Story My husband hugged me

[Apathy's Girl]

It is possible to be lonely and not be alone. I have never been lonelier than I have been since my husband and I have been in our home together 24/7 since March. We have been working from home and, like most of society at this time, have no place to go outside of home.

My husband works in a bedroom we converted to a home office, I work in the livingroom. We don't talk at all during the day. I do accounting. I actually love my job and the hours usually fly by. It is not unusual for me to work until 6 or 7pm because I lose track of time. Working is one of the only times I can really lose myself. Work has been my lifeline and the only reason I get out of bed.

After work I make dinner, if I have the energy, or we order food in. My husband and I always have the tv on during dinner and very rarely talk. After dinner he goes and smokes some pot and listens to music downstairs while I have a drink and watch tv, listen to music, walk the dog or read. Maybe he'll come upstairs and put a movie on but then he'll go back downstairs and listen to music leaving on a movie I may or may not have any interest in.

At about 10pm, my husband comes back upstairs picks up the dog and takes him to his bedroom (my husband's bedroom, the dog doesn't have a bedroom). My husband and I have had separate bedrooms for years now. It has been at least four years since we've had sex, possibly five.

I go downstairs to bed around 2 or 3am. Get up at 7am and start the whole thing over again.

The last week and a half have been so depressing. We're on vacation. All that means is no work to distract me from my depression. I sit alone in the livingroom almost all day. Vacation is 18 days (including weekends). I stay awake until about 3am, sleep until 5am. Then wake up for at least two hours before falling asleep until noon. It doesn't matter, I have no reason to get out of bed. I haven't even showered in almost two weeks.

And then, the other day, my husband hugged me. It wasn't a small hug, it was a huge hold on tight hug. It brought tears to my eyes. It was something I didn't even know I wanted or needed but I did. It doesn't change the fact that I want to ctb but it makes it a little more bearable.

I think I might shower today.

 

[neverever]

Hugs are very valuable.

Since my husband left me, what I've missed most has been hugs.

 

[Pengwin]

If I ever got married there would be no conceivable way that I would sleep in seperate bedrooms.

 

[Canon1]

Being married doesn't mean that two people are permanently together and in love. Everybody has their own life but there should be times where you are together. Why don't you go down to him when he smokes pot? And that thing with seperate bedrooms is a bit strange for me.

 

[Idledays]

I hope you get a few more hugs @Apathy's Girl

Don't forget to give your husband a hug too (don't always wait for him!)

Glad it made you feel happier!! X

 

[Bigpink]

It's lovely he hugged you. Just sad that you seem like 2 strangers, can relate as it happened in my marriage too, now over.

 

[FatalSystemError591]

I would recommend sitting down with him and breaking the silence, let him know what needs you have and work on a plan to how those needs are getting met. It's like dating, you can't always expect the other person to know you like them and want a relationship, so you need to go for it and make the first step.

Guys especially tend to be a bit more oblivious to emotions, and tend to reject their own because people have taught them that having emotions isn't "manly" or whatever. He may be feeling the exact same way as you but may not know the right way to go about it. So if you have a decent healthy relationship you two may be able to talk about it together. If you need to, find a roommate, friend or family member who can help you plan your thoughts out or mediate between you two if things get out of hand.

I'm also married and share a room and also have a bedroom away from my husband. He's a night owl, I'm not and have to get up early so our schedules clash badly. It's not weird and there is no shame about needing to be in separate rooms.

 

[fixitinpost]

I wish there was a way to give you more than one hug emoji.

If I may ask, do you feel you can express these feelings to your husband? Not necessarily about CTB, but how much that hug meant to you. I think that would do you good. I don't want to pry too much in your marriage (especially since I don't know the background), but it does sound like you have a desire for intimacy that isn't being met. And that's a perfectly valid feeling to have and to express to your partner.

 

[MrOptions]

Sorry for your troubles. Going through a divorce now myself. #2 divorce. 47 year old male from the US. One thing I learned in the last few weeks is only you can control your happiness. Whatever, that in life is to you, be the best at it, regardless of what others think. Because in the end it is your life.

 

[Apathy's Girl]

My husband and I started dating when we were in high school, I was 16. I'm now 49. He has been my one and only. Needless to say, we have a lot of history together. He knows my suicidal nature. He knows I used to frequent alt.suicide.holiday but does not know about ss. He is the only person in real life that knows I have bipolar disorder. He was there to back me up when I confronted my mom about the sexual abuse I suffered from her live in boyfriend when I was a child.

But, over the years our relationship has changed from husband and wife to roommates to sometimes feeling like strangers. I know I'm to blame for most of it. I get severely depressed for long stretches of time. I don't want to be touched or around people. I also go through bouts of acute paranoia which can be debilitating. He gets depressed too and is also on medication as well.

I know he has some (at least one) online romantic relationship with a woman. I give him his space so he can have that connection. I'm sure he must be feeling as lonely as I do. Over the years we have isolated ourselves and we don't really have very many in real life friends. My two best friends are both dead (one suicide, other an aneurysm after surgery).

Maybe I'll take the advise and try to talk to him about the importance or that hug. It has to be better than sitting alone.

 

[G0dOfSadness]

One of the saddest things ever for me is the fact that I will miss out on having a wife.

 

[Chupacabra 44]

Marriage counseling seems like a good idea.

 

[Ardesevent]

My husband and I started dating when we were in high school, I was 16. I'm now 49. He has been my one and only. Needless to say, we have a lot of history together. He knows my suicidal nature. He knows I used to frequent alt.suicide.holiday but does not know about ss. He is the only person in real life that knows I have bipolar disorder. He was there to back me up when I confronted my mom about the sexual abuse I suffered from her live in boyfriend when I was a child.

But, over the years our relationship has changed from husband and wife to roommates to sometimes feeling like strangers. I know I'm to blame for most of it. I get severely depressed for long stretches of time. I don't want to be touched or around people. I also go through bouts of acute paranoia which can be debilitating. He gets depressed too and is also on medication as well.

I know he has some (at least one) online romantic relationship with a woman. I give him his space so he can have that connection. I'm sure he must be feeling as lonely as I do. Over the years we have isolated ourselves and we don't really have very many in real life friends. My two best friends are both dead (one suicide, other an aneurysm after surgery).

Maybe I'll take the advise and try to talk to him about the importance or that hug. It has to be better than sitting alone.

Go for it. It can't hurt your situation at all. Chupacabra's idea about marriage counseling seems like it would help out a lot too. It looks like you two have a lot you need to talk about.

 

[IfTomorrowNeverComes]

It is possible to be lonely and not be alone. I have never been lonelier than I have been since my husband and I have been in our home together 24/7 since March. We have been working from home and, like most of society at this time, have no place to go outside of home.

My husband works in a bedroom we converted to a home office, I work in the livingroom. We don't talk at all during the day. I do accounting. I actually love my job and the hours usually fly by. It is not unusual for me to work until 6 or 7pm because I lose track of time. Working is one of the only times I can really lose myself. Work has been my lifeline and the only reason I get out of bed.

After work I make dinner, if I have the energy, or we order food in. My husband and I always have the tv on during dinner and very rarely talk. After dinner he goes and smokes some pot and listens to music downstairs while I have a drink and watch tv, listen to music, walk the dog or read. Maybe he'll come upstairs and put a movie on but then he'll go back downstairs and listen to music leaving on a movie I may or may not have any interest in.

At about 10pm, my husband comes back upstairs picks up the dog and takes him to his bedroom (my husband's bedroom, the dog doesn't have a bedroom). My husband and I have had separate bedrooms for years now. It has been at least four years since we've had sex, possibly five.

I go downstairs to bed around 2 or 3am. Get up at 7am and start the whole thing over again.

The last week and a half have been so depressing. We're on vacation. All that means is no work to distract me from my depression. I sit alone in the livingroom almost all day. Vacation is 18 days (including weekends). I stay awake until about 3am, sleep until 5am. Then wake up for at least two hours before falling asleep until noon. It doesn't matter, I have no reason to get out of bed. I haven't even showered in almost two weeks.

And then, the other day, my husband hugged me. It wasn't a small hug, it was a huge hold on tight hug. It brought tears to my eyes. It was something I didn't even know I wanted or needed but I did. It doesn't change the fact that I want to ctb but it makes it a little more bearable.

I think I might shower today.

Gosh, Friend... this hits home hard. Hugs to you... [Actual hugs are soul filling and help the skin feel less raw and paper thin]... So many hugs to you...