Just posting from the discord. Really felt it captured the essence of my suffering.
Why do I have to have anxiety and have the burden of initiating EVERY time with people. I go out of my way to form relationships but it expected of me in EVERY relationship to keep initiating with no reciprocation whatsoever. I'm not relatively attractive, confident, or intelligent enough to have a natural allure to people so at what point will the dozens of people I show interest in just have the common decency to initiate once with me. I'm not asking for intimacy or even friendship, just fucking company. Fuck these people who don't have any bit of human empathy or even sympathy to do something kind that might take the slightest effort.
It only takes one fucking person to say "hey, do you wanna hang out" and my entire month is lifted. I'm not saying I deserve this decency but for fucks sake why do I have to do it every single time.
And then I'm the selfish one when I commit suicide even though none of you even wanted to take 20 minutes out of your day to go across the street and get a free meal at the dining hall with me. Its selfish to die but yet it isn't selfish to completely disregard someone else's existence when it doesn't suit you entirely.
I think this is what I've always wanted to say. Thanks for reading.
Why do I have to have anxiety and have the burden of initiating EVERY time with people. I go out of my way to form relationships but it expected of me in EVERY relationship to keep initiating with no reciprocation whatsoever. I'm not relatively attractive, confident, or intelligent enough to have a natural allure to people so at what point will the dozens of people I show interest in just have the common decency to initiate once with me. I'm not asking for intimacy or even friendship, just fucking company. Fuck these people who don't have any bit of human empathy or even sympathy to do something kind that might take the slightest effort.
It only takes one fucking person to say "hey, do you wanna hang out" and my entire month is lifted. I'm not saying I deserve this decency but for fucks sake why do I have to do it every single time.
And then I'm the selfish one when I commit suicide even though none of you even wanted to take 20 minutes out of your day to go across the street and get a free meal at the dining hall with me. Its selfish to die but yet it isn't selfish to completely disregard someone else's existence when it doesn't suit you entirely.
I think this is what I've always wanted to say. Thanks for reading.
