Help My parents threatened me with suicide

[Zebulon]

I just came back from dinner with my parents (which is always torture). I get yelled at for being a failure as usual. But what makes this special is that for the first time my father told me if I either dont get my masters in time (which will be impossible) or CTB, he will end his life.
And my mother nodded along.

Which is extremly usual for my father. He never talked about self harm etc in any way before. He usually just tells me that I should CTB.
And my original plan was to CTB on the 27th or 28th, but since you cant extract fent from fent lollis, I need to postpone it to get some RC Opioids. Earliest new date would be mid January

But for the first time im unsure if CTB is even an option anymore.

I'm just so lost.
Should I still go through with it or not?
What would you do?

Thanks for reading

 

[Cheesecake]

part of me wonders if theyre threatening you to put you in "their shoes"? I dont know the full story so im not 100% shore
killing himself because you fail or because you DONT end ur life seems insanely crazy to me and from my pov it jsut seems like he might be saying it to scare you

if you want to ctb, thats your life and your choice, not theirs to control, but id try and find out if they were srs abt it. if i were in ur shoes and committed to the idea, id just keep doing what ive been doing. if he chooses to die, thats HIS choice and to base it off someone elses decision seems retarded to me

 

[Aim]

I just came back from dinner with my parents (which is always torture). I get yelled at for being a failure as usual. But what makes this special is that for the first time my father told me if I either dont get my masters in time (which will be impossible) or CTB, he will end his life.
And my mother nodded along.

Which is extremly usual for my father. He never talked about self harm etc in any way before. He usually just tells me that I should CTB.
And my original plan was to CTB on the 27th or 28th, but since you cant extract fent from fent lollis, I need to postpone it to get some RC Opioids. Earliest new date would be mid January

But for the first time im unsure if CTB is even an option anymore.

I'm just so lost.
Should I still go through with it or not?
What would you do?

Thanks for reading

I am sorry, i dont know what to say. Lost for words really. This is the worst i have read in a while! All i can say is that i am sorry with what you are dealing with.

 

[Burden_Bailey]

I am so sorry about this! I would go through with it. Maybe try to find another method??

 

[HollowDrop]

How dependent are you on your parents? They sound like people you should stop meeting up with altogether. No normal parent talks to their child like this, no mentally sane parent forces expectations on their child.
Like this. This is absolutely abusive towards you and if you are an adult you can make the choice to cut them off. Even if you are planning to CTB, at least do yourself the favor of not talking to them at all until the time comes. Parents like this are a disgrace.

 

[Zebulon]

Thanks for readning and for your support. It really means a lot to me. More than you can imagine. This board is the only place where I feel I can talk freely about my struggels without being judged <3

part of me wonders if theyre threatening you to put you in "their shoes"? I dont know the full story so im not 100% shore
killing himself because you fail or because you DONT end ur life seems insanely crazy to me and from my pov it jsut seems like he might be saying it to scare you

if you want to ctb, thats your life and your choice, not theirs to control, but id try and find out if they were srs abt it. if i were in ur shoes and committed to the idea, id just keep doing what ive been doing. if he chooses to die, thats HIS choice and to base it off someone elses decision seems retarded to me

Yep your right. I got a nights sleep (somewhat) and think its a scare tactic and tbh, right now the numbness of existence came back and im back on track.

I am so sorry about this! I would go through with it. Maybe try to find another method??

Right now im researching where I can find good RC opioids. Some of them are stronger than fent. Should take me around 3 weeks i think. My only problem is, that I have a lot of Events I need to attent in january, so other people dont get suspicious.

How dependent are you on your parents? They sound like people you should stop meeting up with altogether. No normal parent talks to their child like this, no mentally sane parent forces expectations on their child.
Like this. This is absolutely abusive towards you and if you are an adult you can make the choice to cut them off. Even if you are planning to CTB, at least do yourself the favor of not talking to them at all until the time comes. Parents like this are a disgrace.

TL;DR sadly somewhat dependent.

Longer version: You only get accepted for my masters if you are in the top 1% from the bachelor graduates. I only managed top 2,5%.
So I worked to save some money, took loans and started my masters.
Problem is, the one state loan is depend on your income from you parents. Basically if your parents are have a high income you dont get it, because the state assumes that you get support from your parents. Trough some bureaucracy shenanigans I mangaed to get it for 1 1/2 Years. After that I'm sadly depened on my parents for money. (Simply working more doesnt work, because I have mandatory attendance and the sate wont allow me to earn more than x amount of money in a year)