Discussion My mood is like a light switch!

[HGL91]

One moment I'm planning for the future, and the next, I think about killing myself. My mood is like a light switch. It's so hard to function.

Anyone else have rapid mood shifts? I'm on 2 mood stabilizers and they are clearly not working....

 

[coma-baby]

I experience something similar, but with energy levels. Like one moment, I'll be preparing a list of things that I feel (in the moment) ready to tackle and get through like housework and that sort of thing.
And then the next moment, even getting up to use the bathroom feels like a herculean task.

I experience another thing that may be more similar to what you described. I refer to them as mood drops.
I'll be doing my own thing. Everything fine. Not great, but fine. Manageable. Then it's like the floor falls out from under my mood and everything is annoying or stressful or about to send me over the fucking edge crying or screaming. When a mood drop hits, I just want to sink into the floor and stop existing until it passes or becomes more manageable.

 

[pole]

Yeah, its a bitch to deal with. ill be happy as shit, then all of a sudden, i wanna jump off a bridge.

wish we just felt nothing at all and had constant neutral moods.

 

[HGL91]

I experience something similar, but with energy levels. Like one moment, I'll be preparing a list of things that I feel (in the moment) ready to tackle and get through like housework and that sort of thing.
And then the next moment, even getting up to use the bathroom feels like a herculean task.

I experience another thing that may be more similar to what you described. I refer to them as mood drops.
I'll be doing my own thing. Everything fine. Not great, but fine. Manageable. Then it's like the floor falls out from under my mood and everything is annoying or stressful or about to send me over the fucking edge crying or screaming. When a mood drop hits, I just want to sink into the floor and stop existing until it passes or becomes more manageable.

Very relatable. I know a lot of people experience this on this forum, but seeing it written out, as you just did is so helpful to me to hold on to life, and remember that I'm not the only person feeling this way. So if others can get through it, so can I.

Yeah, its a bitch to deal with. ill be happy as shit, then all of a sudden, i wanna jump off a bridge.

wish we just felt nothing at all and had constant neutral moods.

Been there with the neutral moods. It might actually be more hellish than mood swings.

I remember being super close to suicide when I tried to wean off my antidepressants during summer break from community college, and my pain receptors didn't work (Example: I could take an ice cold shower and my brain recognized the fact, "It's ice cold.", but didn't feel the need to jump away from the water), and I didn't feel any emotions, so it would have been super easy for me to CTB. I still had my memories and consciousness though, so I knew once I took an antidepressant, I could feel again. So I just went back to taking antidepressants and didn't CTB.

 

[Amz_Falls]

One moment I'm planning for the future, and the next, I think about killing myself. My mood is like a light switch. It's so hard to function.

Anyone else have rapid mood shifts? I'm on 2 mood stabilizers and they are clearly not working....

Have you looked into Borderline Personality Disorder? Not saying by any means you have it but that is one of its main symptoms along with being suicidal etc

 

[sanction]

I can relate. One day I'm planning for life/ future and optimistic, then the next day I'm totally feeling whats the point and how it isn't worth all the struggle and just rather CTB. It is an endless repeating cycle and torture. In the end, its definitely leaning way more towards CTB as the long-term solution. Best wishes to you

 

[burnedCookie]

I used to be like that, I could have mood swings for the tiniest reason or even no reason at all, like you said I could be full of hope in the morning an want to die in the evening, it went on for years, it was exhausting and it totally drained me over the years

then some years ago it started to spread out more and more, until it almost stopped and I stabilized....down
I still have some mood swings but it's much less violent and doesn't last long, now 95% of the time severe depression leads

 

[sanction]

I used to be like that, I could have mood swings for the tiniest reason or even no reason at all, like you said I could be full of hope in the morning an want to die in the evening, it went on for years, it was exhausting and it totally drained me over the years

then some years ago it started to spread out more and more, until it almost stopped and I stabilized....down
I still have some mood swings but it's much less violent and doesn't last long, now 95% of the time severe depression leads

How did you stabilize

 

[puppy9]

One moment I'm planning for the future, and the next, I think about killing myself. My mood is like a light switch. It's so hard to function.

Anyone else have rapid mood shifts? I'm on 2 mood stabilizers and they are clearly not working....

Same

 

[sanction]

Usually first thing in the morning, I wish I never woke up and rather not live. Then sometimes during mid day I feel like I need to have a fantastic life, and need to make plans, execute million dollar dreams and even give back to society and help the world to make life worthwhile, then by night time I try to come up with ways to CTB again lol. Its a torture cycle. I hope this is not an early sign of bipolar disorder?

 

[burnedCookie]

How did you stabilize

as you get older you no longer have enough energy for the switch process, especially the highs, it's really exhausting and it somewhat kills you in the long run
that's what my shrink explained to me and I tend to agree with her

 

[HGL91]

Usually first thing in the morning, I wish I never woke up and rather not live. Then sometimes during mid day I feel like I need to have a fantastic life, and need to make plans, execute million dollar dreams and even give back to society and help the world to make life worthwhile, then by night time I try to come up with ways to CTB again lol. Its a torture cycle. I hope this is not an early sign of bipolar disorder?

This!!! This was me yesterday!

Morning: Why am I awake? My head hurts. My stomach feels nauseous. I have no will to get up.

Afternoon: Jeez! I love HGTV! Maybe IIIII could flip houses or become a successful interior designer like my grandmother was!

Night: What's the point of anything? It all ends in eternal sleep anyway, and I won't remember any of it.

as you get older you no longer have enough energy for the switch process, especially the highs, it's really exhausting and it somewhat kills you in the long run
that's what my shrink explained to me and I tend to agree with her

Jeez. I feel like the highs are the only thing that keep me going...

 

[Numbtopain97]

same here .it's really exhausting .

 

[sanction]

same here .it's really exhausting .

Is this a sign of bipolar disorder?

 

[burnedCookie]

Jeez. I feel like the highs are the only thing that keep me going...

I understand so well and I used to think exactly the same. The problem with me is that with the years and the accumulated fatigue my body wasn't able to transform the energy into something positive anymore, I was starting to get angry for nothing and sometimes even mean to people, it had become something very negative and even more exhausting, I was literally on edge 24/24 when high, I was living on benzodiazepines and had to sedate myself just to be able to feel some relief

so when the highs started to calm down and gradually disappear it was definitely something positive for me, even if severe depression 24/24 is awful I still prefer that to all that unwanted dark energy

Is this a sign of bipolar disorder?

there is many "labels" for these symptoms, you could be diagnosed BD or BPD or even a mix of cluster B and C but it's just words, you can see 3 different therapists and en up with 3 different diagnostics, I know this firsthand, but yes, it could be a sign of BD

 

[HGL91]

@burnedCookie Yeah. Even when I see non psychiatric doctors, I wonder if they're just spewing words to make money, or if they actually know what's going on with my health. It's anxiety provoking when multiple doctors come up with varying diagnoses. It's like, who's right and who's wrong??

 

[Dutch]

I dont think it has to do with a disorder, it has probably to do with the fact that you are not 100% ready for it yet.
Has probably more to do with: if i get the right help or if something change in my life, then i could be oke again with less worries.

Been on this point to and after many years im now 100% sure what i want, also dont believe in any chances in my life anymore that could improve my life.
One day you will reach that day to.

 

[burnedCookie]

@burnedCookie Yeah. Even when I see non psychiatric doctors, I wonder if they're just spewing words to make money, or if they actually know what's going on with my health. It's anxiety provoking when multiple doctors come up with varying diagnoses. It's like, who's right and who's wrong??

It's sad to say but it's first and foremost a business and they have to classify people for insurances to work. So sometime some of them just take the easiest path.
My psychiatrist was summoned by insurances to do so after only 5 sessions even if she didn't really knew in which category to put me.

It's definitely just business so you should not take these diagnoses too seriously. I know it's easier said than done but if you do it could make you believe that you really are something when you are not. I think the most important is first of all to find ONE and just ONE good therapist-psychiatrist with who you can really talk and that you can trust, only then you can really start to work.

Again it's easier said than done but it's just my opinion as someone who has decades of experience in this field.

 

[Roberto]

One moment I'm planning for the future, and the next, I think about killing myself. My mood is like a light switch. It's so hard to function.

Anyone else have rapid mood shifts? I'm on 2 mood stabilizers and they are clearly not working....

I don't have mood stabilizers. Just antidepressants.
I don't know how is my mood. Could be the way you say.
I have 2 plans : killing myself & planning the future. I developed both. If one day I have a bad day, could be I would choose the plan B. For some months I haven't wanted too much to kill myself. Just a few moments.

 

[dreamsofdestruction]

Even worse, sometimes I think my mood is like a light switch other people have access to.