Venting My own actions have caged me in

[splashofvanilla]

I have just in the must certain terms fucked over my one opportunity to continue my college education i have just stopped working i no longer even show up.

i am angry at myself that i even decided to be a coward and decided to bend to the whims of my parents even when i knew i would fail and that in no time my depression would catch up with me.

They are hypocrites they talk about their feelings and how they are suffering but when it came to me they just told me i was a spycho and that depression doesnt exist that i an adult so i just gave in and told them what they wanted to hear told them i was just a stupid little boy who was having a bad time doing big boy math at college and i was having doubts at enrolling at such a hard university.

I cant every time i get this little feeling of hope that life isnt so shit i get hit by my past actions
Done when i wasnt thinking i was gonna live another day, i have lost all my friends on purpose as some sick way of making them not feel sad when i would die so i just started ignorign them but now it has just made me alone and even though i know that i cant for the love of god write them a simple message cause i know that right know i am more unstable than ever.

 

[ewigeruhe]

I can relate very much for me being alone is not hard and i am shy and introverted from nature. There was a time when i still had some gaming "friends" and i talked to them on TS but that is a long long time ago and even back then i didn't manage to connect really with anyone. Nowadays i don't even speak with my parents anymore and i don't even know really why that is. I am just trapped in my apathetic body with and i can't find a reason to continue.
A week ago i finnaly overcame my anxiety and apathy and went to the job center to apply for neetbux because otherwise i would be homeless in 3 months but now i am stressed out by all the demands and pressure.
I hope it get's better for you because it certainly is not for me.

 

[sourokraandfish]

It really is a fking vicious cycle. Plummeting straight back to the hole when those fleeting moments of joy and hope come to an end and yet I seem to not learn my lesson and keep idiotically clinging on to these glimpses knowing well how much it hurts afterward.

I also do not have anyone to talk to anymore as I have been ignoring my friends thinking I would do them a favor, which I still think is the right thing for me to do but I can't help but feel extremely lonely.

 

[FuneralCry]

I often think that having hope just leads to more suffering. If there is any kind of positive feeling it is just something to lose and cause us more pain. I know that this life can be torture when you suffer so much. It is sad how many people are trapped in such miserable lives. Some people really can be so insensitive.

To me it is invalidating to say that 'depression isn't real'. The suffering that we go through is certainly real and can impact our lives. It is best to take no notice of people who say things like that. I hope that you find relief from what you are going through.

 

[splashofvanilla]

I can relate very much for me being alone is not hard and i am shy and introverted from nature. There was a time when i still had some gaming "friends" and i talked to them on TS but that is a long long time ago and even back then i didn't manage to connect really with anyone. Nowadays i don't even speak with my parents anymore and i don't even know really why that is. I am just trapped in my apathetic body with and i can't find a reason to continue.
A week ago i finnaly overcame my anxiety and apathy and went to the job center to apply for neetbux because otherwise i would be homeless in 3 months but now i am stressed out by all the demands and pressure.
I hope it get's better for you because it certainly is not for me.

Thanks its a hellish cycle that i wish would end but the hole just gets deeper.

I often think that having hope just leads to more suffering. If there is any kind of positive feeling it is just something to lose and cause us more pain. I know that this life can be torture when you suffer so much. It is sad how many people are trapped in such miserable lives. Some people really can be so insensitive.

To me it is invalidating to say that 'depression isn't real'. The suffering that we go through is certainly real and can impact our lives. It is best to take no notice of people who say things like that. I hope that you find relief from what you are going through.

For me hope has been a lie that i tell myself to stop suffering, but as they say truth prevails and the mental gymnastics i do to justify the cruelty of the world fall apart at times. I get some sort of sick relief peeling away this lies and seeing the world for what it is.

Thanks i needed to know that i was not so crazy for having hope even though it hurts amd leaves after a small amount of time.

I often think that having hope just leads to more suffering. If there is any kind of positive feeling it is just something to lose and cause us more pain. I know that this life can be torture when you suffer so much. It is sad how many people are trapped in such miserable lives. Some people really can be so insensitive.

To me it is invalidating to say that 'depression isn't real'. The suffering that we go through is certainly real and can impact our lives. It is best to take no notice of people who say things like that. I hope that you find relief from what you are going through.

For me hope has been a lie that i tell myself to stop suffering, but as they say truth prevails and the mental gymnastics i do to justify the cruelty of the world fall apart at times. I get some sort of sick relief peeling away this lies and seeing the world for what it is.

Thanks i needed to know that i was not so crazy for having hope even though it hurts amd leaves after a small amount of time.

 

[Klophy]

I can relate, i was pushed into going to uni which led to my breakdown. Wish i had the courage to stand up for myself then because it was all downhill from there.

Yeah, thoughts of my past come rushing back whenever they can, always dragging me down.

 

[Tmbass]

wow this is eerily relatable. Really does suck being pushed into something you know you can't do but pressure completely screws us and we do it anyway.
Lonely, sad, overwhelmed. Your fault or not it's just unfair having to exist through it.