My heart tells me I don't want to end it but my brain disagrees

[Angel66]

I feel so trapped. The will to go on is quickly dwindling, but my heart tells me no. I have a young daughter and husband who will be devastated, but I can't bear this. What do I do?

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

What does your brain say about it?

What makes you feel trapped?

Edit: Of course you don't have to answer. Those were the questions that came up as I read the title and the post.

 

[Thereisnothing]

You feel trapped and your will is dwindling, but I urge you to keep hope alive, for your precious daughter and husband...............I know the pain you are going through but would you wish for them to suffer? I am totally alone in the world and its absolute hell, believe me............try and hold on.............I send you love and strength

 

[sickInsominic42]

I understand your dilemma I have two daughters who live with their father in another state. But I am sick with a degenerative disease which is slowly rotting my body from the inside. I'm in constant pain and I'm depressed I want to ctb but Im scared of the idea that I won't see my kids again. So even though I can't give you any advice about your problem just know your not alone in this

 

[new life]

I wpuld say do what u feel is best, however i cant as you have a young daughter

 

[elacnt]

I totally understand your pain and I'm so sorry you're feeling like this.
My brain also tells me it's time to go, that I've had enough already and deep down I know things are not gonna get better for me, but my heart says (most of the time) that I should stay even tho I'm in so much pain.
I think about my mom a lot, who is the only good thing left in my life. But we live far away and I haven't seen her in like a year and a half, and despite talking to her on the phone a few times a week I know she's now used to not have me around anymore.
My heart only tells me not to do it because of her, but then I think that she has her life, she has my whole family close to her and they can give her so much support in case anything happens and that now she's already used to not having me around.
And then I think about how it's so not fair that I should stay, and live a life of suffering just to prevent other people from suffering if I leave like that.
I try to weight out these things.

I try to think that this is my life, and I'm the one suffering, I'm the one not happy, I'm the one having to deal with this much shit and for nothing.
So I keep thinking if it's really worth it to stay JUST to not make other people suffer with my loss. If it's really worth it to live like that to make other people happy while I'm not happy at all.

 

[sadgirl2002]

I know how you feel, for me it's the other way round. My mind is constantly telling me to end it but my heart is telling me to stay. It's so difficult to be in such a confused state.

 

[Angel66]

It's turning me into someone I hate. I'm so irritable and upset over stupid things. Three dogs that are causing me a lot of work makes me feel so angry. My autistic daughter just being herself, but I've currently got much less patience. I'm not coping. I need help but there isn't anyone. My husband has no idea how desperate I am again, but he can't take time off work to shoulder some of the burden. I used to work full time in a very stressful and responsible health job and now I can't even cope with every day run of the mill housework.
I'm so sorry everyone. I feel I have nothing more to give. I'm a failure and letting my family down. We are struggling hugely with only one income. It's all just too much. I've started making plans again, that's why I joined the forum.

I know how you feel, for me it's the other way round. My mind is constantly telling me to end it but my heart is telling me to stay. It's so difficult to be in such a confused state.

This is the same for me.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

It's turning me into someone I hate. I'm so irritable and upset over stupid things. Three dogs that are causing me a lot of work makes me feel so angry. My autistic daughter just being herself, but I've currently got much less patience. I'm not coping. I need help but there isn't anyone. My husband has no idea how desperate I am again, but he can't take time off work to shoulder some of the burden. I used to work full time in a very stressful and responsible health job and now I can't even cope with every day run of the mill housework.
I'm so sorry everyone. I feel I have nothing more to give. I'm a failure and letting my family down. We are struggling hugely with only one income. It's all just too much. I've started making plans again, that's why I joined the forum.

The way I read it, your output is extraordinarily higher than your input. There is no replenishment of internal resources.

I wonder, what would your husband have to do for your daughter and himself were you no longer there? What resources would appear for him then that are not appearing for you both (and especially for you) now?

 

[Angel66]

The way I read it, your output is extraordinarily higher than your input. There is no replenishment of internal resources.

I wonder, what would your husband have to do for your daughter and himself were you no longer there? What resources would appear for him then that are not appearing for you both (and especially for you) now?

This is very true. I just hope if he was on his own, the help would be available; but logically I know he is likely to struggle enormously without me. I just hate what I am becoming and how much pain I am in constantly. Totally selfish I know. I just want it to end.
Thank you to you all for your kindness

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

I just hate what I am becoming and how much pain I am in constantly. Totally selfish I know. I just want it to end.

It's no more selfish than a person with two broken arms not being able to lift a semi. It's rational, and even more than that, it's reality. The person with broken arms would want splints, casts, medication, rest, and an extra pair of hands for awhile.