Venting My parents ruined my life

[ctoan]

yeah i know .... take responsibility for your own life blalablala


but the cold reality is:


there are two deciding factors in your life that coin pretty much most of it


1. genetics

2. upbringing


both are not in my responsibility


my parents fucked up the first and the second part big time.


some people just shouldnt get children. and with some i mean all

 

[Final Escape]

yeah i know .... take responsibility for your own life blalablala


but the cold reality is:


there are two deciding factors in your life that coin pretty much most of it


1. genetics

2. upbringing


both are not in my responsibility


my parents fucked up the first and the second part big time.


some people just shouldnt get children. and with some i mean all

For me it was upringing and the education system. I was totally unprepared for adulthood.

 

[Schopenhauer]

I can only blame myself, really. My psychological makeup is not fit for this world. In the end it's all down to genetics + random developmental noise.

 

[Final Escape]

I can only blame myself, really. My psychological makeup is not fit for this world. In the end it's all down to genetics + random developmental noise.

I doubt it's your phsycological makeup, it's probably more to do with what type of environment you are in.

 

[ctoan]

are there any identical twins who got seperated by birth study on this?

 

[Schopenhauer]

I doubt it's your phsycological makeup, it's probably more to do with what type of environment you are in.

I've gone through many different environments. Society in general doesn't suit me. Tweaking my circumstances, I've managed to improve my well-being (that's why I've lasted this long), but it's still not a good existence.

 

[Schopenhauer]

are there any identical twins who got seperated by birth study on this?

The three laws of behavioral genetics:

1. All human behavioral traits are heritable.
2. The effect of being raised in the same family is smaller than the effect of genes.
3. A substantial portion of the variation in complex human behavioral traits is not accounted for by the effects of genes or families.

Source: https://www.jstor.org/stable/20182656

The so-called non-shared environment is the most powerful influence, actually, but it's non-directional. See also: http://slatestarcodex.com/2016/03/16/non-shared-environment-doesnt-just-mean-schools-and-peers/

 

[ctoan]

The three laws of behavioral genetics:

1. All human behavioral traits are heritable.
2. The effect of being raised in the same family is smaller than the effect of genes.
3. A substantial portion of the variation in complex human behavioral traits is not accounted for by the effects of genes or families.

Source: https://www.jstor.org/stable/20182656

The so-called non-shared environment is the most powerful influence, actually, but it's non-directional. See also: http://slatestarcodex.com/2016/03/16/non-shared-environment-doesnt-just-mean-schools-and-peers/

so its mostly genes


kinda relieving


i never had a chance

 

[Mr2005]

Same. They gave me this face and then didn't help me fix it. Instead sending me to the mental health mob who fed me pills and told me I was crazy

 

[ctoan]

Same. They gave me this face and then didn't help me fix it. Instead sending me to the mental health mob who fed me pills and told me I was crazy

whats wrong with your face

 

[Roph]

Same. They killed me proverbially before I did it literally.

 

[Pastdue]

The sad truth is that if you are a child with mental illness you are doubly buggered.

Let me explain. Firstly you have to deal with your own mental illness. I had mental illness as a child, I was at boarding school and I couldn't sleep and I was self harming. I didn't know it was mental illness because I was so young, all I knew is that I wasn't like the other children.

But on top of dealing with your own issues you will most likely receive no help, left to deal with it and be in a worse situation than other normal children because one of your parents who passed on their mental illness genes will not be able to be a good parent to you. In this case it was my father, he was busy having mental breakdowns and flying around the world chasing fancy dreams leading to more mental breakdowns. I didn't receive any help because everyone was too preoccupied making sure he got the help he needed. He was too busy making himself happy to care what problems his daughter had. Sadly, my mother was too busy catering to my father to grant me much attention.

Whereas if you have parents who are stable and mentally healthy they are more likely to recognise if a child needs help, pay attention to that child and get it the help it needs.

It's sad but true.

 

[undertherainbow]

My parents were abused by their parents and my parents abused me. When I was in high school, my dad told me that he didn't know how to love me and that he was sorry. Just a few months ago, he laughed at me because my baby died. Lifes a bitch.

Edit to elaborate:
But I guess what I'm trying to say here is that upbringing is a lot of the reason why I'm the way I am. Mental illness or no. My students with doting, attentive parents are wasy more mentally stable.

 

[Miro]

I'm in my 40s and my parents ruined my life.

 

[BaconCheeseburger]

I can only blame myself, really. My psychological makeup is not fit for this world. In the end it's all down to genetics + random developmental noise.

This. The environment I grew up in was fine, it's me that's the real problem.

 

[lululoo]

Yep. My parents ruined my life. But apparently you are only allowed to blame your parents up to a certain age. At that point you must fix yourself. If you don't have whatever it takes to fix your self and your life, then all of sudden it all becomes your fault. It's such crap. I have crap genes and had a crap upbringing and could never get the things that might fix it all for me. Now I'm 35 so it's all my fault and if I'm still angry I'm just a bitter loser. No one understands really except others in my position.

 

[Severen]

yeah i know .... take responsibility for your own life blalablala


but the cold reality is:


there are two deciding factors in your life that coin pretty much most of it


1. genetics

2. upbringing


both are not in my responsibility


my parents fucked up the first and the second part big time.


some people just shouldnt get children. and with some i mean all

So true. We are all slaves to causality. The take responsibility for your own life bullshit is just victim blaming from idiots, people who want to make you feel like shit and people who want to protect their ego. The Matrix Reloaded, nailed it 100%.

 

[Severen]

Yep. My parents ruined my life. But apparently you are only allowed to blame your parents up to a certain age. At that point you must fix yourself. If you don't have whatever it takes to fix your self and your life, then all of sudden it all becomes your fault. It's such crap. I have crap genes and had a crap upbringing and could never get the things that might fix it all for me. Now I'm 35 so it's all my fault and if I'm still angry I'm just a bitter loser. No one understands really except others in my position.

Sorry but to say that at certain age, it's all your fault is like saying after a certain amount of dominoes falling, the previous dominoes are absolved from responsibility.

 

[Vegrau]

yeah i know .... take responsibility for your own life blalablala


but the cold reality is:


there are two deciding factors in your life that coin pretty much most of it


1. genetics

2. upbringing


both are not in my responsibility


my parents fucked up the first and the second part big time.


some people just shouldnt get children. and with some i mean all

Whomever said our life our responsibility is fking shallow. Our lives is out of our control most of the time. Because its interconnected with other people too. Someone with a gun. Drunk driver. Our boss. Our goverment. Someone with bad intent. Someone who is irresponsible. Those people's decisions affecting lives. Our lives whether we like it or not. Accept it or not

Like how irresponsible parents mess up their childrens lives. They didnt asked to be born. So why should they be responsible for the lives they never wanted to begin with? There is no justice in that.

 

[Severen]

Whomever said our life our responsibility is fking shallow. Our lives is out of our control most of the time. Because its interconnected with other people too. Someone with a gun. Drunk driver. Our boss. Our goverment. Someone with bad intent. Someone who is irresponsible. Those people's decisions affecting lives. Our lives whether we like it or not. Accept it or not

Like how irresponsible parents mess up their childrens lives. They didnt asked to be born. So why should they be responsible for the lives they never wanted to begin with? There is no justice in that.

Yep, tomorrow a drunk driver could run over your ankles and your life will go down a certain path no matter what...

 

[Severen]

I can only blame myself, really. My psychological makeup is not fit for this world. In the end it's all down to genetics + random developmental noise.

You can only blame yourself? So you picked your psychological makeup, your genetics, your parents as a god and said "LET ME BE BORN!" and voila, you were born into this world? Your mom suddenly became pregnant and 9 months later, you crawled out?

 

[lululoo]

Sorry but to say that at certain age, it's all your fault is like saying after a certain amount of dominoes falling, the previous dominoes are absolved from responsibility.

ha! Great analogy. I agree. It makes no sense.
Age 18 minus a day: you poor thing, your parents traumatized you, you need support, it's not your fault.
Age 18: Take ownership of your life, your parents are irrelevant, it's all in your hands!
Of course people don't make the cut off that stark so it justifies it in their mind. i.e. they don't pick one exact domino where it starts to count. They just have a vague sense that beyond a certain general number, it doesn't count.
But it all counts! It counted when I was two and it counts now. It changed my brain and my personality. I have fought and fought to become normal but I just couldn't.

 

[MsM3talGamer]

My parents were so abusive that if CPS had existed in my country, they would have taken me away. Instead I endured 18 years of physical, emotional and psychological torture. Both fuckers crushed my soul and spit it out. I died a long time ago inside and my body is finally catching up. So many shitheads should never be allowed to procreate, full-stop.

 

[Severen]

ha! Great analogy. I agree. It makes no sense.
Age 18 minus a day: you poor thing, your parents traumatized you, you need support, it's not your fault.
Age 18: Take ownership of your life, your parents are irrelevant, it's all in your hands!
Of course people don't make the cut off that stark so it justifies it in their mind. i.e. they don't pick one exact domino where it starts to count. They just have a vague sense that beyond a certain general number, it doesn't count.
But it all counts! It counted when I was two and it counts now. It changed my brain and my personality. I have fought and fought to become normal but I just couldn't.

Yeah, read about Henry Lee Lucas's childhood. He had no chance whatsoever of being a normal person...he was destined to be who he was...it was his part to play in this movie.

 

[Vegrau]

You can only blame yourself? So you picked your psychological makeup, your genetics, your parents as a god and said "LET ME BE BORN!" and voila, you were born into this world? Your mom suddenly became pregnant and 9 months later, you crawled out?

Praise the fking lord.

 

[gnrluver0105]

It's always your parents, your family, that dictates your life and future, some people don't even have a chance, aside that, there is genetics also...

 

[stargazer]

In some ways they also continue to ruin mine, but then if I lived with housemate's, I would have the same problems. Too many darn people to interrupt me. It's as bad as having a nosy land lady. Fudge.

 

[Journeytoletgo]

I have to agree. Playing with the gamble of genetics in this bullying culture. It isn't fair and they want me to continue no matter what? Nothing but resentment towards family and extended relatives