Life_and_Death
Do what's best for you 🕯️ I'm............
- Jul 1, 2020
- 7,030
An extension on my "what are you thinking" thread or whatever its called post.
I'm sure my husband doesn't need explanation. - "you know those people that don't agree with what I'm doing" ME, you're talking to me and I've TOLD you what you're doing fucks with my triggers. You talk like I have no fucking idea, when it's you that's not giving a shit.
My bf (SO) - was my safe place, the one place I shouldn't have been worried about being judged. Forget the same page, he's not even reading the same book and its the only stable thing in my life.
My cats - I feel like a horrible mom. We love each other and everything is fine that way, I just don't feel like I do enough for them. If I was moved theyd have their hammock and some 2x6 lumber along the walls for perching. They would be so happy and have so much fun.
My grampy - he missed 7yrs of holidays due to my "mother". He missed several more years because I couldn't invite him over. He's literally missed about half my life and I feel horrible about that. IF I HAD OF FUCKING MOVED I'd be spending time with him and I wouldn't be missing life anymore... Instead I sit here literally watching my life get wasted. (I really fucking hate that my external problems can literally be fixed in 24hrs. The biggest fucking piss off of my life, yet my husband's all "it seems like I can't do anything right" maybe because you're not keeping your fucking promise from the start about fucking off if you arent helpful. Being a saint doesn't help you after that one)
Myself- God where do I start, I'm in physical pain everywhere from different causes. Back pain. Stomach pain. Chest pain. Re-aggitated concussion (how many more times until I die? I'm probably up to 10 concussions now). Random arm/leg pain. Mentally cptsd specifically rn. I can't shower because of it (had a r* flashback the last time I had one), cancelling my appointment. There's also many other things but that's the big one rn.
That appointment was the ONLY reason I didn't move a month ago, now my money is gone, idk when I'm going to see money again so I can't buy boxes for moving and apparently it was all fucking pointless!
I cut for the first time in a month, had a drink literally on my way out the door to work. (but remember my husband says I don't have a problem) I'm at my limits. I can't do this anymore. I don't want to. My husband keeps pointing out I'm gonna die (concussions) and I literally said I don't care. If I drop dead, fucking grand, this human shit is fucking bullshit. I literally can't even shower or brush my hair rn (concussion pain). Lack of quality of life is the basic qualification for MAiD, when I can't do basics, I think I'm lacking quality. When I'm not just dealing with shit 24/7 but MULTIPLE things, I think I'm lacking quality. When every single thing brings up a trigger (like something as stupid as green beans),I think I'm lacking quality. Life fucking blows, it sucks and I hate every second of it.
I'm sure my husband doesn't need explanation. - "you know those people that don't agree with what I'm doing" ME, you're talking to me and I've TOLD you what you're doing fucks with my triggers. You talk like I have no fucking idea, when it's you that's not giving a shit.
My bf (SO) - was my safe place, the one place I shouldn't have been worried about being judged. Forget the same page, he's not even reading the same book and its the only stable thing in my life.
My cats - I feel like a horrible mom. We love each other and everything is fine that way, I just don't feel like I do enough for them. If I was moved theyd have their hammock and some 2x6 lumber along the walls for perching. They would be so happy and have so much fun.
My grampy - he missed 7yrs of holidays due to my "mother". He missed several more years because I couldn't invite him over. He's literally missed about half my life and I feel horrible about that. IF I HAD OF FUCKING MOVED I'd be spending time with him and I wouldn't be missing life anymore... Instead I sit here literally watching my life get wasted. (I really fucking hate that my external problems can literally be fixed in 24hrs. The biggest fucking piss off of my life, yet my husband's all "it seems like I can't do anything right" maybe because you're not keeping your fucking promise from the start about fucking off if you arent helpful. Being a saint doesn't help you after that one)
Myself- God where do I start, I'm in physical pain everywhere from different causes. Back pain. Stomach pain. Chest pain. Re-aggitated concussion (how many more times until I die? I'm probably up to 10 concussions now). Random arm/leg pain. Mentally cptsd specifically rn. I can't shower because of it (had a r* flashback the last time I had one), cancelling my appointment. There's also many other things but that's the big one rn.
That appointment was the ONLY reason I didn't move a month ago, now my money is gone, idk when I'm going to see money again so I can't buy boxes for moving and apparently it was all fucking pointless!
I cut for the first time in a month, had a drink literally on my way out the door to work. (but remember my husband says I don't have a problem) I'm at my limits. I can't do this anymore. I don't want to. My husband keeps pointing out I'm gonna die (concussions) and I literally said I don't care. If I drop dead, fucking grand, this human shit is fucking bullshit. I literally can't even shower or brush my hair rn (concussion pain). Lack of quality of life is the basic qualification for MAiD, when I can't do basics, I think I'm lacking quality. When I'm not just dealing with shit 24/7 but MULTIPLE things, I think I'm lacking quality. When every single thing brings up a trigger (like something as stupid as green beans),I think I'm lacking quality. Life fucking blows, it sucks and I hate every second of it.
