my last job option just rejected me

[this_is_it]

i didn't want to work at this fucking store again but i applied anyway because i have no car, no money and got rejected by every other place within walking distance. but i sucked it up and applied anyway and for what? for them to reject me within 24 hours. I've literally been too depressed to work or get on any kind of financial aid for the past year, still afraid of getting fired for calling in when im having panic attacks/on the verge of commiting suicide, and when i finally start to get better enough to try and improve my life, this shit happens. i can't even afford to commit fucking suicide at this point. someone help me or kill me or SOMETHING i can't keep living dealing with this same old shit
made the mistake of asking my bf for help with my panic attack and as usual he ended up spending more time yelling at me for "not listening" than trying to help me. yes he's probably abusive and yes i should probably leave him, can't get a job tho and I'm completely financially dependent on him so (:
I'm thinking about buying a boxcutter from the dollar store, don't know what the point in not self harming is anymore, anyway

 

[WAITING TO DIE]

It's a disgusting world we live in where good people are expected to become wage-slaves in order to survive and treated like dirt for no good reason.