Venting My life is ruined and there's nothing I can do to save myself

[SanguineShark]

I'm crying because I've been thinking a lot about suicide for years, and especially this year. I thought that maybe I should go to a psychiatric hospital again, but what's the point? It will not fix me or my life, it will just be a painful waste of time and adding extra worry for my friends which will in turn only cause them to want to abandon me. But also if I'm left on my own, I will inevetably just give up completely and ctb. I wish I could be normal and happy but I can't, I tried, my life is ruined because I'm too weak to do anything to change it, I've been so drained by my own mental health issues that I have nothing going on in my life and just sit in my room for months. I feel stuck and the only option I see is to just die, but I'm scared, there are things I like about life like games, spending time with friends and other stuff that make me momentarily happy.. but my life itself is just doomed, if I don't do anything I will just continue to waste it and maybe either end up as an adult still living with their mom or homeless. I'm truly a failure.

 

[vanilladust]

I feel you, I've been in my room for months. I basically ghosted everyone, not out of hate, just because I was so depressed and embarrassed of myself. I didn't wanna show my face. I lost what I had but I know either way I would've suffered. Now I rot in my room because there's nothing else to do. I'm afraid of going outside, seeing people I know, or seeing something that reminds me of them. I hate this place, and leaving it won't let me forget the memories.

 

[SanguineShark]

I feel you, I've been in my room for months. I basically ghosted everyone, not out of hate, just because I was so depressed and embarrassed of myself. I didn't wanna show my face. I lost what I had but I know either way I would've suffered. Now I rot in my room because there's nothing else to do. I'm afraid of going outside, seeing people I know, or seeing something that reminds me of them. I hate this place, and leaving it won't let me forget the memories.

I'm sorry to hear that. For me it's just that I'm lonely, my friends don't live in the same city, even though their city is close and has good public transport.. I guess it's just that no one really has time or money to hang out.. And I don't have many friends that would want to meet up irl in the first place

 

[LaVieEnRose]

, if I don't do anything I will just continue to waste it and maybe either end up as an adult still living with their mom or homeless. I'm truly a failure.

Well, that's not a foregone conclusion by any means but it is true that things are probably at a critical point right now. What is one thing you can do to nudge (keyword nudge) in a positive direction?

You're nor a failure for not achieving things living on difficult mode.

 

[SanguineShark]

Well, that's not a foregone conclusion by any means but it is true that things are probably at a critical point right now. What is one thing you can do to nudge (keyword nudge) in a positive direction?

You're nor a failure for not achieving things living on difficult mode.

Objectively I think I should do my best to try the intense therapy in January that will last half a year, and I shouldn't completely give up. I should also try to finish high school, I was a highschool dropout and I'm 23 now. And I should find a job, any job, just anything that would make me feel less useless.
But sadly all of these things seem impossible, mainly because I'm autistic and have ADHD, I have a paper that says I'm disabled. I could never do well in school and can't do most jobs (bc I get sensory overloaded in places where I have to have social interaction for more than 4 hours and in loud/overcrowded places)
My shit ton of mental illnesses and disorders also add up and make my energy levels practically 0

Most people here probably don't even believe in therapy, I think I do believe in it, I more so believe not everyone can be saved by it.. I tried medication and some psychologist appointments for a while, but I never tried this type of intensive therapy, it's specifically for people with personality disorders.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

Objectively I think I should do my best to try the intense therapy in January that will last half a year, and I shouldn't completely give up. I should also try to finish high school, I was a highschool dropout and I'm 23 now. And I should find a job, any job, just anything that would make me feel less useless.
But sadly all of these things seem impossible, mainly because I'm autistic and have ADHD, I have a paper that says I'm disabled. I could never do well in school and can't do most jobs (bc I get sensory overloaded in places where I have to have social interaction for more than 4 hours and in loud/overcrowded places)
My shit ton of mental illnesses and disorders also add up and make my energy levels practically 0

Most people here probably don't even believe in therapy, I think I do believe in it, I more so believe not everyone can be saved by it.. I tried medication and some psychologist appointments for a while, but I never tried this type of intensive therapy, it's specifically for people with personality disorders.

DBT?

I feel you. Autism and its associated problems prevented from doing those things too. So optimism is kind of cheap from me. Still if you feel like there is something worth trying, you should do.

You definitely should finish high school since you'll be very limited without it.

 

[SanguineShark]

DBT?

I think so yeah

You definitely should finish high school since you'll be very limited without it.

The only way I can be happy in life is if I become a marine biologist specialized in whales and orcas, that's literally my dream and if I could ever swim with wild whales to study them, I wouldn't have depression or be suicidal ever again.
But my issues with school make it so hard..