Venting My grandpa committed suicide

[EntomologicalCat]

i feel really sad and depressed over this, but I feel guilty for feeling that way.

On one hand, my grandpa had a lot of physical ailments and was really old. He wasn't mentally ill or irrational, he was just tired of doctors appointments and medicine, etc. He wanted to die, so he shot himself, and I believe he was fully in his right to do so.

On the other hand, I loved him so so so much. He was the only living grandfather I had. I loved talking to him, and he always found a way to make me smile and laugh. He was such a kind, silly man, and he was the best grandpa I could have ever asked for. It makes me so miserable to know that I didn't get a chance to say goodbye, or to talk to him again.

a part of me wants to kill myself so that, if there is an afterlife, I can see my grandpa, along with all of my deceased family, friends, and pets again, but I know that is uncertain.

I will miss him so much, but I hope he has found peace and freedom from the shackles of life.

 

[astral-mind]

I'm really sorry for your loss. Even when we accept and support a person's right to no longer live it's still hard to lose someone and know you won't see them again. Grief is one of the sad realities of life. I'm glad your grandpa isn't suffering anymore and I hope you let yourself grieve and heal from the pain and take care of yourself, whatever you choose in the end. Feeling horrible, confused, guilty and conflicted right now is completely normal and human! It's good that you are expressing your honest feelings. Sending you a hug!

 

[toofargone6969]

I am so sorry:( that is really terrible. Especially since you were close and it sounds like he was a wonderful person. Thats really tough. My grandpa also went by suicide. It makes me feel really guilty and like I can't do that to my family after they already went through it once. I also like to think I can be with him again and it's a nice thought.

 

[FuneralCry]

At least now he cannot suffer, old age really sounds so horrific to me, it's truly so hellish the amount of suffering that exists in this world. Rest in peace.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I'm so sorry for your loss. It's natural that you're upset and that you'll miss him deeply- he sounded like a great guy. It's kind though that you also realise that for him- perhaps it was the kindest thing. It's so very hard but I think- when we truly love people, we have to let them go when they can't stand their suffering anymore. It's a lot easier said than done though- I realise. I still grieve for my dead family members and they have been gone for decades.

 

[angel31]

I am so sorry for your loss. You dont have to feel guilty, for you cant do anything for your feelings and you dont hurt anyone with them. Its really sad that there has to be such a "conflict of interest" in such a situation, but we cannot know how other persons feel… But just know that it was probably the best for him. <3
Rest in peace.