Venting My life is over

[ctoan]

so many missed opportunities

so manny unused chances

so many fucked up relationships


i could have left this path, turned around. but i didnt. i was too arrogant. too selfabsorbed.



i was wrong the whole time. blind. i can see now but its too late.

why does selfawareness always comes too late?

 

[Schopenhauer]

Is it really too late? Sometimes you can turn things around.

 

[Lizzie S.]

At least you haven't fucked up your body

 

[Mr2005]

so many missed opportunities

so manny unused chances

so many fucked up relationships


i could have left this path, turned around. but i didnt. i was too arrogant. too selfabsorbed.



i was wrong the whole time. blind. i can see now but its too late.

why does selfawareness always comes too late?

A lot of what you write mirrors my feelings exactly

 

[Szueps]

Dont be so so cruel to yourself, reality is a psychopatic bitch, it wants you to live and make all these must-survive games, awareness is a tricky piece of sheep. And these accidental circumstances of everything - laugh at it and feel it lighter haha...

 

[Schopenhauer]

Dont be so so cruel to yourself, reality is a psychopatic bitch, it wants you to live and make all these must-survive games, awareness is a tricky piece of sheep. And these accidental circumstances of everything - laugh at it and feel it lighter haha...

The Universe is the Practical Joke of the General
at the Expense of the Particular, quoth FRATER
PERDURABO, and laughed.
But those disciples nearest to him wept, seeing the Universal Sorrow.
Those next to them laughed, seeing the Universal Joke.
Below these certain disciples wept.
Then certain laughed.
Others next wept.
Others next laughed.
Next others wept.
Next others laughed.
Last came those that wept because they could not
see the Joke, and those that laughed lest they
should be thought not to see the Joke, and thought
it safe to act like FRATER PERDURABO.
But though FRATER PERDURABO laughed
openly, He also at the same time wept secretly;
and in Himself He neither laughed nor wept.
Nor did He mean what He said.

- Aleister Crowley, The Book of Lies.

I apologize in advance, I'm in a weird, cryptic mood today.

 

[ctoan]

holy fuck i spend most of my time drinking, looking back in bitterness and regret how i throwed my life away.


it could have been all easily prevented. i never had a rolemodel though. never an adviser or counsellor.

 

[ctoan]

can someone on this forum come to me and just kill me in my sleep?

 

[undertherainbow]

so many missed opportunities

so manny unused chances

so many fucked up relationships


i could have left this path, turned around. but i didnt. i was too arrogant. too selfabsorbed.



i was wrong the whole time. blind. i can see now but its too late.

why does selfawareness always comes too late?

The fact that you are reflecting is beautiful and honorable in its own right. Many people simply dont do this. It's not too late for you.

Just stay away from black mambas;)

 

[Taylored]

My life is going the same way all this "potential" and now I sit back and watch all my potential go away. Absolutely nothing left to work to now that i was robbed of everything else.

 

[worldexploder]

I get were you're coming from. There was a brief period were I actually felt "ok" for the first time in my life. Lasted from about mid 2006 to early 2007. It was right after I started coming out of a 2 year long nervous breakdown were I had up to 10 panic attacks a day followed by long periods of being in a catatonic state. I started working out 2 to 3 hours a day, lost 80 some pounds, gained most of my friends back etc.

For the first time in my life I had some hope that things could get better. When things got worse I lost all motivation. Relationships followed...all ending horribly. Gained all my weight back and was on the brink of suicide when I first started talking to my now ex wife online in 2009. We married in 2011 and divorced in 2014. All the while I was still miserable. Of course I was more miserable after moving back in with my folks. I started drinking heavy again like I did in 2008 and just focused on ways to end it all.

So here I am. I learned a lot of hard truths about myself and the world around me. I was at the point of no return before I even realized it. 35 years of bullshit and counting. Tired of fucking fighting a war I can't win.