Story My mother tried to kill me [and herself] when I was a child. I wish she'd succeeded.

[NearlyIrrelevantCake]

When I was 10yo, Mom dragged me thousands of miles away from where I grew up, so she could be closer to her family. It was just me, her, and my half-brother [referred to as HB from here on]. HB was 18yo and this was the only time I lived with him; it was only for a year.

This was the point where Mom stopped working because her lupus was getting too bad. Y'all know how horrendous it is trying to get on disability, so we were on welfare which is even less money to live on. We were in a one bedroom apartment. HB slept on a small cot in the kitchen, Mom and I shared a bed in the one bedroom.

I caught lice one time and it spread like wildfire [bad cliche to use atm?!] through the household. And ofc we all had long hair well past our shoulders, that sucks even more with lice. Mom tried to fix it cheap, just tons of combing and brushing and washing with water. She finally gave in and bought the medicated shampoo even though we couldn't afford it. Nothing worked, we had lice for months.

She just fucking snapped at one point and couldn't take it anymore. I guess it was obvious she was fucked up or maybe she told HB what she was going to do? because he physically restrained her and stopped her. She was going to take me downtown and drag both of us in front of a bus to kill us.

I guess she was only going to take me because HB was twice her size and already an adult. Easier to take the 10yo, y'know?

I wish HB hadn't stopped her. I wish I'd been killed before I became a cripple at 12yo.

Side note, Mom wanted to abort me when she was pregnant. My father forced her not to and always bragged to me that he saved my life. I hated him for that. I wish Mom was able to have bodily autonomy and had erased my existence before I was birthed.

 

[Overwhelmed52]

My mom was emotionally abusive and I often felt that she wished I was dead. She played favorites with my cousins and it's pretty clear that she regarded me as a loser and got other people to see me the same way. I also didn't get the kind of guidance or advice you need from a mom, and I ended up being a weird person. Maybe I would have been weird anyway, but I feel like her treatment of me really messed me up. I constantly, constantly feel ashamed of myself and it was only recently that I realized that's not the way it should be. And the annoying thing is that she won't let me go. I cut ties with her a while ago and she won't stop trying to contact me, and she calls people we know in common to have them check up on me and makes it sound as though I have mental problems and she's "worried" about me. A lot of this I can only guess at because it happens behind my back, but the rumors she spreads about me has made a lot of people distance themselves from me. I think deep down she'd like it if I died so she could have the drama of being a grieving mother, but while I'm alive she wants me under her thumb. It's awful because people give her the benefit of the doubt and assume that all mothers love their children, but that's really not the case.

I'm sorry for what you've gone through. It sounds really bad. Hugs to you!

 

[NearlyIrrelevantCake]

My mom was emotionally abusive and I often felt that she wished I was dead. She played favorites with my cousins and it's pretty clear that she regarded me as a loser and got other people to see me the same way. I also didn't get the kind of guidance or advice you need from a mom, and I ended up being a weird person. Maybe I would have been weird anyway, but I feel like her treatment of me really messed me up. I constantly, constantly feel ashamed of myself and it was only recently that I realized that's not the way it should be. And the annoying thing is that she won't let me go. I cut ties with her a while ago and she won't stop trying to contact me, and she calls people we know in common to have them check up on me and makes it sound as though I have mental problems and she's "worried" about me. A lot of this I can only guess at because it happens behind my back, but the rumors she spreads about me has made a lot of people distance themselves from me. I think deep down she'd like it if I died so she could have the drama of being a grieving mother, but while I'm alive she wants me under her thumb. It's awful because people give her the benefit of the doubt and assume that all mothers love their children, but that's really not the case.

I'm sorry for what you've gone through. It sounds really bad. Hugs to you!

I went no-contact with Mom about 8 years ago.

It was sudden, I just... stopped answering shit. Pretty easy to do when she lived 3,000mi away.

One day the cops showed up, asked if I was [Name] and checked my ID. Asked "Are you missing?" which still makes me chuckle a bit. I said no, I just didn't want to talk to her. That was that. They're not allowed to tell her where I am or give her my contact info, but they assured her I was fine.

To Mom's credit, she never tried to contact me after that. I also asked HB not to contact me unless/until Mom died and he respected that. He found me on FB in '20 and told me she had died of lung cancer.

 

[Overwhelmed52]

I went no-contact with Mom about 8 years ago.

It was sudden, I just... stopped answering shit. Pretty easy to do when she lived 3,000mi away.

One day the cops showed up, asked if I was [Name] and checked my ID. Asked "Are you missing?" which still makes me chuckle a bit. I said no, I just didn't want to talk to her. That was that. They're not allowed to tell her where I am or give her my contact info, but they assured her I was fine.

To Mom's credit, she never tried to contact me after that. I also asked HB not to contact me unless/until Mom died and he respected that. He found me on FB in '20 and told me she had died of lung cancer.

Wow. My mom totally pulls that kind of drama, too, but she does it more indirectly. It was at least good for you that your mom and HB did not continue to contact you (although the abuse you went through before was horrific). The fact that my mom won't stop interfering has made it nearly impossible to move on, and since she's good at manipulating people she has destroyed my relationships with most of the family and friends. The fact that your mom is gone should hopefully give you some release. It's unfortunate to have to say that (and I personally always wanted tight-knit and loving family) but I also wish more people understood that not every parent wants what's best for their kids.

I really hope something good comes your way.