My note: a draft

[DeathIsTheWayOut99]

Dear Whoever reads this,
My name is XXXX XXXX. This decision I have chosen to make is a result of being used as a doll for the entirety of my life. Many people claim that we are all worthy of love and acceptance. That God created us and loves us, or that everyone one of us is just special. Though, I don't think that was meant for me

As a young child, I was forced into a world of evil. A world where my abusive mom named XXX XXX existed. A world where my father XXX XXX was neglectful, a world where my brother XXX XXX had it better. A world where my whole family dynamic was abusive. Though, some people can say that they had rouge in their neighbors. But that didn't happen either. One of my neighbors XXXX XXXX told me to simply go back home after I told her my mother abused me horribly

And maybe some of you might think "well school was surly better?". However, again, I was not created to be happy because it was there that I was abused verbally and physically by both students and teachers. And whenever I "used my voice" I was always put down and told it was my fault

The same was for high school. The same was even for college where I was sexually assaulted by XXXX XXXX. I told XXX XXXX who told me "to just stay there and act like XXXX XXXX doesn't exist!" I was also bullied in college by various students as well. I remember one time I didnt wear any shoes while walking outside my dorm. I dont know why, just didnt. And I was laughed by my co workers. oNe time I was in a rush and didnt wear any underwear under my gown. I know student. But some girls snickers and whispers "pantes" next to me. Feels good to ge that off my chest

Anyone reading this and thinking I am a pansy and an idiot, do comment and speak your mind. I will be dead anyways. And when I die I do not want a funeral. I do not want people to suddenly feel guilty and have a "change of heart" that is only fake. I want to be forgotten and unloved as I always was. Instead, everyone one you who hurt can go fuck yourselves. As for me, I hope death brings me the peace I always wanted

PS: I have done the liberty of leaving some of you all some suicide notes. Just figured I could pass on the hatred a bit more before I take the lounge of death. This is what all of you wanted anyways, right? I hope your happy your bitch doll committed suicide. Thanks

From: XXX XXX

 

[Isadeth]

I'm sorry you've had such a rough go of it. I personally believe it's healthy to write your anger out and expose abuse, whether mental, physical, emotional.

I just want to give you a hug because I can relate to your post and feel your pain and anger. I hope when/if you ctb you find the peace you deserve. ♡

And for what it's worth, none of the abuse was your fault. Xx

 

[DeathIsTheWayOut99]

I'm sorry you've had such a rough go of it. I personally believe it's healthy to write your anger out and expose abuse, whether mental, physical, emotional.

I just want to give you a hug because I can relate to your post and feel your pain and anger. I hope when/if you ctb you find the peace you deserve. ♡

And for what it's worth, none of the abuse was your fault. Xx

I wonder that. if it really wasn't my fault. It happen over and over and nobody ever protected me.

 

[Isadeth]

I wonder that. if it really wasn't my fault. It happen over and over and nobody ever protected me.

It's so common for the victim to wonder if it was their fault. Over and over we tell ourselves it was, especially if it has happened more than once. You know what? That's usually what happens when nobody protects us. Especially if they were supposed to (ex mom, dad, etc.). We trust the wrong people... that is of no fault of your own. This is also what happens when people downplay a trauma you try to open up about. I'm so sorry you went through that. I know for years I blamed myself for sexual assault. And like you, the trauma didn't just happen once. I even had a psychiatrist tell me one incident was my fault for "not seeing the signs" for being a "smart girl" smh. You're not to blame. The people that prey on others are.

 

[DeathIsTheWayOut99]

It's so common for the victim to wonder if it was their fault. Over and over we tell ourselves it was, especially if it has happened more than once. You know what? That's usually what happens when nobody protects us. Especially if they were supposed to (ex mom, dad, etc.). We trust the wrong people... that is of no fault of your own. This is also what happens when people downplay a trauma you try to open up about. I'm so sorry you went through that. I know for years I blamed myself for sexual assault. And like you, the trauma didn't just happen once. I even had a psychiatrist tell me one incident was my fault for "not seeing the signs" for being a "smart girl" smh. You're not to blame. The people that prey on others are.

Your psychiatrist sounds iike a peace of shit. You know, if the final draft, if I get there, I am going to reference a manga that inspired me to go down this path. Its called Narutaru/black star. About children who have all been abused be it by their parents, bullies, or other adults who didn't care. And in the end they use their anger to destroy the world and kill everyone

 

[melp]

About children who have all been abused be it by their parents, bullies, or other adults who didn't care. And in the end they use their anger to destroy the world and kill everyone

I think it's good that you're still angry with this world. You don't want to give up, do you? You write in a rather dramatic style. Your traumas are obvious to you. I may be wrong, but I see you wanting to continue facing your problems. You're angry, furious and desperate, but still seem to want to fight for yours.

Tell me if I'm wrong.

Ps.
What would I say, I don't want to make you sad. I'm always quite rough and direct. I never choose words for correctness.