AntHydra
I wish you serenity.
- Sep 26, 2021
- 246
Hello everyone. Long time kind-of lurker, short time very active lurker, made an account just yesterday. I'm not entirely secure in how to use this website yet, so I apologise for any mistakes I make.
I hope to ctb as soon as possible, though technically I have time. It will probably take a while.
A simple and short story for now:
The story of my almost successful attempt at partial suspension hanging.
One day in January, at six in the morning, quite impulsively after an emotional (online) confrontation, I went to my bathroom to execute the method I had practiced countless times before.
I would put on a turtleneck sweater, put my pre-prepared note into my pocket, slip my belt around my neck and secure the belt to the handle of my bathroom window, which is inlaid upon the slope of the roof. Standing up, this handle is at about the height of my collarbone.
So in my impulsive rush of emotions, and very tired from staying up all night, I hung. I passed out almost immediately, and without pain, didn't even notice until I woke up on the floor, feeling ants crawling under my skin, and in a puddle of my own piss. My leather belt had ripped. Whether just from my weight or my struggling, I can't be sure. The thing that hurt most after everything was my tongue, which I had bitten quite severely, everything else was negligable. I noticed a shallow cut on my hand a bit later.
Obviously I was in quite a bit of shock. I had never gotten that far before.
I quickly told my best friend everything, and she stayed with me, consoling me, that day. After that, she just became colder again, clearly believing my attempt was an attempt at manipulating her. That notion really, really hurt, but that's irrelevant right now.
In hindsight, I am just disappointed that I came that close without success, as I can't seem to replicate the same thing now. It would have been perfect. Nobody in my house came to 'save' me, I went unconscious quickly, it didn't hurt almost at all.
I hope I can find something that works securely soon, even without using the bathroom window's handle (I'm a bit scared it might break, it's not super stable).
I have a couple of methods lined up... I can use a different belt and hang from my bedroom door's handle, but that has not been going well in experiments so far. The pressure doesn't seem to be enough to make me pass out. I could possibly use the staircase's railing, but at night, my younger brother would probably notice me there, so I would only be able to do this during the day when I am home and my parents and brother are not. I haven't been able to experiment with that a lot, but it seems cramped and uncomfortable.
There technically is a place in the house where I could do full suspension hanging too, in the garage there is a hook meant to fasten a punching bag. I could only use that location during certain times of the day though, when my parents are at work and I am home, and I am also not sure that would work with a belt. I don't have access to a useful rope (that I know of) and am fairly useless at making good knots anyway, but if I could ascertain that that method works, I would do it.
I spent a couple days, inspired by threads on this very site, experimenting with a ratchet strap type of object, with and without knotted up socks, and that has also not been fruitful. Maybe a different type of object would be better to tape into the strap? Though I can occasionally find my carotid arteries, I can't seem to manage to compress them with anything but my fingers. With strap and socks I only seem to be able to hit the jugular. The strap is possibly too thin and doesn't tighten far enough. It would be an ideal method if I could get it to work. Maybe it will work if I only compress the jugular? The exploding head syndrome doesn't bother me much, actually. If someone were to tell me reliably that that's a secure way to ctb too, I would just try to bear with it.
I even prepared a bag, not an amazing one, but one that seems servicable. It's not see-through, which might be an issue.
I was hoping for a while to just put it on when I am very tired and ctb that way, but I think that's foolish now. There technically is some propane gas around I could be using with it, but if I do, I cannot fail because my father would notice the tank missing, so I have to be careful.
Pretty much the only drug I could possibly be buying is diphenhydramine, probably not in high enough doses to ctb directly though, and even if I could, I do not have access to any antiemetics (although I read that diphenhydramine itself also functions as an antiemetic? I'm not entirely sure), so I would just be using it and some alcohol to hopefully pass out while using the bag.
That is my list of methods and experiences. Thank you for reading through them, and if you have any advice, I would be grateful if you could relay it to me. What are your thoughts? What is my best shot? How should I proceed from here?
I'll answer any questions, of course.
I hope to ctb as soon as possible, though technically I have time. It will probably take a while.
A simple and short story for now:
The story of my almost successful attempt at partial suspension hanging.
One day in January, at six in the morning, quite impulsively after an emotional (online) confrontation, I went to my bathroom to execute the method I had practiced countless times before.
I would put on a turtleneck sweater, put my pre-prepared note into my pocket, slip my belt around my neck and secure the belt to the handle of my bathroom window, which is inlaid upon the slope of the roof. Standing up, this handle is at about the height of my collarbone.
So in my impulsive rush of emotions, and very tired from staying up all night, I hung. I passed out almost immediately, and without pain, didn't even notice until I woke up on the floor, feeling ants crawling under my skin, and in a puddle of my own piss. My leather belt had ripped. Whether just from my weight or my struggling, I can't be sure. The thing that hurt most after everything was my tongue, which I had bitten quite severely, everything else was negligable. I noticed a shallow cut on my hand a bit later.
Obviously I was in quite a bit of shock. I had never gotten that far before.
I quickly told my best friend everything, and she stayed with me, consoling me, that day. After that, she just became colder again, clearly believing my attempt was an attempt at manipulating her. That notion really, really hurt, but that's irrelevant right now.
In hindsight, I am just disappointed that I came that close without success, as I can't seem to replicate the same thing now. It would have been perfect. Nobody in my house came to 'save' me, I went unconscious quickly, it didn't hurt almost at all.
I hope I can find something that works securely soon, even without using the bathroom window's handle (I'm a bit scared it might break, it's not super stable).
I have a couple of methods lined up... I can use a different belt and hang from my bedroom door's handle, but that has not been going well in experiments so far. The pressure doesn't seem to be enough to make me pass out. I could possibly use the staircase's railing, but at night, my younger brother would probably notice me there, so I would only be able to do this during the day when I am home and my parents and brother are not. I haven't been able to experiment with that a lot, but it seems cramped and uncomfortable.
There technically is a place in the house where I could do full suspension hanging too, in the garage there is a hook meant to fasten a punching bag. I could only use that location during certain times of the day though, when my parents are at work and I am home, and I am also not sure that would work with a belt. I don't have access to a useful rope (that I know of) and am fairly useless at making good knots anyway, but if I could ascertain that that method works, I would do it.
I spent a couple days, inspired by threads on this very site, experimenting with a ratchet strap type of object, with and without knotted up socks, and that has also not been fruitful. Maybe a different type of object would be better to tape into the strap? Though I can occasionally find my carotid arteries, I can't seem to manage to compress them with anything but my fingers. With strap and socks I only seem to be able to hit the jugular. The strap is possibly too thin and doesn't tighten far enough. It would be an ideal method if I could get it to work. Maybe it will work if I only compress the jugular? The exploding head syndrome doesn't bother me much, actually. If someone were to tell me reliably that that's a secure way to ctb too, I would just try to bear with it.
I even prepared a bag, not an amazing one, but one that seems servicable. It's not see-through, which might be an issue.
I was hoping for a while to just put it on when I am very tired and ctb that way, but I think that's foolish now. There technically is some propane gas around I could be using with it, but if I do, I cannot fail because my father would notice the tank missing, so I have to be careful.
Pretty much the only drug I could possibly be buying is diphenhydramine, probably not in high enough doses to ctb directly though, and even if I could, I do not have access to any antiemetics (although I read that diphenhydramine itself also functions as an antiemetic? I'm not entirely sure), so I would just be using it and some alcohol to hopefully pass out while using the bag.
That is my list of methods and experiences. Thank you for reading through them, and if you have any advice, I would be grateful if you could relay it to me. What are your thoughts? What is my best shot? How should I proceed from here?
I'll answer any questions, of course.
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