Venting My mom called me “abusive”

[sserafim]

My mom called me "abusive". She says that I never do what she tells me to do and that if my dad were here or if he told me to do it, I would do it right away. She says that I've fallen apart and completely collapsed after college. She says that the me of now is worse than the me of last year who is worse than the me of the previous year. She says that I've regressed and degenerated. She says that I'm "lazy", lack discipline and good habits and spend my whole day in bed. She says that I "do nothing" and that I need to "do something". She knows about my ADHD and executive dysfunction, but she says that she has executive dysfunction too.

She said that it's difficult to get NEETbux or disability in America because it requires an IQ of less than 70 and mine is 120. She says that other autistic people are working, so why can't I? She told me that she doesn't want to help me anymore and told me to go live overseas with my dad. She said that maybe he would help me shape up. She says that I'm like a "loose bundle of clay that needs to be molded into shape"

 

[derpyderpins]

She might be feeding you, but when it comes to your executive dysfunction, she's doing anything but helping ... She's watering you but keeping you in the shade when you need sun.

I'm an outsider. I have no reason to think she's purposefully malicious, and she probably does care deep down, but it's clear her way of addressing the issue is not helping.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

Does your mom know what the word "abusive" means? Seriously, why do parents keep on calling their children shit, like abusive, manipulative, and cunning for things that don't even fall under that definition?

 

[sserafim]

She might be feeding you, but when it comes to your executive dysfunction, she's doing anything but helping ... She's watering you but keeping you in the shade when you need sun.

I'm an outsider. I have no reason to think she's purposefully malicious, and she probably does care deep down, but it's clear her way of addressing the issue is not helping.

I'm an orchid child

Does your mom know what the word "abusive" means? Seriously, why do parents keep on calling their children shit, like abusive, manipulative, and cunning for things that don't even fall under that definition?

No, I don't think so. If anything, *she's* the abusive one. My dad is abusive too but he lives in another country so I never see him lol

 

[Optimu$]

Although I can see why your mum is saying these things or isn't offering any practical solutions and will just make you dog your heels on even more. Most likely it would take you getting a few jobs and getting fired for your mental health disorders before perhaps she'd see that you really do struggle to function in the working world.
Why don't you at least try to get disability or welfare benefits and see if you might qualify for anything, just don't get your hopes up too high. And if you did end up having to work then mate notes of areas you really struggle in so that you can perhaps present your case again for assessment because you should ideally find out if and why you struggle before you just automatically write it off. If you were able to function in the working world then you might even feel a little better during the day but if not then you've obtained useful knowledge to help make your case.
@sserafim

 

[lkjhgfdsa1]

We basically live the same neet life
Except my mom does not care whether I'm "productive" or not

 

[sserafim]

We basically live the same neet life
Except my mom does not care whether I'm "productive" or not

Lucky. My mom says that I'm not actually disabled because I "don't lack arms and don't lack legs" and that I'm physically healthy. She thinks that I'm just lazy and she's trying to force me to be productive. She says that I'm not doing what I'm supposed to do. She wants me to become a productive and well-adjusted member of society and whenever I mention that I have neurodivergences, she says that most ND people are working and supporting themselves. I wish that she would just let me NEET in peace

 

[derpyderpins]

I'm an orchid child

Difficult to take care of, but even if you think it's too late, don't throw it out, because it can always recover and bloom beautifully again.

Paraphrase, but seems right.

 

[Dark Moon]

My mum doesn't care if I'm productive or not, she accepted my conditions a long time ago but she's insisted multiple times that I'm good looking, I don't know if it's because of that as well.

 

[sserafim]

My mum doesn't care if I'm productive or not, she accepted my conditions a long time ago but she's insisted multiple times that I'm good looking, I don't know if it's because of that as well.

I'm also good looking but my mom is Asian so she expects me to work hard and shit lol

 

[Throwawayacc3]

My mom called me "abusive". She says that I never do what she tells me to do and that if my dad were here or if he told me to do it, I would do it right away. She says that I've fallen apart and completely collapsed after college. She says that the me of now is worse than the me of last year who is worse than the me of the previous year. She says that I've regressed and degenerated. She says that I'm "lazy", lack discipline and good habits, and spend my whole day in bed. She says that I "do nothing" and that I need to "do something". She knows about my ADHD and executive dysfunction, but she says that she has executive dysfunction too.

She said that it's difficult to get NEETbux or disability in America because it requires an IQ of less than 70 and mine is 120. She says that other autistic people are working, so why can't I? She told me that she doesn't want to help me anymore and told me to go live overseas with my dad. She said that maybe he would help me shape up. She says that I'm like a "loose bundle of clay that needs to be molded into shape"

Gas lighting - she calls you abusive but she and her husband did the abusing.
Projecting - she wants you to be her and exceed her so throws all her life onto you.
Denial - she claims to be clever because she has lots of resources (sometimes even people who are thick as shit have resources through grifting and getting "lucky" which the odds were extremely low percentage wise but it happened) and because she can't "see" the disability it means it doesn't exist. Next she will be telling a girl with Down syndrome just to put make up on - it sounds so out field and ridiculous but this is how she is.

Basically - she's a twat of a human.

 

[sserafim]

Gas lighting - she calls you abusive but she and her husband did the abusing.
Projecting - she wants you to be her and exceed her so throws all her life onto you.
Denial - she claims to be clever because she has lots of resources (sometimes even people who are thick as shit have resources through grifting and getting "lucky" which the odds were extremely low percentage wise but it happened) and because she can't "see" the disability it means it doesn't exist. Next she will be telling a girl with Down syndrome just to put make up on - it sounds so out field and ridiculous but this is how she is.

Basically - she's a twat of a human.

My mom doesn't claim to be clever though. She always says that she's not as smart as me. She did attend of the top universities in China (Peking University) but she attributed it to hard work. She said that dumb birds fly first

 

[Throwawayacc3]

My mom doesn't claim to be clever though. She always says that she's not as smart as me. She did attend of the top universities in China (Peking University) but she attributed it to hard work. She said that dumb birds fly first

Yeah I mean in the sense of superiority. She's "clever" because look what she amounted to. However you throw her in todays climate - economically, socially, etc - she'd be homeless on the streets.

That's why she hard work. You can work hard and be fired just like that. But you worked hard right? That's all that matters. She's probably just gas lighting you with that as well saying she isn't clever but look what she got. Unless you are below 80 IQ then it's going to be very very hard to do simple tasks. Genetics alone (as she is Chinese) will be near the higher ends of IQ. Eg: China has a higher IQ average than the UK which is 100. Main reason why I can't relate to anyone on this hellish island when I got tested at 131.

 

[sserafim]

Yeah I mean in the sense of superiority. She's "clever" because look what she amounted to. However you throw her in todays climate - economically, socially, etc - she'd be homeless on the streets.

That's why she hard work. You can work hard and be fired just like that. But you worked hard right? That's all that matters. She's probably just gas lighting you with that as well saying she isn't clever but look what she got. Unless you are below 80 IQ then it's going to be very very hard to do simple tasks. Genetics alone (as she is Chinese) will be near the higher ends of IQ. Eg: China has a higher IQ average than the UK which is 100. Main reason why I can't relate to anyone on this hellish island when I got tested at 131.

My mom doesn't have a sense of superiority though. She always says that she's just average. I think that my dad is smarter than my mom because I asked him about the meaning of life and he actually had a discussion with me instead of shutting down like my mom does. He also went to law school lol. I think that my parents are probably both in the 120-140 range, since my IQ is 120 and my sister's is 130. My mom is peak NPC though. She's been conditioned and brainwashed by society into being a good worker and cog in the system. She doesn't question anything, she just does whatever she has to. It's like she lives on autopilot. My parents are both part of the intelligentsia but my mom seems to have no life or hobbies outside of work

 

[halleyscomet]

My parents are the same, well my mum isn't but my dad is. The thing is I literally have a job and work but apparently I'm still not working hard enough. For these types of people, nothing will ever be enough.

 

[cosmic_traveler]

My mom called me "abusive". She says that I never do what she tells me to do and that if my dad were here or if he told me to do it, I would do it right away. She says that I've fallen apart and completely collapsed after college. She says that the me of now is worse than the me of last year who is worse than the me of the previous year. She says that I've regressed and degenerated. She says that I'm "lazy", lack discipline and good habits and spend my whole day in bed. She says that I "do nothing" and that I need to "do something". She knows about my ADHD and executive dysfunction, but she says that she has executive dysfunction too.

She said that it's difficult to get NEETbux or disability in America because it requires an IQ of less than 70 and mine is 120. She says that other autistic people are working, so why can't I? She told me that she doesn't want to help me anymore and told me to go live overseas with my dad. She said that maybe he would help me shape up. She says that I'm like a "loose bundle of clay that needs to be molded into shape"

Your mother sounds like a narcissist, are you familiar with the narcissist prayer?

That didn't happen.
And if it did, it wasn't that bad.
And if it was, that's not a big deal.
And if it is, that's not my fault.
And if it was, I didn't mean it.
And if I did, you deserved it.

Sorry you're dealing with such challenges. You may find more success contacting a disability lawyer. They will need to know your hospitalization dates and you can give them permission to have your diagnosis shared with them. They will then go through the process of getting you set up with disability. We have never heard of IQ being a determining factor ever.

Be well on your journey.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

This world is insane. Why do normies justify their own oppression? It's so bizarre to me and what I hate even more is that they're dragging me into this too. I wish they could leave me alone and let me rot alone in peace but they'll never leave me alone. Humans truly are the worst species ever...

 

[Throwawayacc3]

My mom doesn't have a sense of superiority though. She always says that she's just average. I think that my dad is smarter than my mom because I asked him about the meaning of life and he actually had a discussion with me instead of shutting down like my mom does. He also went to law school lol. I think that my parents are probably both in the 120-140 range, since my IQ is 120 and my sister's is 130. My mom is peak NPC though. She's been conditioned and brainwashed by society into being a good worker and cog in the system. She doesn't question anything, she just does whatever she has to. It's like she lives on autopilot. My parents are both part of the intelligentsia but my mom seems to have no life or hobbies outside of work

Someone else mentioned it below but narcissism. I had a person in business say to me "it isn't that hard to make money" and the guys family is worth 10s of millions. Also said to me if I don't get the vaccine there's a high chance I'm going to die. Their sense of self is superior to others so everyone must obey - just like how she directs you. If she understood your issues maybe she would get it but she's too narcissistic and too NPC-afied.

Ask anyone working minimum wage and they won't say "I work hard so now life is easier" it actually makes life harder because the mangers take all the credit and fuxk you over in the end.

She's a terrible person.

 

[melancholymallory03]

I'm sorry you're going through this bullshit with her still…. Based on all your previous posts you don't seem abusive to me at all. It actually sounds like she's projecting onto you and trying to gaslight you , honestly. I hope she can improve some of the ways she talks to you, how can she expect you to do any better when she's always putting you down and flooding your brain with negativity ? …. All the things she's saying are so UNhelpful!<:(

 

[Linda]

You are going to get more of the same - or worse. Your mother doesn't understand your situation, and she isn't going to, at least not on any timescale that matters.
I understand where she's coming from, and I can feel her frustration, even though I'm only getting it at third hand, via you. She is not trying to make things difficult for you. But she can only see one possible way forward for you. Her lack of imagination isn't going to change.
I can see several possible ways forward for you:
(1) Do what she is suggesting, or something like it.
(2) Ctb.
(3) Engage with the world, but on your own terms and for your own purposes.
You probably already know that I would suggest 3. If it doesn't work out, you can switch to 2.
You making regular complaints on this forum about your mother is as utterly pointless as her mindlessly pushing you to get a job. Neither achieves anything. She might not be able to do better, but you can do better.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Yeah, she's getting desperate, threatening to make you have to live with your dad as a last resort. At least in that case you'd be out of America which as you said before you don't like anyway. Assuming your dad can't hook you up with a job in China maybe he'd be so busy with working that you'd actually have more time to yourself but maybe not.

For what it's worth, there doesn't seem to be any way you're actually being abusive to her. You're literally doing nothing and since she doesn't rely on you for sustenance that can't even count as neglect on your part.

 

[katara]

I'm kind of the opposite. I have a low iq but my mom has always told me I could be doing more when I can't. I could barely even read books in school because I can't focus on anything, so much so I've literally cried about not being able to read a middle school level book. My mom always used to tell me I was lazy but eventually stopped because I think she realized this is it. I'm never going to make it in life.

 

[Throwawayacc3]

I'm sorry you're going through this bullshit with her still…. Based on all your previous posts you don't seem abusive to me at all. It actually sounds like she's projecting onto you and trying to gaslight you , honestly. I hope she can improve some of the ways she talks to you, how can she expect you to do any better when she's always putting you down and flooding your brain with negativity ? …. All the things she's saying are so UNhelpful!<:(

You haven't read the posts how both her parents have beaten her physically.

Edit: sorry (I think I must be dyslexic) I read your post incorrect. No she hasn't been abusive so her parents are gas lighting the fuxk out of her (they've done the beating).