Venting My life is a dead end

[hermestrimegistus]

I have absolutely no future. I'm 25. I live with my dad. Never went to college. Isolated myself from everyone I ever knew. The only people I talk to now are internet strangers I occasionally sext. I have nothing in my life. I've developed a legitimate drinking problem. I quit my last shit retail job because it was getting in the way of my ability to stay drunk. I was tired of running into people I knew and having to answer questions about what I've been doing and how my life is going. I've spent the past 8 years doing fuck all. I have no future. I have no ability to move on. I'm tired of being told I'm young and still have a chance to turn my life around. I don't. It's over for me.

Everything I want to do I am now too old for. By the time I get my shit together it'll already be too late. And I don't even have the capacity to get my shit together. I need more help than I could possibly get. Not that I'm comfortable asking for it.
I'm just a spoiled adult-child with no future and nothing left to live for. All I did was sabotage myself. I never made plans for the future when I was young because I was in a mental and emotional state of simply trying to survive. I never thought I'd make it to this age. Now I'm just embarrassed to be me.

Every night I go to bed and pray I won't wake up. When I'm in my car I fantasize about crashing. I drink myself into an emotional coma because I can't deal with the thoughts I have. I don't want to go to a professional just so they can give me drugs that stop me from being able to cum and still feel depressed. I don't want to be hospitalized because I tell someone I don't want to live anymore. That I have nothing to live for. I'm at the end of my rope. Literally searching ror rope. Trying to see if I can do partial suspension without failing and giving myself permanent damage. I just don't want to traumatize my dad by having him find me

 

[IWishToDie]

I have absolutely no future. I'm 25. I live with my dad. Never went to college. Isolated myself from everyone I ever knew. The only people I talk to now are internet strangers I occasionally sext. I have nothing in my life. I've developed a legitimate drinking problem. I quit my last shit retail job because it was getting in the way of my ability to stay drunk. I was tired of running into people I knew and having to answer questions about what I've been doing and how my life is going. I've spent the past 8 years doing fuck all. I have no future. I have no ability to move on. I'm tired of being told I'm young and still have a chance to turn my life around. I don't. It's over for me.

Everything I want to do I am now too old for. By the time I get my shit together it'll already be too late. And I don't even have the capacity to get my shit together. I need more help than I could possibly get. Not that I'm comfortable asking for it.
I'm just a spoiled adult-child with no future and nothing left to live for. All I did was sabotage myself. I never made plans for the future when I was young because I was in a mental and emotional state of simply trying to survive. I never thought I'd make it to this age. Now I'm just embarrassed to be me.

Every night I go to bed and pray I won't wake up. When I'm in my car I fantasize about crashing. I drink myself into an emotional coma because I can't deal with the thoughts I have. I don't want to go to a professional just so they can give me drugs that stop me from being able to cum and still feel depressed. I don't want to be hospitalized because I tell someone I don't want to live anymore. That I have nothing to live for. I'm at the end of my rope. Literally searching ror rope. Trying to see if I can do partial suspension without failing and giving myself permanent damage. I just don't want to traumatize my dad by having him find me

@hermestrimegistus Great name, you spelled it wrong however, lol. I would go for Sodium Nitrite if I was you. Consider leaving the drink behind and see if life improves. I know it's not easy and it isn't what you want to hear. I have been there, you are not thinking straight when you wake up and pour a drink. Best wishes.

'As above, so below. As within, so without', I believe.

 

[Sleeper System]

It's not that you don't have a future. It's more accurate to say you don't want one.
The work and effort it would take being "so far behind" is something you refuse to entertain.
I think that's fine. Good a reason as any I guess. I can relate to that.

Pros- You have a father in your life who is allowing you to stay with him. You seem to have a license and a car. That's pretty cool. You have some work experience so it's not like you're not all the way unhirable. You seem to be ahead of the curve about the garbage treatment for depression. Drinking seems to numb you enough to keep your head above water so to speak.

Cons- Your dad has to feel guilty in some way about your current life situation. You're probably a great cause of worry to him. That's kind of shitty. Living with him wont last forever and that's an uncomfortable fact. Your drinking will effect your employement as is shown in your history so you might not be able to be independently stable. I see drunk homeless people begging every single day. It's a hard life.

All in all, you have the same options as many of us. Get your shit together, lose everything a drift in this world until you die "naturally", or ctb. I would chose ctb every fuckin time. So I get it.

 

[knux]

Got chills reading that because my life literally mirrors yours. Wow.

 

[jbear824]

My life and future are also dead ends. I just want to die already.