asphyxiangel
bpd baby
- Aug 6, 2023
- 28
i have my plan set in stone. thr only issue i have is finding the courage to pull the trigger. i don't know what comes after. how long it will take, if it will hurt, if ill even actually succeed. but i have a plan.
i have literally nothing worth living for or trying for right now and its just a matter of when i finally get the courage to go. i've been talking about being suicidal for weeks and nobody has really taken me seriously but it won't be a shock lol.
i know once i start, i cant go back.
i'm going to give all my belongings to my friends and family. i already kinda made a mental note of who's going to get what. all i need to figure out is the logistics like who's going to care for my cats etc. i'm going to delete all my social media and factory reset any of my devices because the last thing i would want is friends/family going through my phone trying to get a glimpse of my life. embarrassing!
i'm going to clean my apartment.
get my hair done and do my makeup really nice. my method involves a firearm, so i know realistically there's literally no point in doing my hair or makeup but i at least want to feel pretty one last time before i go.
for those who are interested — it's a sig p365 with 9mm hollow point bullets. i'm no stranger to using firearms so i feel like im comfortable enough using it. i just am scared of slightly missing the sweet spot.
anyways, after i gather my things, i plan to go to a nice secluded spot. somewhere pretty but not too public so i don't traumatize anyone who's not prepared to see it but easy enough to get to to retrieve my body. i'm going to call 911 before i pull the trigger so at the very least they know what to expect when they arrive on scene. i doubt they would be able to get to me in time anyways to save me. i do wonder what the aftermath will look like.
there's not really much to my plan, it's really simple and seems quick enough but i know once i start giving out my things people will be concerned. i had to give my gun to my (ex) boyfriend because i didnt trust myself with it but now that he broke up with me and returned it to me, there's nothing really stopping me. its not entirely his fault but i wont lie and say he didn't contribute to it, and despite where we stand, giving my gun back to me knowing how i feel is just as good as him pulling the trigger himself.
i hope one day soon im brave enough to carry out my plan.
i have literally nothing worth living for or trying for right now and its just a matter of when i finally get the courage to go. i've been talking about being suicidal for weeks and nobody has really taken me seriously but it won't be a shock lol.
i know once i start, i cant go back.
i'm going to give all my belongings to my friends and family. i already kinda made a mental note of who's going to get what. all i need to figure out is the logistics like who's going to care for my cats etc. i'm going to delete all my social media and factory reset any of my devices because the last thing i would want is friends/family going through my phone trying to get a glimpse of my life. embarrassing!
i'm going to clean my apartment.
get my hair done and do my makeup really nice. my method involves a firearm, so i know realistically there's literally no point in doing my hair or makeup but i at least want to feel pretty one last time before i go.
for those who are interested — it's a sig p365 with 9mm hollow point bullets. i'm no stranger to using firearms so i feel like im comfortable enough using it. i just am scared of slightly missing the sweet spot.
anyways, after i gather my things, i plan to go to a nice secluded spot. somewhere pretty but not too public so i don't traumatize anyone who's not prepared to see it but easy enough to get to to retrieve my body. i'm going to call 911 before i pull the trigger so at the very least they know what to expect when they arrive on scene. i doubt they would be able to get to me in time anyways to save me. i do wonder what the aftermath will look like.
there's not really much to my plan, it's really simple and seems quick enough but i know once i start giving out my things people will be concerned. i had to give my gun to my (ex) boyfriend because i didnt trust myself with it but now that he broke up with me and returned it to me, there's nothing really stopping me. its not entirely his fault but i wont lie and say he didn't contribute to it, and despite where we stand, giving my gun back to me knowing how i feel is just as good as him pulling the trigger himself.
i hope one day soon im brave enough to carry out my plan.
