Venting My parents are now saying I don't make enough effort to get better from depression

[KillingPain267]

That I shouldn't just lie down in my room most of the day.

But I literally see no reason to live. Fighting mental battles while "going out there" seem meaningless. It just hurts to go out and meet people or do normal things. It's like fighting for Berlin in the spring of 1945. It's meaningless at that point. But they don't get it.

 

[Alpenglow]

Depression makes doing anything really difficult and I'm sorry they don't see that. Do you have anyone online to reach out to? Something to do while waiting for the bus.

 

[Ichigo]

That I shouldn't just lie down in my room most of the day.

But I literally see no reason to live. Fighting mental battles while "going out there" seem meaningless. It just hurts to go out and meet people or do normal things. It's like fighting for Berlin in the spring of 1945. It's meaningless at that point. But they don't get it.

"like fighting for Berlin in the spring of 1945" is certainly a interesting comparison I would never thought to make before. You a history buff?

 

[KillingPain267]

"like fighting for Berlin in the spring of 1945" is certainly a interesting comparison I would never thought to make before. You a history buff?

It could be any war where a rational analysis of war supplies would give the conclusion that capitulation is inevitable.

 

[Ichigo]

It could be any war where a rational analysis of war supplies would give the conclusion that capitulation is inevitable.

Hm... I see.
I just got interested if you were into history.

 

[KillingPain267]

Hm... I see.
I just got interested if you were into history.

Yes, I love history.

 

[Worndown]

We should all spend more time reading histories. Our current political climate should require all to be more informed.

Have your family members overcome depression themselves? Do they know how it works?

I am sorry they are uninformed.

 

[ShatteredSerenity]

That I shouldn't just lie down in my room most of the day.

But I literally see no reason to live. Fighting mental battles while "going out there" seem meaningless. It just hurts to go out and meet people or do normal things. It's like fighting for Berlin in the spring of 1945. It's meaningless at that point. But they don't get it.

As a parent I can understand where they might be coming from, I've had to coax my teens out of some slumps before.

As someone who suffers severe depression, I also understand how hard it is to do anything when you're at a low point. When I'm this depressed everything makes me miserable. My therapist kept insisting on exercise, so I tried that and I felt miserable with zero improvement. They nudged me into doing social activities, that also made me miserable (I'm autistic, which also doesn't help). I tried a lot of things, but I end up feeling like I'm not "normal enough" for anything to work.

I hope there are things you do still feel engaged with, and you can do that and maybe branch out from there. When I wasn't depressed I could be full of energy and I had a lot of great experiences in life. Not everything will necessarilly help the depression, but anything that does help is valuable. One of my greatest regrets in life is not treating my depression more seriously.

 

[dragonofenvy]

That I shouldn't just lie down in my room most of the day.

But I literally see no reason to live. Fighting mental battles while "going out there" seem meaningless. It just hurts to go out and meet people or do normal things. It's like fighting for Berlin in the spring of 1945. It's meaningless at that point. But they don't get it.

A lot of people don't understand it unless they've experienced it. My parents tried getting me model planes (that I didn't ask for and wasn't interested in) to assemble and painting my bedroom a new color as ways to cure my depression. I was 11 back then and they never understood that there were external problems they just thought I was having a phase.

It's a shame that parents, particularly older ones like mine, don't quite understand mental health, and to be fair I don't blame them for it. I just wish they'd be a bit more understanding that when I say that getting up just to eat breakfast takes almost all of my energy and willpower they'd believe it. Sadly, most people chalk it up to you being lazy or something. It really sucks and I'm sorry your parents are giving you shit for how you're feeling right now. It seems to be a common story I hear from people my age.

 

[KillingPain267]

We should all spend more time reading histories. Our current political climate should require all to be more informed.

Have your family members overcome depression themselves? Do they know how it works?

I am sorry they are uninformed.

My dad has bipolar, and he didn't actually say much to me, so I think he knows a little how depression and suicidal ideation feels. But I don't talk to him about it in fear of him reporting me. I cannot trust absolutely anyone not anonymous with my suicidal thoughts/plans. That said, my mom is annoying in the sense that she has grown up in poverty and abuse, which is horrible, but since she was lucky not to have become catatonic, develop derealization, nor addiction, nor even anxiety or PTSD, she is just naturally very resilient. But since she cannot put herself in other's shoes, that other people may be different despite experiencing the same, it's hard to talk about it with her. The idea that some brains don't develop PTSD from something like war, while others do, is foreign to some. Many people think we are all the same, so if I survive war, you should have been able too.

But eventually they will be faced with a phone call from paramedics that I was found dead. Then they'll see how resilient they are, and if they can just go to work, or endure even just a bus ride without tears flowing down the cheeks, or if they feel meaningfulness in exercising or how easy it to just "take a walk, you'll feel better". I hope they will hear that "advice" thrown at them for an entire year until they wanna punch their therapist in the face.

I don't wanna punish them, I'll write a sweet suicide letter. But I just don't want to fight anymore either. Nothing works to make me better. It's time for capitulation.

 

[SVEN]

I guess they care for you, don't quite know how they can help and are frustrated at their inability to improve your situation.

 

[Mirrory Me]

You are doing the best you can, but your parents feel that they can't help you with that- so they are trying to push you to take more responsibility. Don't be so hard on yourself, you need to figure what works best for you before you can impress anyone else.

 

[dontwakemeup]

That I shouldn't just lie down in my room most of the day.

But I literally see no reason to live. Fighting mental battles while "going out there" seem meaningless. It just hurts to go out and meet people or do normal things. It's like fighting for Berlin in the spring of 1945. It's meaningless at that point. But they don't get it.

I think parents simply don't understand. Of course they will try to help you because they love you. Even if you try to explain, they still won't understand you.

What helps me is making excuses people do understand that buys me time alone. I'll say I have a migraine, flu, bronchitis, pneumonia or whatever comes to mind. People can sympathize with that and it buys you some time alone.

I'm really sorry you have to deal with this. Hopefully, you can find some peace and some happiness today.

 

[KillingPain267]

I guess they care for you, don't quite know how they can help and are frustrated at their inability to improve your situation.

I have no doubt they care. But I also have no doubt that I cannot simply change my thoughts aside from drugs and alcohol which they obviously also condemn me from using.

 

[vercabow]

i get you man. any attempts in getting better has less success than 1945 germany in europe.

 

[KillingPain267]

As someone who suffers severe depression, I also understand how hard it is to do anything when you're at a low point. When I'm this depressed everything makes me miserable. My therapist kept insisting on exercise, so I tried that and I felt miserable with zero improvement. They nudged me into doing social activities, that also made me miserable (I'm autistic, which also doesn't help). I tried a lot of things, but I end up feeling like I'm not "normal enough" for anything to work.

Oh man, that sounds so familiar. THIS is why I spend time on this site: because now I know I'm not completely odd for feeling and being the way I am. Side note: I even mentioned to my mom that I tried to read on forums with other depressed people (I didn't mention suicidal), but she even condemned that and said they just give dumb advice like self-medicating with drugs and other stupid stuff. What she doesn't know is that, quite the contrary, reading what other sufferers say helps me not feel so alone. It's just frustrating, man. Because I know they mean well (not just parents), but then on the other hand, when people start getting angry at you for not improving, I am starting to doubt what they really want from me.

You are doing the best you can, but your parents feel that they can't help you with that- so they are trying to push you to take more responsibility. Don't be so hard on yourself, you need to figure what works best for you before you can impress anyone else.

I told them I am going to all the doctor's appointments and therapists they send me to try to get better. But then they even said "don't rely on pills".

Don't be so hard on yourself, you need to figure what works best for you before you can impress anyone else.

I've learned over time that no matter what I do I don't impress anyone enough, so I don't give a fuck anymore about impressing anyone. Maybe that's what they are mad about. In many areas I don't care about improving if it hurts. Why would I do something that just feels taxing when I'm already crushed to powder?

I think this means they are starting to sense that I have given up. I really gotta ramp up my ctb planning then before I get institutionalized.

What helps me is making excuses people do understand that buys me time alone. I'll say I have a migraine, flu, bronchitis, pneumonia or whatever comes to mind. People can sympathize with that and it buys you some time alone.

Good advice, thank you!