Story my mom once "suggested" i ctb

[cryvinglightning]

i periodically remember this, especially when i'm already in a bad mood. this happened when i was in my second year of highschool. she took away my phone after discovering i had a gf (she's homophobic, even if she insists she's not), so we got into a massive fight and i told her i would slit my wrists if it made her so happy.
then she went "fine, kill yourself if that's what you want. i'll even bring you somewhere where they can euthanize you so we'll all be happy."
i don't remember the exact phrasing, but the euthanasia thing is really vivid. i haven't talked to her or my dad about my real problems ever since, aside from my eating disorder which became very evident and couldn't be avoided.
i did remind her that she said this to me, but naturally she said she doesn't recall that and would never tell me something so heinous. but she did. and then she wonders why i keep to myself.

lately she's been pushing for me to go to therapy again because she's convinced it'll help our relationship, but i doubt it. i'm planning to move far away enough for her to not bother me anymore, but that's gonna take very long.
i never told anyone this story aside from my journal. it's good to get it out.

 

[Winter-War]

Dnr

 

[Rhizomorph1]

I'd recommend therapy more so your therapist can help you navigate how to cope with your homophobic, abusive, potentially narcissistic parent. A good parent would never encourage their child to ctb.

Moving away from her sounds like a good plan. If it's not feasible in the meantime, a therapist could at least allow you to "get it out" while you deal with her bs.

I found therapy helpful to cope while I was in a similar situation. Being bullied into it can make us not want to go for the wrong reasons. It should be an individual/personal decision.

It sounds like she needs therapy more than anything but I would for now just focus on what will help you in your situation. Setting boundaries, finding time and space to cope and get your mind off the stresses of the relationship, etc.

What's your relationship with dad like?

Sending hugs during this hard time <3

 

[cryvinglightning]

I'd recommend therapy more so your therapist can help you navigate how to cope with your homophobic, abusive, potentially narcissistic parent. A good parent would never encourage their child to ctb.

Moving away from her sounds like a good plan. If it's not feasible in the meantime, a therapist could at least allow you to "get it out" while you deal with her bs.

I found therapy helpful to cope while I was in a similar situation. Being bullied into it can make us not want to go for the wrong reasons. It should be an individual/personal decision.

It sounds like she needs therapy more than anything but I would for now just focus on what will help you in your situation. Setting boundaries, finding time and space to cope and get your mind off the stresses of the relationship, etc.

What's your relationship with dad like?

Sending hugs during this hard time <3

i was in therapy up until last year and my therapist also suggested i move away from her. but then life happened and i couldn't afford to pay it anymore. my mom is also considering the idea of getting into therapy under my suggestion, but it's still a monetary issue. ironically she recently suggested we go to therapy together. i don't feel like doing such a thing with her, though.

things with my dad have been weird for a while, especially these past few years. he lives a few towns over and i go visit him whenever i have time/feel like putting up with him lol. he does remember this particular fight with my mom, but he doesn't have constructive advice on how to deal with her, so i mostly just tune him out.

thank you for the hugs, i'm returning them all. i'm positive things will look up for me, you, and everyone struggling on this forum. <33

 

[Rhizomorph1]

I'm sorry to hear that there's a monetary barrier. Therapy should really be available for those who need it. There may be some queer-focused therapies with coverage depending on your jurisdiction, but just food for thought.

Considering that your mom's behaviour is the issue, going to therapy together might not do much for you. It could help her see to her own issues though, as I'm sure the therapist would see that she is homophobic and poorly communicative and may gently encourage her to be more accepting (most therapists are required to do some form of LGBTQ2A+ competency training and are usually allies). But, if your gut tells you not to do it, then don't put yourself through the stress of it just so she can gain some self awareness.

Do what's best for you. I'm incredibly frustrated to hear of the way she treats you, regardless

 

[MidnightCat]

I'm sorry that happened. I... Do have experience with people who "forgets/denies" what they said.

It's hard. Try to leave as far as you can when you get the possibility.