really acute phase of suffering where they're in a position of wanting to take their own life. That's when all bets are off and they'll do everything they can to restrict you and consider you a danger.

I would remove yourself from this limiting situation by whatever means necessary and find a therapist who treats you like a rational and intelligent adult. They exist, but they're not exactly a dime a dozen either.