amor.dor
Losing my religion
- Dec 24, 2025
- 223
I spent a long time reflecting on how to minimize the suffering of those close to me after my death. I make it clear that these are reflections for those who can handle loneliness for longer—but even so, I found myself confronted with the situation and pondered it. I share my experience, which was this:
In a direct way:
1-Gradually reduce contact: This takes many months and depends a lot on the level of closeness. If they are very close people, they will notice the subtle change.
2-Create a certain antipathy: It may sound strange, but we tend to distance ourselves from what causes friction. Making comments deliberately contrary to the beliefs or values of your loved ones—almost like a "devil's advocate" of your own ideas—helps build emotional distance.For example, by talking about politics in a very polemical, boring, and contrary way to your loved ones' views.
3-Create ghost commitments: Saying you are extremely busy with work, a personal project, or the pursuit of overall financial improvement usually generates understanding and is an effective tool for creating space.
4-Create physical distance, if possible: Moving neighborhoods or cities makes visits rarer. Gradually, this physical distance fragments the frequency and intensity of the bond.
In the end, time is the most important variable. It is what transforms vivid memories into distant recollections. That's why patience is fundamental.
Remember: this is not something done overnight. Distancing is a gradual process. Imagine tuning a guitar: if you tighten the strings too quickly, they snap. If you tighten them little by little, carefully, the instrument tunes without issue.
In my case, I have been in another city for over a year. I reduced contact with my family from three times a week to once, and then to gaps of weeks. When I reply, I say I'm busy. This distance seems to have worked. I lied, saying I was going to another country, but the truth is that I plan to commit suicide. It seems I have reached a point where the detachment is "ready."
"How easily the stone falls from the hand onto the grave of the suicide, but how difficult was the struggle of the poor person who had made such a good bed for himself.
First he cast a fearful glance at death from a distance and turned away in horror; then, trembling, he walked around him in wide circles; but with every day they became narrower and narrower and at last he wrapped his tired arms around Death's neck and looked into his eyes: and there was peace, sweet peace."
-Mainlander
In a direct way:
1-Gradually reduce contact: This takes many months and depends a lot on the level of closeness. If they are very close people, they will notice the subtle change.
2-Create a certain antipathy: It may sound strange, but we tend to distance ourselves from what causes friction. Making comments deliberately contrary to the beliefs or values of your loved ones—almost like a "devil's advocate" of your own ideas—helps build emotional distance.For example, by talking about politics in a very polemical, boring, and contrary way to your loved ones' views.
3-Create ghost commitments: Saying you are extremely busy with work, a personal project, or the pursuit of overall financial improvement usually generates understanding and is an effective tool for creating space.
4-Create physical distance, if possible: Moving neighborhoods or cities makes visits rarer. Gradually, this physical distance fragments the frequency and intensity of the bond.
In the end, time is the most important variable. It is what transforms vivid memories into distant recollections. That's why patience is fundamental.
Remember: this is not something done overnight. Distancing is a gradual process. Imagine tuning a guitar: if you tighten the strings too quickly, they snap. If you tighten them little by little, carefully, the instrument tunes without issue.
In my case, I have been in another city for over a year. I reduced contact with my family from three times a week to once, and then to gaps of weeks. When I reply, I say I'm busy. This distance seems to have worked. I lied, saying I was going to another country, but the truth is that I plan to commit suicide. It seems I have reached a point where the detachment is "ready."
"How easily the stone falls from the hand onto the grave of the suicide, but how difficult was the struggle of the poor person who had made such a good bed for himself.
First he cast a fearful glance at death from a distance and turned away in horror; then, trembling, he walked around him in wide circles; but with every day they became narrower and narrower and at last he wrapped his tired arms around Death's neck and looked into his eyes: and there was peace, sweet peace."
-Mainlander
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