Story My New Morphine Habit

[The.End]

Lately I've been abusing morphine more and more. I'm pretty new to the drug and I can see a serous addiction forming.

I take the drug by injecting it into my veins. I never thought I would take a drug like morphine (which is practically like heroin, addiction wise) let alone injecting it like some sort of junkie.

The reason I do it is because I need an escape from reality and I don't really care about myself anymore. I was already supposed to be dead by now but I haven't had what it takes to CTB yet.

When I shoot the morphine into a vein, within seconds it reaches my heart and I feel this incredibly intense rush come over my whole body. That intense rush only last a couple seconds and I'm left with a calm, euphoric feeling. At that point, it's like all my worries and problems go away and nothing matters anymore. Unfortunately that feeling doesn't last too long, only around 20 - 30 mins. Funny thing is, during that short time, I'm no longer suicidal. I just want to feel that euphoric feeling all day everyday,

The rest of the night I'm left in this half sleep, half awake state. Its hard to explain, morphine has this intense Psychoactive effect on my brain which is actually my favourite part.

For example, while I'm lying in bed trying to fall asleep, I sometimes look at my phone to check the time and usually an hour or so has past since I last checked but during the time I honestly have no idea if I was actually awake or asleep for that hour. Its like I'm stuck I between both worlds. I'm like that the whole night in till I finally do fall asleep around 5 - 6am.

I'm not sure why I like that Psychoactive feeling, it like my mind opens up and I can see the true me. Its hard to explain, sort of like I can see into my subconscious mind. But just like a dream I won't remember any of it, except knowing that I experienced something strange.

The reason I keep taking morphine every night is not so much for that euphoric feeling but more because I want to see that "true" me again so that I can further explore my subconscious mind. Also I'm depressed as fuck and I just need to feel something different.

Unfortunately if I keep going this way, I'm going to get seriously addicted within a few weeks and from what I hear, opiate withdraws are no joke.

On the other hand, I have nothing to live for and I all I can think about is ctb. I don't want to get addicted but it's like, what do I have to lose?

If I end up getting addicted and don't end up ctb, then I am truly FUCKED.

Thank you for reading, I hope it wasn't too long and/or boring haha. I just needed to tell somebody what I've been going through and get it off my chest.

Btw I have been considering morphine overdose as a suicide method but I am worried it might fail because I've built up a tolerance.

 

[SinisterKid]

I have been amazed at how cheap opiates are on the dark net markets. I can understand anyone who is depressed enjoying the peace and calmness certain drugs can induce. I have 3 years of my life that are just a haze and I am not going back there. Although I was happier.

Please be careful though, addiction is no fun.

 

[RainAndSadness]

I also have a bottle of morphine laying around. I would love to try it out, I heard it's a great feeling. I'm sorry you're going through a potental addiction phase. I know that feeling from my cocaine use, it's one of the worst drugs when it comes to addiction. The drug is also very euphoric. And as you said, the addiction slowly builds up over time, so when you realize you're addicted it's ususally too late already. And breaking the addiction is really difficult. I also have the same thought process like you, like: what could I really lose, right? So why not have some fun while it lasts? It's not like I have any expectations of life anymore. I'm at the bottom already and pretty much done with my life. And if I can't take it anymore, I can simply leave. That's my mindset and it's harmful, of course. But I can relate to your situation a lot, it's very similiar here, despite taking a different drug.

 

[Morphinekiss]

Morphine is one drug I know I would be addicted to if I had the money/access. I go to the hospital for migraines/back pain atleast once a month and the minute they put it in my IV I get so happy. I get to just lay down and all the worries and stressors disappear while I contentedly watch people go by.

 

[Onomotopoeia]

I wish i had morphine i'd give that a go.

I feel kind of like you it's a dangerous slope especially if you decide to stick around.

Sometimes though feeling a little better for a little bit is all you really get.

I'm having a similar feeling with a much less fun substance. I am becoming an alcoholic at an alarming rate and until a few months ago I would have thought it not to be possible for me.

so I just told you i'm making bad decisions myself so I will just leave you with this for whatever it's worth after my last sentence.

That slide only goes down and the climb back up is hell so be careful.

 

[Ruffian]

Lately I've been abusing morphine more and more. I'm pretty new to the drug and I can see a serous addiction forming.

I take the drug by injecting it into my views. I never thought I would take a drug like morphine (which is practically like heroin, addiction wise) let alone injecting it like some sort of junkie.

The reason I do it is because I need an escape from reality and I don't really care about myself anymore. I was already supposed to be dead by now but I haven't had what it takes to CTB yet.

When I shoot the morphine into a vein, within seconds it reaches my heart and I feel this incredibly intense rush come over my whole body. That intense rush only last a couple seconds and I'm left with a calm, euphoric feeling. At that point, it's like all my worries and problems go away and nothing matters anymore. Unfortunately that feeling doesn't last too long, only around 20 - 30 mins. Funny thing is, during that short time, I'm no longer suicidal. I just want to feel that euphoric feeling all day everyday,

The rest of the night I'm left in this half sleep, half awake state. Its hard to explain, morphine has this intense Psychoactive effect on my brain which is actually my favourite part.

For example, while I'm lying in bed trying to fall asleep, I sometimes look at my phone to check the time and usually an hour or so has past since I last checked but during the time I honestly have no idea if I was actually awake or asleep for that hour. Its like I'm stuck I between both worlds. I'm like that the whole night in till I finally do fall asleep around 5 - 6am.

I'm not sure why I like that Psychoactive feeling, it like my mind opens up and I can see the true me. Its hard to explain, sort of like I can see into my subconscious mind. But just like a dream I won't remember any of it, except knowing that I experienced something strange.

The reason I keep doing morphine every night is not so much for that euphoric feeling but more because I want to see that "true" me again so that I can further explore my subconscious mind. Also I'm depressed as fuck and I just need to feel something different.

Unfortunately if I keep going this way, I'm going to get seriously addicted within a few weeks and from what I hear, opiate withdraws are no joke.

On the other hand, I have nothing to live for and I all I can think about is ctb. I don't want to get addicted but it's like, what do I have to lose?

If I end up getting addicted and don't end up ctb, then I am truly FUCKED.

Thank you for reading, I hope it wasn't too long and/or boring haha. I just needed to tell somebody what I've been going through and get it off my chest.

Btw I have been considering morphine overdose as a suicide method but I am worried it might fail because I've built up a tolerance.

When I first came on this site I used to run my mouth a lot about people not understanding drugs and how they work. I stopped for 2 reasons: #1 People are asking these questions because they're desperate AF, and that's why they're here, and #2 Even though I only referenced information easily available through a Google or whatever "hiding from the government" search engine someone could use, I don't want anything to be misconstrued as advice. As far as being a recreational morphine user - that stage doesn't last long. I've never had to experience excruciating withdrawals, but I've never heard anyone say it's a good thing. There are support forums and drug information forums It is widely known that opiates are good for depression and creative thinking - I think Oscar Wilde may have been into smoking opium. Anyway, tolerance will set in by about 2 weeks, and that's just a rough, rough estimate because everyone is different. Also, I don't know your whole situation, like how in hell did you actually get a vial of liquid morphine and teach yourself how to shoot up? Do you need it to manage pain? I am not judging your actions, just worried that if you need it medically, what will you do if it runs out?

 

[ImsooDone1N]

I've had an addiction to morphine, heroin, oxy, fentanyl... for many years. It initially worked fantastic as an antidepressant. It was also a huge confidence booster, probably the best anxiolytic I've ever used; and that rush & euphoria- so wonderful while Im high. The hours & hours spent nodding in & out of consciousness are something I will always love. I don't know how exactly, but after daily use for >5 years I somehow have managed to abstain from using opiates. The last time I used was over a month ago. I wish I wasn't a drug addict, because I know people who can occasionally use morphine or opiates. I can't seem to do that. I'm either all in, or clean & miserable (but less miserable than being strung out & needing it to function normally). It still is the best mood lift that I know of. If I still had some hope, I might fight to stay clean, but realistically I'm fucked & I doubt my clean streak will last much longer. But tread carefully as tolerance & dependence build fast (3-5days) and after a few days of regular use, I would get dopesick if I stopped. I can't count the hundreds of hours I've spent sick in fetal position, kicking, literally crawling in my skin. Common sense dictates that it would be insane for me to go back to using... yet I think about it every day. It's my own hell. It's heaven while I have it.. like a big warm hug. But w/out.. it's like a slap in the face. I also hate my track marks.

 

[quinn24]

I felt extremely content when I snorted or injected heroin

Its crazy to think about when I look back at it

 

[HGL91]

The one time I had morphine in the ER, I really hated how I felt, which was quite disappointing considering so many people like it.

I remember them giving me so much and I could barely lift my head and yet they wanted me to drag my body over from the gurney to the Cat Scan bed as if I had control over moving my body. Psh.

 

[Throwaway9787]

Opiate withdrawal is the WORST feeling you can imagine. The chills and the stomach pain, also the vomiting, it's just awful. Don't abuse it. Soon you'll be using heroin spiked with Fent or just fent mixed with sugar. Abusing fent makes you feel like you got hit in the head with a putter when you go into withdrawal. Just don't, and stop if you are.