Venting my partner killed themselves yesterday

[Lxions]

just like the title says, my partner committed suicide yesterday. i cant cope with this, i didnt see it coming, i couldnt see the signs when it mattered the most. ive spent years convincing myself nobody will care if i die, is this how everyone will feel if i do? this is a suffocating sadness, something that will never fade. i dont think i can live with this feeling. i see them in everything. they consume my thoughts, my life. i shouldve seen it coming, i shouldve been there. they asked if i was awake that night, and i wasnt. i shouldve been awake, less than an hour later they died. im a failure, to them, and to myself. i cant forgive myself for this.

 

[Kta1994]

Im really sorry

 

[username8888]

Hasn't she told you doing ctb?

 

[Some place nice]

I'm so very sorry.

 

[tinyghost]

im so so sorry for your loss. it is not your fault at all. the decision to cbt is ones own. im sure you did everything you possibly could have for your partner.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I'm sorry for your loss. Your feelings are human! This is the unsolvable problem everyone of us has either we suffer until we die naturally and then the loved ones who are still alive will suffer the same grief or we CTB and are relieved and the loved ones staying here are griefing. That's the unsolvable issue. I'm really sorry you have to go through that but your partner is relieved from their suffering and is in better place!

 

[Lxions]

I'm sorry for your loss. Your feelings are human! This is the unsolvable problem everyone of us has either we suffer until we die naturally and then the loved ones who are still alive will suffer the same grief or we CTB and are relieved and the loved ones staying here are griefing. That's the unsolvable issue. I'm really sorry you have to go through that but your partner is relieved from their suffering and is in better place!

i really needed to hear this. thank you so much

 

[ItsyBitsyLifeNordic]

It's not your fault and I'm really sorry for your loss. I'm agreeing with the other comments above: I'm really sorry you have to go through that

 

[tiger b]

I'm sure you did all you reasonably could. It's natural to find reasons to blame yourself. 'should' is a word you could use to beat yourself up with when that's just a judgement, not necessarily a fact.

You don't have a magic wand. They did what they wanted.

I'm sorry for your loss and wish you well, and may your partner now have the peace they were looking for.

 

[just_a_guy]

I'm so sorry that you're going through this. I think it's natural to want to allocate blame and then to blame ourselves but this was their decision and even though you're trying to make sense if it, just give yourself time to grieve

 

[Raindancer]

I am so sorry for your loss. Just to agree with the others, you did everything you could and this was their decision. Be kind to yourself as you grieve.<3

 

[Maeve]

I'm so so sorry to hear.
Ots not your fault. Don't be harsh on urself as u grieve<3

 

[higherthanthesun]

This is not your fault at all, I am so sorry to hear your going through this immeasurable pain.

Be kind to yourself, they are in a better place, at peace if you will.

I wish you all the best <3

 

[tiredone]

sorry for your loss.
this is something my ex and kids will have to go through soon.
I have been giving hints and clues. Even saying it almost literally.
But as Chester sang...Nobody's Listening.
until its too late.
Sorry for being harsh but it strucks me recently deeply as i try to save my own life and fail day by day.

 

[NeedAnEscape]

I am so sorry for your loss. It is not your fault. They made their choice; and you cannot control the actions of others. I imagine they went through a lot of grief and hardship over their decision, and they would want the best for you. Take your time to grieve and heal.

 

[mia_qwerty]

I'm so sorry to hear this. It's a familiar story. It's really not your fault. I hope my friends and family don't feel they could have done more when I go. Because they have done all they can and no one can take this pain away from me. I really hope you will be ok in time.

 

[hi-okbye]

i'm so sorry for you loss. i can relate to how you feel. my partner didn't ctb, but they did pass suddenly out of no where so i can relate to how you feel. i hope you feel better soon. while the feeling will never pass, it may not even get much better. but you'll learn to grow around the greif. sending you much love <3

 

[Strawberry Moon]

I'm so sorry for your loss.

 

[Worndown]

If it was you, would you have left signs they should have seen? Probably not. They fought this battle alone while everyone was with them. That is how it goes and why helping, intervening or getting outside help is so difficult.
I am terribly sorry this happened to both of you. I hope you can see a path through this.

 

[j3n4829]

im very sorry

 

[cemetorium]

I'm very sorry for your loss.

 

[randal_bond]

I just want to say, what a wonderful crowd of sensitive, tactful, emotionally intellegent people. I know I'm not your mama, but I'm proud of you all. I'mhappy to be a part of this open-minded group of people.

OP, sending you positive vibes. We're here to listen. Take your time to grieve, don't rush it. Let it take as long as it will. Hugs.

 

[Lxions]

I just want to say, what a wonderful crowd of sensitive, tactful, emotionally intellegent people. I know I'm not your mama, but I'm proud of you all. I'mhappy to be a part of this open-minded group of people.

OP, sending you positive vibes. We're here to listen. Take your time to grieve, don't rush it. Let it take as long as it will. Hugs.

exactly how i feel reading all these replies. having people support and be honest with me is all i need right now, i cant be more grateful for this forum.

 

[Ε. Η. R.]

I'm sorry for your loss.
Nothing can make up for such a loss.

 

[chasm]

I'm so sorry. Please take it easy on yourself, it's not your fault.

 

[randal_bond]

exactly how i feel reading all these replies. having people support and be honest with me is all i need right now, i cant be more grateful for this forum.

OP, just thought I would check on you. How are you coping today? Have a decent day.

 

[Lxions]

OP, just thought I would check on you. How are you coping today? Have a decent day.

i had a really rough night and cried for hours. im just waking up and im hoping maybe itll get better today, im not sure though. i wish i was with them.

 

[randal_bond]

i had a really rough night and cried for hours. im just waking up and im hoping maybe itll get better today, im not sure though. i wish i was with them.

Keep talking to us when you feel like it. It will hopefully make you feel not completely alone. You're a part of this community.

 

[Spiritual survivor]

Sorry about your partner I've never lost anyone this way but a traumatic breakup I had once, felt as if the person had died. It was excruciating, but im sure it's more excruciating when u got a long history and the person was in a healthy commitment with u.

 

[cursedcure]

i'm so sorry. i know what you are going through. my boyfriend killed himself last month. it's hell on earth and i wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. if you want to chat i'll be there anytime